The Jaffe Briefing - June 7, 2021
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Tomorrow is primary day, and there’s a contested race among Republicans in the race for governor. One would assume this would be a cake walk for Jack Ciattarelli, the sane front runner with the strong backing of all 21 county organizations. But there are still those chilling ripples of Trump, and Ciattarelli has been forced to spend millions of dollars to slam a Trumpist diehard, Hirsh Singh, a nut who spreads the tired lies of how last year’s presidential election was “stolen.” Spending like crazy, Ciattarelli put out a mailer that mocked Singh for still living with his parents, while the Record notes Singh has a baseball cap emblazoned with "Trump won" and declared Trump as the "greatest president of my lifetime and possibly ever." Meanwhile, he declares Ciattarelli to be a RINO (a Republican In Name Only). The point here: There is still a lot of Trump support in New Jersey, despite the obvious, forcing Ciattarelli to blow his war chest before he even gets to Gov. Phil Murphy this fall. Trump Republicans eating mainstream Republicans, to Trump’s apparent delight.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – There’s also other stuff on the ballot, like all 120 seats in the state Legislature and about 70 municipal races. Most are uncontested, as we all love our local legislators. There are only 18 contested legislative races out of a possible 240, and only a handful of them are real races. There’s a hot contest in the 37th district, where Senate Majority Leader Loretta Weinberg is retiring and her two longtime district mates, Assembly members Gordon Johnson and Valerie Vainieri Huttle, want the seat. You also have a scrappy race in the 20th Legislative District, with Assemblyman Jamel Holley looking to unseat Sen. Joe Cryan, and, in the 26th District, where GOP Assemblywoman BettyLou DeCroce is running for re-election, surprisingly without the support of the party in Morris County. And that’s your statewide recap, in 129 words.
CRANFORD – Running off the party line is never easy, and former Mayor Tom Hannen wants you to know all about it. Last night, he posted a Facebook video dressed in full winter gear, in front of a sign that says “Welcome to Ballot Siberia.” It highlights his teeny-tiny spot on the ballot, hidden away at Line 14D among the Democrats. Hannen said there was no screening process for the party line, with the municipal party selecting someone else in what will likely guarantee a primary win. That left Hannen out in his Ballot Siberia, in which voters need both a magnifying glass and a microscope if they have a shot of finding his name hidden away on the ballot, somewhere.
STATEWIDE – There’s some blowback on Long Island, with one school district announcing this morning that it is ditching the mask requirement for students, no matter what New York officials say. So, what about New Jersey? Gov. Phil Murphy is holding tight on the mask mandate – even for school districts that have stifling, outdated schools without air conditioning. Murphy says he might lift the requirement for the upcoming school year, which is of little comfort for kids this week, as temperatures soar again into the 90s. It was hard enough to learn algebra in those sweltering classrooms before the pandemic. Now, x plus x can only equal “impossible.”
BRIEFING BREATHER
Roller coasters were invented to distract people from sin.
NEWARK – As standard practice, most respected media ignores those random Internet “studies” that for-profit websites use as click bait. Luckily, we are not considered respected media, so we are free to report on the latest non-study from some site called “LawnStarter.” And the study? What are the horniest cities in the United States, based on nine key indicators of sexual arousal. The factors: the share of the single population, Google search interest in adult content, and sex-toy sales, as well as one-on-one interviews. And the results? Newark came in seventh, among the nation’s horniest cities. Pretty impressive. And the least horny place in America – where people go to the Hallmark Channel for some kinkiness – is Midland, TX.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Time is ticking away for an easy job tomorrow – serving as a poll worker. Residents of all ages – including high school kids and the National Guard – can earn up to $400 for a full day’s work tomorrow during primary election day; polls open 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. But they need to act super fast – by noon today – to sign up. It’s super light work, with plenty of free coffee and donuts, as well as a light drizzle of voters who meander in throughout the day and may need help finding their election district. For poll workers, the greatest challenge is to stay awake during a very long day of sitting. (Did we mention the coffee?) Remember: you need to act within the next hour to sign up; click here.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PHILADELPHIA – Just please wear a mask. That is the message from the organizers of this year’s Philly Naked Bike Ride, who declare the show must go on. Bike riders won’t need to wear shirts, pants, skirts or undies – but officials still require masks, darn it, as they pedal 10 miles. Buck naked, they will enjoy such sites as Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and the Philadelphia Museum of Art’s steps, featured in the “Rocky” movies, during the Aug. 28 event. Go for it, but at least consider wearing sunscreen.
LAW TALK
Attorney: How many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too might of a fight.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Gamers rejoiced on this day in 2011 when Nintendo’s Wii U was introduced. Landmark stuff here, with a touch-screen display that bridged portable and tablet-based games with console video games. Yet another reason to never speak with another live person.
WORD OF THE DAY
Rigmarole – [RIG-uh-muh-rol] – noun
Definition: confused or meaningless talk
Example: There were two weeks without the Jaffe Briefing and all its rigmarole.
WIT OF THE DAY
“The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.”
- Slappy White
BIDEN BLURB
“The single biggest stimulus to the economy are the unemployment benefits we are paying.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Humid