NEW BRUNSWICK – Jersey takes a lot of pride in its pizza. So, when some big shot social media influencer comes to town and trashes the pizza here, it leaves a bad taste in the locals’ mouths. TAPinto New Brunswick reports that David Portnoy, who has gone on to a second career as a pizza reviewer after founding the popular blog Barstool Sports, recently gave the pie at Rutgers’ Brower Commons dining hall a pitiful 1.8 out of 10 score, describing the taste like cardboard. An indignant Mayor Jim Cahill was left to defend his city’s pride, suggesting that the next time Portnoy is in town that he should call him. “I’d be happy to give him a tour of some places that will certainly score a 10.” 

STATEWIDE – Ho-hum. Another $1.6 billion from the feds. Yawn. New Jersey officials are getting plum tired of all this winning, as the federal government continues to throw cash at the state.  New Jersey, now sitting on $6 billion in surplus, is getting another $1.6 billion from Uncle Sam to help fix bridges and highways. NJ.com reports this wheelbarrow of cash is on top of $3.3. billion the feds handed the state under other transportation appropriations last year.  All this money comes at a great time, as reports show New Jersey’s roads and bridges are quickly aging and falling into disrepair with all the heavy, daily use. So, maybe $5 billion more (or so) from the feds ought to do it, for the moment.
 
ON THE ROAD – You may not be ready to replace your gas-guzzler just yet, but the state is still dangling some cash at motorists who finally cave in and buy an electric car. In the latest round of give-aways, the state has spent more than $3.5 million to steer people toward an electric car and life without the need to ever deal with a gas station again. And there is still $31 million in the state’s kitty for those who want to take advantage of the special deal, NJ.com reports. Car buyers can get up to $4,000 toward the price of an electric car, as well as $250 to offset the cost of a home charger, which runs about $800 once the electrician is paid. So, c’mon down for a deal! Special financing available (for qualified buyers.)

BRIEFING BREATHER

A group of owls is called a parliament.

ON THE RAILS – Is my train arriving in Elizabeth, Linden or Rahway? It’s been impossible to tell, based on all the gunk on the cloudy windows of your typical NJ Transit train.  But there will finally be some clarity to this issue, NJ.com reports. NJ Transit is planning to invest $8 million (plus labor) in new, clear windows so commuters can finally figure out where the heck they are, rather than relying on a squawking conductor on what sounds like a 1970s-era phonograph. NJ Transit says the solution is well beyond a good window scrubbing with a squeegee, as acid rain, heat and ultraviolet rays over the years have created the problem.  All in, 429 multi-level rail cars are getting new windows, just so you can finally enjoy the passing view of the rear of buildings.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia – So, what’s a good 70^th birthday gift for a megalomaniac who wants to destroy the planet? Well, if you happen to be President Alexander Lukashenko of Belarus, you want to give that man a tractor. As the crazy leaders of several ex-Soviet nations met at the Czarist-era Konstantin Palace in St. Petersburg, Lukashenko was proud to present Vladimir Putin with a farm vehicle. (Gee, thanks.)  Apparently, in Belarus, tractor-building has been a huge industry since the country was part of the Soviet Union. Lukashenko, who is also an autocratic leader who rules with an iron fist for three decades and counting, told the gushing, state-owned media that he uses the same tractor for his own garden, so its gotta be good. No comment yet from the Russian leader. Not so classy, Vlad.

NEW ZEALAND – Local farmers are having a cow over the proposed tax on the greenhouse gases that farm animals make from all their burping and farting. The government in this country where sheep outnumber humans by five to one is proposing the world’s first tax levy in the name of addressing climate change, the Associated Press reports. The plan, much like what comes out of the back end of farm animals, stinks, says the industry’s main lobby group in the Down, Down Under nation. And there’s no word on which junior tax guy would be tasked with measuring farm animal emissions, but we would imagine that job would be udderly disgusting.

CLEVELAND – There isn’t a fisherman worth his waders who hasn’t told a whale of a fish story. But those harmless fibbers are nothing compared to the guys who apparently stuffed walleye fish with lead balls at a tournament last month in an attempt to win nearly $30,000. The “sportsmen” have been reeled in by the Cuyahoga County Prosecutor’s Office after a grand jury indicted both men Wednesday on felony charges of cheating and attempted grand theft, the New York Times reports. Officials cut their fish open at the Lake Erie Walleye Trail tournament on Sept. 30, revealing a total of 10 weights, sending waves throughout the sport. Both fishermen now face up to a year in prison; their fates to be decided on the scale of justice. A helpful side note: the prison kitchen serves fish sticks on alternating Thursdays.

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY

It was this week in 1989 that you sat through 55 minutes of "The Price is Right", hoping the boat or hot tub ended up in the Showcase.

WORD OF THE WEEK

Bombinate – [BAHM-buh-nayt] – verb
 
Definition: To make a sustained, murmuring sound similar to a buzz or drone
 
Example: As a bombastic blowhard, who bombards people with droning blather at cocktail parties, I’ve been accused of bombinating.

WIT OF THE WEEK

"I have two words for you, Larry. Thirteen."

- Bob Ho

BIDEN BLURB

WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD

Autumnal