The Jaffe Briefing - January 6, 2021

ON THE RAILS – With all this fresh thinking coming to Washington, perhaps they can fast track those two new tubes under the Hudson River and make critical, post-Sandy repairs. It really is a story of a generation, as the economic future of northern New Jersey relies on an expanded, reliable commuter rail system. As the price tag soars, and the can kicked throughout the Christie Administration, followed by the Trump disaster, now could finally be the time for action. Gov. Phil Murphy is all over incoming U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, urging him to visit the 111-year-old Hudson River rail tunnels with future majority leader, Sen. Chuck Schumer. Murphy says that Buttigieg is well aware of the $30 billion (and climbing) project. There’s high hopes the feds will finally jump on board, modernizing this lynchpin along the Northeast Corridor.

TRENTON – The last time there was this much buzz was when Z-100 gave away Duran Duran tickets to lucky callers. Or perhaps we are dating ourselves in reporting that the state’s vaccine registration website was swamped yesterday, as New Jerseyans flooded it. Eager to get on the waiting list, people were complaining of glitches, such as the site refusing to accept birth dates and long loading times. State officials ask that we all calm the heck down and allow health care workers to use the site first, so it can adequately handle the burst in web traffic. The site is covid19.nj.gov. Wait a day or two, ok? It really won’t make a difference.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Whether or not you dream in black and white depends on whether you watched black-and-white television.

TRENTON – Did you hear the one about the governor who walked into a bar? Yeah, nothing really happened because the governor vetoed legislation that would have served as a lifeline for struggling bars, restaurants and breweries that hoped to expand their outdoor footprint to stay afloat. The Hail Mary was in the form of failed legislation that would have expanded operations into parking lots, yards, patios, decks and public sidewalks. The governor’s explanation? This special permission would have circumvented current licensing and regulation and, apparently, the veto is all about “protecting the public’s health and safety.” From what? A beer served in a parking lot?

METUCHEN – And, speaking of beers, the “Brainy Boro” has a brilliant idea to make its charming downtown a bit more charming, with an outdoor beer garden in a new Main Street “pocket park.” Mayor Jonathan Busch envisions a soon-vacant bank property to become “a versatile downtown refuge, a gathering place for friends and families, and quiet place for reflection.” The Criterion-Sentinel says this small park is still 18 months away, but Busch envisions a passive green space where people “can meet up, hold an outdoor meeting, grab lunch with a co-worker, eat ice cream or have a beer.” A restaurateur would be awarded a concessionaire’s liquor license to keep the suds flowing – six feet apart, for the moment.

WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP – Cops in Warren County are calling it a “fowl disturbance,” looking for the owner of two chickens who were “wreaking havoc” last Tuesday in a local McDonald’s, NJ.com reports. Perhaps angry about all the McNuggets, the birds were harassing and chasing customers, as well as pecking customer’s tires, at the Route 31 location. The animal control officer descended, corralling the birds.  Meanwhile, Washington cops trying out for a gig with the Jaffe Briefing wrote on social media that authorities “responded to the scene before the perpetrators could fly the coup.” … Keep your day job, boys.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

STAMFORD, VT — Folks are ripping off their masks to thumb their noses at Vermont Gov. Phil Scott, saying his COVID-19 restrictions are plumb crazy. Fed up with wearing masks, with bans on big family and public gatherings, and quarantines, this 800-person town’s Board of Selectmen are urging residents to simply ignore the governor’s executive order rules – all similar to New Jersey’s – saying these rules “set a dangerous precedent” that may lead to a loss of more personal freedoms. One town official tells the Bennington Banner the state “tells us sit down, shut up and do as you’re told. That’s not going to fly. Not in this town,” alleging the restrictions are unconstitutional. The state is fighting back, with the state Attorney General dragging these selectmen into court. Masks mandatory.

BAR GRAMMAR

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2012 that 45,000 Facebook logins and passwords were stolen by the Ramnit worm.  Nobody “liked” that.

WORD OF THE DAY

Comely – [KUM-lee] – adjective

Definition: Pleasurably conforming to notions of good appearance, suitability, or proportion

Example: Assume Mitch McConnell does not look particularly comely this morning.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” 

-Charles Schulz

BIDEN BLURB

“I’m asking you to give everything you’ve got for one more day.” 

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Sunny!