The Jaffe Briefing - December 16, 2022
NORTH JERSEY – The Port Authority is this mammoth organization, with a budget larger than eight other states. NJ.com reports its whopping $8.3 billion budget controls the backbone of our world, funding the airports, ports, bridges, tunnels and the PATH. And, despite plans to spend $467 million more in 2023, the Port Authority is desperate for cash. OK, you may quickly see where this is going. Yes, tolls are going up, again, by a buck, on all bridges and tunnels. That begins Jan. 8. The Port Authority explains it took a $3 billion drop in revenue over the pandemic and needs to right the ship. Very logical thinking. But how much more can you possibly charge motorists to go through the Holland Tunnel? It makes more sense to just stay home and use the toll savings to order a pizza (including tip.)
TRENTON – You reach a certain point in life when terms like “retired bonded debt” seem downright titillating. For those with pie-in-the-sky dreams of affording to retire in New Jersey, we need to shred the state’s credit cards. And because that is impossible (we checked), we are left to be excited when the state tackles any of its debt. The latest: the governor’s office is paying off $1 billion in school construction bonds. Last year, we were equally giddy when the state retired a little more than $2 billion in other bonded debt, which could result in more than $600 million in taxpayer savings over the next decade, NJ Spotlight reports. Before you start doing cartwheels, remember the state is still sitting on around $45 billion In bonded debt or so. But paying down debt – rather than throwing more on to the pile – is always a big cause for celebration in New Jersey.
CINNAMINSON – It’s been gnawing at us, and likely you too. With New Jersey around for 234 years already, how can we not have an official state juice? Well, this wrong may soon be righted, as some ticked-off fourth graders from Cinnaminson are demanding change. They are the leaders behind proposed legislation that would elevate cranberry juice to its rightful spot topping off all other juices in New Jersey, as the “official state juice.” The legislation has zipped through Assembly committees and now awaits votes in the full Assembly and Senate. It’s looking pretty good that this bill will reach Gov. Phil Murphy’s desk for signature – if we can just control that scrappy tomato juice lobby.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Tennis players can be fined up to $20,000 for cursing at Wimbledon.
LAWRENCE – If you want to learn about social media, feel free to begin posting content on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc. If people comment on your stuff, do more of that. If they aren’t, try a different message. That may be the 17-word summary of the entire curriculum at Rider University, where students can now major in social media strategies. No doubt, social media is a key component of any communication campaign. But do you really need to devote 48 credits of your college experience to mastering it? Try this instead: Major in anything else, seek diversified experience and then learn social media on the job, if you haven’t already figured it out. Think our unsolicited advice is hooey? Well, then minor in social media – which Rider has been offering since 2018 – and pursue a real degree in something your parents can gush about at cocktail parties.
IN THE MEDIA
STOCKTON – A university study shows what many of us already know: New Jersey is desperate for more local news. Stockton University says 34% of New Jersey adults say “none of the news sources they consume provide any information about the local area where they live.” Meanwhile, more than half of New Jerseyans say there’s not enough local news coverage to provide any guidance or direction related to state and local elections. That’s dangerous stuff. The pollster sums it up perfectly: “It’s a vicious circle in which readership and viewership decline, resources are cut and there is less local news content available. As local coverage becomes scarce, fewer people consume news.” The root of the problem? New Jerseyans refuse to support local news outlets by not advertising. We can’t expect a quality news product when independent news organizations are starving. To be blunt: If we want to be informed, we need to pay for it.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
NEW YORK – Do you need to be a whiz to deal with subway urine? Apparently so, as the Metropolitan Transit Authority has dedicated an entire team of professionals to addressing the pee smell in subway elevators. The New York Post reports this has escalated to a Number One priority, as the MTA launches urine-detection software to address the soaked elevators. The pee detector would determine when the odor has reached unsatisfactory levels, requiring the poor maintenance man to be dispatched with the ol’ mop and bucket for the nth time that day. The MTA reports that most elevators are puddle-free, currently, but the few outliers must be addressed. Or they could just be converted into bathrooms with an “up” button. Meanwhile, MTA professionals are second-guessing their choice not to major in social media studies at Rider.
RENO – Think those Lululemon pants are expensive? Well, try this on for size: The oldest pair of jeans – pulled from an 1857 shipwreck – just sold at auction $114,000. Unclear if the jeans will make your butt look any smaller, but the pair does offer a unique talking point at holiday parties: these jeans were made 16 years before Levi Strauss & Co. claimed to produce the first pair of jeans in 1873. And, so, as you slur over your third Manhattan, tell all your friends how Levi’s is just a bunch of crazy liars and that you are wearing the living proof.
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
It was announced this week in 2013 that KISS would be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, prompting what we believe to be the best hall introduction speech ever. And, of course, we have the video, courtesy of Tom Morello.
WORD OF THE WEEK
Canoodle – [kuh·noo·dl] – intransitive verb
Definition: To engage in amorous embracing, caressing, and kissing
Example: C’mon, enough with all that canoodling under the mistletoe.
WIT OF THE WEEK
“I wish I had sent one more helicopter to get the hostages, and we would've rescued them, and I would've been reelected.”
-Jimmy Carter
BIDEN BLURB
“We remain in close touch with Paul’s family, the Whelan family. And my thoughts and prayers are with them today. And we’ll keep negotiating in good faith for Paul’s release. I guarantee that. I say that to the family: I guarantee you.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Damp
NORTH JERSEY – The Port Authority is this mammoth organization, with a budget larger than eight other states. NJ.com reports its whopping $8.3 billion budget controls the backbone of our world, funding the airports, ports, bridges, tunnels and the PATH. And, despite plans to spend $467 million more in 2023, the Port Authority is desperate for cash. OK, you may quickly see where this is going. Yes, tolls are going up, again, by a buck, on all bridges and tunnels. That begins Jan. 8. The Port Authority explains it took a $3 billion drop in revenue over the pandemic and needs to right the ship. Very logical thinking. But how much more can you possibly charge motorists to go through the Holland Tunnel? It makes more sense to just stay home and use the toll savings to order a pizza (including tip.)
TRENTON – You reach a certain point in life when terms like “retired bonded debt” seem downright titillating. For those with pie-in-the-sky dreams of affording to retire in New Jersey, we need to shred the state’s credit cards. And because that is impossible (we checked), we are left to be excited when the state tackles any of its debt. The latest: the governor’s office is paying off $1 billion in school construction bonds. Last year, we were equally giddy when the state retired a little more than $2 billion in other bonded debt, which could result in more than $600 million in taxpayer savings over the next decade, NJ Spotlight reports. Before you start doing cartwheels, remember the state is still sitting on around $45 billion In bonded debt or so. But paying down debt – rather than throwing more on to the pile – is always a big cause for celebration in New Jersey.
CINNAMINSON – It’s been gnawing at us, and likely you too. With New Jersey around for 234 years already, how can we not have an official state juice? Well, this wrong may soon be righted, as some ticked-off fourth graders from Cinnaminson are demanding change. They are the leaders behind proposed legislation that would elevate cranberry juice to its rightful spot topping off all other juices in New Jersey, as the “official state juice.” The legislation has zipped through Assembly committees and now awaits votes in the full Assembly and Senate. It’s looking pretty good that this bill will reach Gov. Phil Murphy’s desk for signature – if we can just control that scrappy tomato juice lobby.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Tennis players can be fined up to $20,000 for cursing at Wimbledon.
LAWRENCE – If you want to learn about social media, feel free to begin posting content on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc. If people comment on your stuff, do more of that. If they aren’t, try a different message. That may be the 17-word summary of the entire curriculum at Rider University, where students can now major in social media strategies. No doubt, social media is a key component of any communication campaign. But do you really need to devote 48 credits of your college experience to mastering it? Try this instead: Major in anything else, seek diversified experience and then learn social media on the job, if you haven’t already figured it out. Think our unsolicited advice is hooey? Well, then minor in social media – which Rider has been offering since 2018 – and pursue a real degree in something your parents can gush about at cocktail parties.
IN THE MEDIA
STOCKTON – A university study shows what many of us already know: New Jersey is desperate for more local news. Stockton University says 34% of New Jersey adults say “none of the news sources they consume provide any information about the local area where they live.” Meanwhile, more than half of New Jerseyans say there’s not enough local news coverage to provide any guidance or direction related to state and local elections. That’s dangerous stuff. The pollster sums it up perfectly: “It’s a vicious circle in which readership and viewership decline, resources are cut and there is less local news content available. As local coverage becomes scarce, fewer people consume news.” The root of the problem? New Jerseyans refuse to support local news outlets by not advertising. We can’t expect a quality news product when independent news organizations are starving. To be blunt: If we want to be informed, we need to pay for it.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
NEW YORK – Do you need to be a whiz to deal with subway urine? Apparently so, as the Metropolitan Transit Authority has dedicated an entire team of professionals to addressing the pee smell in subway elevators. The New York Post reports this has escalated to a Number One priority, as the MTA launches urine-detection software to address the soaked elevators. The pee detector would determine when the odor has reached unsatisfactory levels, requiring the poor maintenance man to be dispatched with the ol’ mop and bucket for the nth time that day. The MTA reports that most elevators are puddle-free, currently, but the few outliers must be addressed. Or they could just be converted into bathrooms with an “up” button. Meanwhile, MTA professionals are second-guessing their choice not to major in social media studies at Rider.
RENO – Think those Lululemon pants are expensive? Well, try this on for size: The oldest pair of jeans – pulled from an 1857 shipwreck – just sold at auction $114,000. Unclear if the jeans will make your butt look any smaller, but the pair does offer a unique talking point at holiday parties: these jeans were made 16 years before Levi Strauss & Co. claimed to produce the first pair of jeans in 1873. And, so, as you slur over your third Manhattan, tell all your friends how Levi’s is just a bunch of crazy liars and that you are wearing the living proof.
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
It was announced this week in 2013 that KISS would be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, prompting what we believe to be the best hall introduction speech ever. And, of course, we have the video, courtesy of Tom Morello.
WORD OF THE WEEK
Canoodle – [kuh·noo·dl] – intransitive verb
Definition: To engage in amorous embracing, caressing, and kissing
Example: C’mon, enough with all that canoodling under the mistletoe.
WIT OF THE WEEK
“I wish I had sent one more helicopter to get the hostages, and we would've rescued them, and I would've been reelected.”
-Jimmy Carter
BIDEN BLURB
“We remain in close touch with Paul’s family, the Whelan family. And my thoughts and prayers are with them today. And we’ll keep negotiating in good faith for Paul’s release. I guarantee that. I say that to the family: I guarantee you.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Damp