The Jaffe Briefing - September 30, 2022
STATEWIDE – When it comes to polling, the best news is about which politician is failing and how he/she will have to claw back to be re-elected. Oh, the drama! But that story isn’t here sadly, as we can only blandly report that a two-term governor who cannot run for a consecutive term is doing well in the polls. Yes, sleepy stuff here. But voters should still know that Rutgers-Eagleton is reporting that Gov. Phil Murphy is seeing a nice spike in polls, with 47% of us having a nice opinion about this chipper fellow. It’s a herculean jump from March, when his approval rating was just 33% through the same pollster. Of course, as we hate to give a free pass to any politician about anything, it is also worth noting that Murphy landed a pitiful 1% support among Democrats nationally if he tries to seek the Presidential nomination, according to an August poll from McLaughlin & Associates. So, there.
BEHIND BARS – Assume those behind bars are not big Murphy fans, as they have not seen a bump in their pitiful wages since 2001. NJ Spotlight reports about one state inmate who earns $1.20 a day, before taxes, to keep his cell clean. Meanwhile, the prices in his commissary have gone up, up, up. The Department of Corrections says it is considering some form of wage increase, at some point, as commissary costs have risen 11% just over last year, while pay rates are stagnant. Prisoners are mercifully given the basics, like toilet paper, soap and tampons, at no cost. But if they want shampoo or toothpaste, they gotta pay. Bottled water goes for 21 cents, while coffee is sold for $3.45. The big ticket item: a TV for $256. Pay ranges from $1 to $7 a day, but most positions just offer $1 to $3 a day, with a paycheck each month. For prisoners without any financial support beyond the walls, how do they care for themselves? And, really, how can ramen noodles be considered a luxury item?
PAULSBORO – Stop the presses and hold the mustard. Something besides the ham isn’t kosher at Your Hometown Deli. It reported less than $40,000 in annual revenue, yet somehow its parent company, Homestead International, which just owned the deli, was valued at more than $100 million, NJ.com reports. And the fact the stock shot up 939% got the boys’ attention at the Securities Exchange Commission faster than a free order of cheesesteaks. Authorities are alleging that the stock price of Homestead and a related company, much like the sodium content of the corned beef, was artificially inflated. And now two North Carolina men and one from Hong Kong are facing 12 counts of securities fraud, wire fraud, money laundering and market manipulation. The insane company valuation came to the attention of one amazed hedge fund manager, noting "The pastrami must be amazing."
BRIEFING BREATHER
Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down.
ON THE ROAD – Jersey motorists of a certain age may recall when you’d barely slow down to flick a quarter through a half-open driver-side window and into the toll booth basket. (He shoots….and scores!) It was akin to a boardwalk game of chance. Now comes word the New Jersey Turnpike Authority is finally doing away with the baskets, awarding a $914 million contract to a firm to bring all-electronic, cashless toll collection to the Turnpike and Garden State Parkway. The Parkway will probably go all-electric in the next three or four years, with the Turnpike not far behind, a spokesperson tells NJ.com. That’s bad news for the 350 or so remaining toll collectors, as well as motorists who rejoiced in finding a stray quarter under the seat.
IN THE MEDIA
NEWARK – Want to seek an endorsement from the Star-Ledger for your Congressional run? Nah, I’m good, says congressional candidate Tom Kean, Jr., once again refusing to meet with the editorial board of the state’s largest newspaper to seek its blessing, the New Jersey Globe reports. Any casual reader of the newspaper’s opinion page knows the writers lean pretty far to the left, practically falling off the bench, especially after four years of trying to decode whatever Donald Trump may be spewing at the moment. And the newspaper has not been kind to Kean and his aspirations to serve the 7th Congressional District. So, while Kean is more than happy to chat up the ladies at church Bingo and hear all about the grandkids’ latest hobbies, there’s simply no time on the schedule to meet with the editorial board. Meanwhile, for his dad, former Gov. Tom Kean, a powerful Star-Ledger endorsement was a huge deal when he ran for governor in 1981, squeaking by the late Jim Florio.
(Oh, and this Star-Ledger editorial headline on Thursday: “The Rotten Tomato? Tom Kean, Jr.”)
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PORTLAND, Maine — A bargain hunter who went to a garage sale in search of a used KitchenAid mixer stumbled upon a framed document hanging on a wall. It had elaborate script in Latin, along with musical notes and gold flourishes. A sticker said 1285 AD. And based on what this guy recalled in a manuscripts class during his days at Colby College, the document looked downright medieval, the Maine Monitor reports. And for just $75? Heck, forget the mixer! The guy called an old professor, who spoke with a friend, who emailed someone else, who then texted an actual expert on these things. It was eventually confirmed the parchment was from The Beauvais Missal, used in the Beauvais Cathedral in France, and dated to the late 13th century. It was used about 700 years ago in Roman Catholic worship, and now worth about $10,000 (equivalent to 100 gently-used KitchenAid mixers.)
MADDOCK, N.D. — Did you hear the one about the woman who brought a live raccoon into a bar? No, well she’s now facing a ton of criminal charges, like unlawful possession of furbearers. She told authorities she found the raccoon on the side of the road and decided to name it Rocky. Her plan was to nurse it back to health and set it free. But she got thirsty. And there were no babysitters available for wild raccoons. So she took Rocky to the local bar, which is extremely illegal under North Dakota Board of Animal Health. Rocky has been euthanized; the 38-year-old woman is facing lesser penalties.
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
It was this week in 1997 that Hooters pays out $2 million in discrimination lawsuits, a tremendous Constitutional victory for aspiring waitresses of all chest sizes.
WORD OF THE WEEK
Concupiscent – [kon-kyoo-pi-suhnt ] – adjective
Definition: lustful or sensual
Example: Wearing my pleated Levi Dockers does not prompt any concupiscent dreams from anyone.
WIT OF THE WEEK
“I've always wanted to smash a guitar over someone's head. You just can't do that with a piano.”
-Elton John
BIDEN BLURB
"I proudly presented @eltonofficial with the National Humanities Medal for a legacy of challenging convention, shuttering stigma, and advancing the truth that all of us deserve to be treated with dignity."
-Joe Biden
WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD
Pumpkin-spicy