The Jaffe Briefing - January 5, 2021

STATEWIDE – You know what? Good riddance. Every year, media writes about how New Jersey comes in dead last in the number of people moving in, compared with the number of people who are fleeing. You know what? We are tired of writing this story. So, this year, we are flipping the Jersey salute to United Van Lines’ 44th-annual National Migration Study. And we scoff at our nation-leading 69.5% outbound migration rate. To us, they are quitters. And no one in Jersey can tolerate a quitter. Meanwhile, enjoy that pizza slice in South Dakota. Bet it’s delicious.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The feeling of getting lost inside a mall is known as the Gruen transfer.

SOUTH JERSEY – Not only does Rep. Jeff Van Drew struggle to coordinate a plaid shirt with a plaid suit and a polka-dot tie, he is also unpatriotic.  That, at least, is the message from Gov. Phil Murphy, who thinks it is ridiculous that Van Drew and other conspiracy loons will be refusing to certify Joe Biden’s obvious election tomorrow. Murphy yesterday slammed this cabal of congressional cretins for its “shameful, dangerous, undemocratic and unpatriotic display," adding these right wingers “are openly and unabashedly working to undermine our constitutional norms.” Jeez, even Chris Christie has publicly backed off on this. That should tell you something.

AT THE POLLS – Maybe New Jerseyans love elections, which could be why we have so many. This year, however, our first round of local elections will be bunched up on Tuesday, April 20. While we were merrily wrapping ourselves in holiday tinsel and holly, Gov. Phil Murphy fired off an executive order to postpone February’s fire district elections, March’s special school votes, and all early-year referendums until a big vote date on April 20. All of these elections will coincide with the regular school board elections, a move Murphy told NJ.com will “conserve time and resources,” giving towns enough time to gear up for more mail-in balloting. It's the third time Murphy has delayed elections due to the COVID-19 pandemic. And it shouldn’t be the last – especially if money can be saved.

FAIR LAWN - A Bergen County woman is putting the B.A. in bagel. She has launched what can best be described as a college to teach everything you always wanted to know about the everything bagel – sesame, garlic and salt ones, too. From poppyseeds to pop quizzes, she gives students as far away as India, Saudi Arabia, Africa and the Netherlands a crash course on how to make an authentic Jersey bagel. She also has a recipe for success to those starting their own shops, including tips on how to manage finances and create business plans. “It's amazing how many people want to go into the bagel business,” George told News12. Bagel U: Everything you need to know, with a schmear.

ELMWOOD PARK – Suddenly, and likely just for a moment, this Bergen County burb is big news in the Record. First, some are complaining that the council meetings open with a prayer – a practice that has been done since the Founding Fathers. The mayor wants to keep the tradition going, asking God for some guidance, but he notes it is not a particular god. It can be really any god that works for you. But others believe these prayers can lean toward Christianity, especially if you mention “our Father.” Perhaps any god of choice can intervene on another festering town issue, as the former head of the building department, who happens to be the mayor of Maywood, is suing Elmwood Park for getting canned, claiming he was booted because he refused to “turn a blind eye” to glaring code violations. This whistleblower lawsuit could go to court, or all may pray for divine intervention, if permitted.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

LAGRANGE, Ind. – Beat it, hippies. That was once the standard greeting in this straight-laced town. But now there is plenty of peace and love with word that town leaders are finally repealing the anti-hippie ordinance. Town fathers passed the law in 1971, worried that a huge gathering like the 1969 Woodstock festival would come in and destroy the town, in a haze of smoke. The News Sun reports that the ordinance blocked gatherings that lasted more than 12 hours and attracted more than 500 revelers. Finally, the law was scrapped, as Lagrange officials are pretty confident that Jimi Hendrix will not be performing in the town square, after all.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1990 that Donald Crump is appointed the eighth commissioner of the Canadian Football League. Meanwhile, a future U.S. president adds the job to his bio, assuming the hiring was meant for him.

BAR GRAMMAR

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar—fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

WORD OF THE DAY

Dissociate – [dih-SOH-shee-ayt] – verb

Definition: To separate from association or union with another

Example: Will Georgia voters further disassociate from Donald Trump today?

WIT OF THE DAY

"You can't tip-toe through games. If you're cautious, you're retired.”

- Floyd Little

BIDEN BLURB

“Floyd Little and I were students at Syracuse University together. And over the years, I got to know the man behind the number. He was full of character, decency, and integrity. I will miss my friend.” 

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Same