PRINCETON – A new MacBook is always nice, but is it worth stealing from a school district? Assume there’s plenty of remorse from a former purchasing agent from the Princeton schools, whose name is now dragged all over the media on charges of stealing $95,000 worth of public property. The 58-year-old Philadelphia resident is in a pile of trouble for forging purchase orders to buy electronic devices and custom interior doors. School officials sniffed out the scam when she bought a MacBook and then flipped it on eBay. Police were able to find her stolen items resold in Colorado, South Carolina, Pittsburgh and Cherry Hill – all amazingly recovered. The purchasing agent was suspended in July 2021 and, realizing her career track may be a little off-kilter, quit.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Hey kiddies, chalk is edible.

STATEWIDE – Since the state’s bag ban went into effect in May, the results have been startling. A sample of 160 grocery stores shows they have collectively eliminated 1.1 million paper bags monthly, as well as, - get this - 55 million single-use plastic bags a month. It’s an amazing start to this law, designed to rid New Jersey of its chronic bag litter, as shoppers are now required to bring their own reusable bags. So, with everything working, let’s celebrate! But, wait. Some state lawmakers are already trying to weaken the law – despite its existence for just five months and strong indications of success. Perhaps just a little wait-and-see before new-and-improved bills are adopted?
 
STATEWIDE – Poverty has skyrocketed in New Jersey, and not just because of incessant toll hikes or the $16 cheeseburger deluxe at the local diner. The sad fact is attributed to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reports the state’s median income dropped by 1.7% between 2019 and last year.  NJ 101.5 reports that nearly one out of 10 people in New Jersey are under the poverty level, with only Hawaii and Maryland seeing greater increases between 2019 and 2021. Another perspective: the estimated number of people in poverty in New Jersey climbed by 132,000 people in the past couple of years, topping 930,000 residents (including 94,000 kids) for the first time in seven years. Yet New Jersey also has the fourth-highest median of all the states – showing, yet again, the huge, gaping disparity here between the haves and have-nots.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

HOOPERSVILLE, Md. – The idea of buying a lighthouse smack the middle of the Chesapeake Bay for less than $200,000 seems like a crazy steal. But, like everything else in real estate, the devil is in the details. The Washington Post reports the starting bid was $15,000, but five potential buyers quickly drove up the price for the “winner,” who paid $192,000. Now the strings, courtesy of Uncle Sam:  The lighthouse must remain a U.S. Coast Guard navigational aid, so there is plenty of protocol about pretty much everything. And then the owner can’t make any alterations to the historic building, despite the fact the exterior is rusting. Oh, and the U.S. Navy has full and complete access to the lighthouse whenever it damn feels like it. There’s also the lead-based paint, asbestos, benzene and other environmental nightmares lurking inside the structure. Oh, and there is a large exterior ladder for the boat dock. But there’s no dock, nor permission to build one.

THE VERY DEEP SOUTH – There’s a growing concern in the backwater evangelical churches. And, no, it is not about that missing slice of peach pie from the rectory. Rather, it seems some parishioners are watching a little too much online porn and it’s time to clamp down.  That’s why these churches are now using “shameware” apps, Wired reports. Parishioners who tend to dabble in the fruits of online flesh are being told to download “Covenant Eyes” or “EverAccountable,” which then provides random screenshots and browser histories to an “accountability partner” to help control the urges. The campaign seems effective. In completely unrelated news, local libraries are reporting a surge in patrons using the desktop computers. Appointments are strongly recommended.

CHULA VISTA, CALIF. – The newest employee at the local Jack in the Box always uses a little elbow grease when he’s working the fryer. He never takes a sick day, never complains about long hours and never slacks when the boss isn’t looking. “Flippy the Robot” is a model worker, says the manager at the fast food joint that pays a robotics firm $3,500 a month to rent his services. “Flippy 2” is now on the way, and soon the world might be filled with automatons dutifully serving up curly fries and chicken nuggets, nj.com says. But before you flip over Flippy and his descendants commandeering jobs from humans, the big cheese at Jack in the Box says they have become a viable option during this protracted labor shortage. Still, the news is hard to swallow – much like the grande sausage burrito.

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY

It wasn’t the prettiest, but, dammit, it was ours. New Jersey celebrated the opening of the Brendan Byrne Arena during this day in 1981.

WORD OF THE WEEK

Proselytize – [PRAH-suh-luh-tyze] – verb
 
Definition: To try to persuade people to join a religion, cause, or group.
 
Example: I’m not going to try to proselytize outside of simply stating the Mets could win the whole darn thing. Wild-card playoffs begin tonight.

WIT OF THE WEEK

“You know, you may not be born in Puerto Rico, but Puerto Rican is definitely born in you.”

– Rosie Perez

BIDEN BLURB

“I’m heading to Puerto Rico because they haven’t been taken very good care of.”