The Jaffe Briefing - October 28, 2021

STATEWIDE – As pediatric COVID shots will soon be the next issue in the very tired story of this lingering pandemic, New Jersey is getting on board by placing a huge order with Pfizer. No, the state is not mandating that about 760,000 kiddies ages 5-11 get the vaccine – as that would be a hornet’s nest that no one wants to see. But, New Jersey will still have 205,000 shots on the way – and likely many more – for families who want to keep children safe when the feds approve the use, expected next week. And we should also expect some in-school clinics, just in case protesters need a convenient place to protest. Gov. Phil Murphy anticipates “a busy week next week,” calling pediatric vaccines the latest “game changer.”

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – After blowing through $46 million or so, it looks as if the campaign for governor will end right where it started: Gov. Phil Murphy with a double-digit lead. Monmouth University, with a reputation for having a legitimate, non-partisan poll, reports that Murphy is enjoying an 11-point lead over GOP challenger Jack Ciattarelli as the candidates race toward the final weekend of campaigning. The Republican challenger – delicately balancing moderate Republicans with all the Trumpies – did move the needle slightly, with all this advertising, as Murphy was leading by 13 points last month. So, no, the race isn’t really “narrowing,” as the national pundits gushed, in the hopes of a real horse race. In the end, the political parties will vote for their candidates, as they tend to do. And there just happens to be a lot more Democratic voters in New Jersey. 

NORTHVALE – A far-right Oath Keeper in the New Jersey General Assembly? Likely not, but The New York Times is still reporting on the campaign of Ed Durfee in the 37th Legislative District. While Bergen County GOP leaders describe Durfee as a “mild-mannered conservative,” the newspaper says he is a libertarian who distrusts the Federal Reserve and joined the Oath Keepers militia outside the Capitol during the Jan. 6 attack. Durfee is quick to note that he did not enter the Capitol, which is nice, but the former Marine was there to “stop the steal.” He was uncontested in the GOP primary for the Assembly run and is also the Republican chair of Northvale. He doesn’t expect to win on Tuesday in such a liberal enclave, but calls himself “an oxymoron in government,” adding “I’m on the ballot because nobody challenged me.” Consider this story another wake-up call.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The most stolen book in the U.S.? The Bible.

TOMS RIVER – With legal cannabis dispensaries about to pop up in every other strip mall across New Jersey, what’s a drug-sniffing dog supposed to do for work these days? Well, he can follow Remi’s lead. The Labrador retriever-mix is deployed by a Florida-based company that searches for traces of human waste in water systems. The Asbury Park Press reports that Remi’s super snout detects leaky septic systems that may have seeped into the public waterways. Dogs like Remi are cheaper, faster alternatives for detecting pollution, saving towns and organizations millions of dollars. One whiff is worth an entire day of an expensive, intrusive work crew, a big selling point on Remi’s LinkedIn page.

ABERDEEN – There was an interesting visitor at the door. The Asbury Park Press reports Rabbi Laurence Malinger was sitting at his desk at Temple Shalom on Oct. 19, when the office manager said there was someone at the door. Who? The Second Gentleman. “I said, ‘Wait, what?’” Malinger said. Doug Emhoff, the husband of Vice President Kamala Harris, stopped by to check out the place where he had his Bar Mitzvah in 1977 while living in neighboring Old Bridge. “Totally shocked the heck out of us,” the rabbi said. “He was on his way to Metropark (Station) to catch a train to D.C., and he convinced his entourage to stop here…” But not enough for a minyan.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BANGKOK – A lunatic living in a high-rise condo in Thailand didn’t like the fact that painters were working on the exterior of the building, as they were unexpectedly appearing out her window. And, because she was not properly notified by the condo board, she believed it was perfectly in her right to cut their ropes, leaving them hanging off the side of the building, at the 26th floor. The resident is rightfully facing attempted murder charges, as the frantic painters yelled to other residents, begging them to open their windows and let them in. Luckily, a couple in the building did just that. She turned herself in yesterday, with police showing her video of her crime. This clearly unhinged resident is now looking at 20 years in a not-so-friendly Thailand prison. Next time, how about a courtesy memo about scheduled building maintenance? Sheesh.

WORD OF THE DAY

Treacle – [TREE-kul] – noun

Definition: Another name for molasses

Example: I love my biscuit with a schmear of treacle.

WIT OF THE DAY

“As the planet warms up, heavy storms are producing vastly more rainfall in short periods of time—that’s led to catastrophic flooding and sewage overflows around the country, and not just in the liberal urban hellholes you’d expect, but also in the red states that God doesn’t hate.” 

-Samantha Bee

BIDEN BLURB

“We got to listen to the scientists and the economists and the national security experts. They all tell us this is code red. The nation and the world are in peril. And that's not hyperbole. That is a fact. They've been warning us the extreme weather would get more extreme over the decade, and we're living it in real time now.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Sunshine