The Jaffe Briefing - January 6, 2023
ROBBINSVILLE – Out of terrible tragedy comes some solace. President Joe Biden signed a law this week named after a college student who was murdered by a fake Uber driver in South Carolina. Known as “Sami’s Law,” named after Samantha Josephson of Robbinsville, the bill calls for the Government Accountability Office to do a deep dive into the ride-sharing industry. The feds will focus on cases of assault and abuse of both ride-sharing passengers and drivers, background checks for drivers and safety steps already taken by ride-sharing companies, taxis and other for-hire vehicles that we freely hop into. New Jersey took the lead on Sami’s Law in 2019, requiring illuminated signs and digital barcodes on ride-sharing vehicles.
WAYNE – It’s promising to be a good year for the mayor, on the brink of a 600% wage bump. The Township Council voted 6-3 this week to give Mayor Chris Vergano a generous raise to $140,000 a year, as the part-time job would become full-time. Vergano has been in the mayor’s office for 16 years now, and everyone thinks he is doing a swell job. But there are still some sticky things to work out. Like explaining to residents about all the new value they would get from a guy who has been steadily doing the job for $18,750 a year. Or what exactly the job description would be. Or how does the salary compare to other full-time mayors of towns with the same size and budget. Or why the public is not deciding this arrangement via a public referendum. Or if this is just a ploy for a popular 63-year-old elected official to inflate his state pension, which is calculated on the salary of his last three years of public service.
NEWARK – Newsflash: Not all New Jerseyans are brilliant, wonderful people. While many would disagree with such a blasphemous statement, how else can we describe some 24-year-old guy from our state who left his puppy tied up at a Des Moines airport and then flew alone to Newark? NJ.com tells this crazy story about how the man paid for the pup to join him on the Dec. 29 flight. But when the airlines said he needed a pet crate – as opposed to, say, just letting the dog slurp martinis in first class – the guy decided to leave his trusty, former friend behind, tied outside to a pole. Police found Allie shivering in the cold, no water, no food, no love. The man has been charged with abandonment and a pile of other well-earned criminal charges.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The following can be read forward and backward: Do geese see God?
STATEWIDE – As common as a clogged jughandle, New Jersey is filled with the likes of 7-Eleven, CVS and Walgreens. But NJ.com says some of the ubiquitous stores that fill our strip malls are closing up shop. 7-Eleven – the famous home of the Slurpee – is selling off 18 of its stores, leaving New Jerseyans with less access to three-day-old hot dogs. Amazon is going back online, getting rid of brick-and-mortar stores, while Bed Bath and Beyond is shuttering some locations, and CVS and Walgreens are eager to close some of their trillion or so locations in New Jersey. And we’ve also lost our favorite schlock store – Kmart. Apparently, New Jersey is just too darn upscale.
IN THE MEDIA
LONG ISLAND, NY – It is impossible to overstate the importance of local media, despite the fact that it is chronically underfunded and often ignored. The latest example: an itty-bitty paper called The North Shore Leader, which had been shouting from the rooftops about the bogus resume of now-Congressman George Santos in the months before the election. Despite the newspaper raising smart questions about his alleged net worth, his alleged mansions, his alleged Jewish heritage and some other eyebrow raisers, the big media disregarded the glaring story. Maybe it’s because The North Shore Leader is staffed by freelancers, students and retirees who write about the gossip of the rich and famous. But its editor said, “right from the start, there was something off about” Santos. And the congressman’s opponent, Robert Zimmerman, said the press “didn’t have the personnel, time, or money to delve further.” Meanwhile, Santos is now a back-benched pariah in Congress and an average of two newspapers are disappearing each week in the U.S.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
COPENHAGEN, Denmark – It’s so dang boring in this city that you can’t even find a decent bank robbery. Copenhagen somehow managed to go through 2022 without one bank heist. Cops say it’s not because the criminals no longer exist. The issue is that cash transactions in this Nordic country have dried to the point where the banks don’t carry much cash. In fact, one bank chain known as Finance Denmark doesn’t have any money in most of its retail banks, as Danes prefer using credit cards and smart phones to buy Danish things. And good luck even trying to find a convenient branch near you, as the numbers in Denmark have shriveled about 75% since 1991. The bigger quandary: Now where will Danes find a decent lollipop?
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2013 that an asteroid called 99942 Apophis passes uncomfortably close to Earth. Hmm, a plot for the next Netflix blockbuster?
WORD OF THE WEEK
Corsair – [kawr-sair] – noun
Definition: A pirate, especially from the southern Mediterranean coast
Example: Argh! Is that another corsair I see with me telescope?
WIT OF THE WEEK
“You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don’t get much else in that job.”
-Tip O’Neill, House Speaker 1977-1987
BIDEN BLURB
“With regard to the fight over the speaker — that's not my problem. I just think that it is embarrassing the way it has taken so long and the way they are treating one another. And the rest of the world looking…”
-Joe Biden
WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD
Clearing
ROBBINSVILLE – Out of terrible tragedy comes some solace. President Joe Biden signed a law this week named after a college student who was murdered by a fake Uber driver in South Carolina. Known as “Sami’s Law,” named after Samantha Josephson of Robbinsville, the bill calls for the Government Accountability Office to do a deep dive into the ride-sharing industry. The feds will focus on cases of assault and abuse of both ride-sharing passengers and drivers, background checks for drivers and safety steps already taken by ride-sharing companies, taxis and other for-hire vehicles that we freely hop into. New Jersey took the lead on Sami’s Law in 2019, requiring illuminated signs and digital barcodes on ride-sharing vehicles.
WAYNE – It’s promising to be a good year for the mayor, on the brink of a 600% wage bump. The Township Council voted 6-3 this week to give Mayor Chris Vergano a generous raise to $140,000 a year, as the part-time job would become full-time. Vergano has been in the mayor’s office for 16 years now, and everyone thinks he is doing a swell job. But there are still some sticky things to work out. Like explaining to residents about all the new value they would get from a guy who has been steadily doing the job for $18,750 a year. Or what exactly the job description would be. Or how does the salary compare to other full-time mayors of towns with the same size and budget. Or why the public is not deciding this arrangement via a public referendum. Or if this is just a ploy for a popular 63-year-old elected official to inflate his state pension, which is calculated on the salary of his last three years of public service.
NEWARK – Newsflash: Not all New Jerseyans are brilliant, wonderful people. While many would disagree with such a blasphemous statement, how else can we describe some 24-year-old guy from our state who left his puppy tied up at a Des Moines airport and then flew alone to Newark? NJ.com tells this crazy story about how the man paid for the pup to join him on the Dec. 29 flight. But when the airlines said he needed a pet crate – as opposed to, say, just letting the dog slurp martinis in first class – the guy decided to leave his trusty, former friend behind, tied outside to a pole. Police found Allie shivering in the cold, no water, no food, no love. The man has been charged with abandonment and a pile of other well-earned criminal charges.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The following can be read forward and backward: Do geese see God?
STATEWIDE – As common as a clogged jughandle, New Jersey is filled with the likes of 7-Eleven, CVS and Walgreens. But NJ.com says some of the ubiquitous stores that fill our strip malls are closing up shop. 7-Eleven – the famous home of the Slurpee – is selling off 18 of its stores, leaving New Jerseyans with less access to three-day-old hot dogs. Amazon is going back online, getting rid of brick-and-mortar stores, while Bed Bath and Beyond is shuttering some locations, and CVS and Walgreens are eager to close some of their trillion or so locations in New Jersey. And we’ve also lost our favorite schlock store – Kmart. Apparently, New Jersey is just too darn upscale.
IN THE MEDIA
LONG ISLAND, NY – It is impossible to overstate the importance of local media, despite the fact that it is chronically underfunded and often ignored. The latest example: an itty-bitty paper called The North Shore Leader, which had been shouting from the rooftops about the bogus resume of now-Congressman George Santos in the months before the election. Despite the newspaper raising smart questions about his alleged net worth, his alleged mansions, his alleged Jewish heritage and some other eyebrow raisers, the big media disregarded the glaring story. Maybe it’s because The North Shore Leader is staffed by freelancers, students and retirees who write about the gossip of the rich and famous. But its editor said, “right from the start, there was something off about” Santos. And the congressman’s opponent, Robert Zimmerman, said the press “didn’t have the personnel, time, or money to delve further.” Meanwhile, Santos is now a back-benched pariah in Congress and an average of two newspapers are disappearing each week in the U.S.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
COPENHAGEN, Denmark – It’s so dang boring in this city that you can’t even find a decent bank robbery. Copenhagen somehow managed to go through 2022 without one bank heist. Cops say it’s not because the criminals no longer exist. The issue is that cash transactions in this Nordic country have dried to the point where the banks don’t carry much cash. In fact, one bank chain known as Finance Denmark doesn’t have any money in most of its retail banks, as Danes prefer using credit cards and smart phones to buy Danish things. And good luck even trying to find a convenient branch near you, as the numbers in Denmark have shriveled about 75% since 1991. The bigger quandary: Now where will Danes find a decent lollipop?
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2013 that an asteroid called 99942 Apophis passes uncomfortably close to Earth. Hmm, a plot for the next Netflix blockbuster?
WORD OF THE WEEK
Corsair – [kawr-sair] – noun
Definition: A pirate, especially from the southern Mediterranean coast
Example: Argh! Is that another corsair I see with me telescope?
WIT OF THE WEEK
“You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don’t get much else in that job.”
-Tip O’Neill, House Speaker 1977-1987
BIDEN BLURB
“With regard to the fight over the speaker — that's not my problem. I just think that it is embarrassing the way it has taken so long and the way they are treating one another. And the rest of the world looking…”
-Joe Biden
WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD
Clearing