The Jaffe Briefing - December 14, 2020
The Jaffe Briefing closes out the year on Wednesday, December 16 – kissing 2020 goodbye – returning Monday, Jan. 4, 2021.
TRENTON – So, uh, how are New Jersey students faring during this lingering pandemic? Certainly a scary question, but some state lawmakers are still eager for concrete answers from the state Department of Education. There’s now a bill in the state Senate, calling for state educators to study what the heck is really happening with “learning loss” and to concoct a response plan to get the kids back on track. There’s no question this information is vital; the question is the feasibility of putting another burden on local school officials, who have been treading water for months. Student and teacher safety remains paramount, followed by the daily pressures of delivering some form of meaningful education. Then, sure, state-mandated data collection would be great.
CAMDEN – We all take our cookies seriously, and this is not a time to mess with us. So, with word that Pepperidge Farm is dealing with some “supply constraints” at the moment just doesn’t sit well. Some of the cookies, with unique shapes like the Chessman and Bordeaux varieties, have specific recipes that are prompting the shortage says Pepperidge Farm owner, Campbell’s Soup Co. Labor shortages have also been a problem during this damn pandemic. But fear not cookie faithful! Campbell’s expects to fully serve the “expected sustained growth” of “consumer snacking behavior.” Meanwhile, recent demand is up by nearly 9%, as we all obviously need something to dunk in the hot cocoa. And, no, the Oreo just doesn’t work here, in our expert opinion.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Humans are the only animals who like spicy food.
NEWARK – This city has won the vaccine sweepstakes, as University Hospital will be the target of the very first shots, to be given to frontline health care workers tomorrow. Gov. Phil Murphy will be there for the big photo op – for what the media is dubbing “Vaccine Rollout Day” – as the first batch of 76,000 doses will be split among health care workers, as well as long-term care facility workers and residents, at six hospitals statewide. Things start slow at each site, with around 600 vaccinations a day once it all arrives. Murphy believes that all New Jerseyans should have access to a vaccine by as early as April – the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
STATEWIDE – Miraculously, New Jersey restaurants are still allowed to serve diners inside. That’s a big statement, as NYC is forcing diners back out to the cold, just like Pennsylvania decreed on Saturday, to the glee of propane retailers. Gov. Phil Murphy says he can always shut things down if things get worse, but it is surprising that he would buck the mandates of neighboring governors by keeping the indoor lights on. One could only assume that it is an election year, and further decimating the restaurant/bar community is not a recipe for success.
STATEWIDE – And speaking of an election year, is Murphy ready to sign on to another gas tax? Governors throughout the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic are considering this new, regional tax, to fund programs aimed at reducing transportation pollution. NJ 101.5 says the proposal is called the “Transportation and Climate Initiative,” bringing about what could be an additional gas tax of upwards of 17 cents a gallon. Such a plan could bring New Jersey $750 million a year to help us all breathe easier. It is a smart time to do it, as gas is cheap and we don’t go anywhere. And when life turns to normal – and our streets are once again clogged with cars and trucks – that fund would be vital to combat the pollution. But, on top of everything else, are we willing to accept another gas tax?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ON AIR – Not only are Dr. Anthony Fauci and Kamala Harris household names, they have also been deemed two people whose names are most commonly mispronounced. That’s according to the U.S. Captioning Company, which captions and subtitles real-time events in courtrooms. Other impossible names: Bangtan Sonyeondan (PUNG-tahn SOH-nyun-dahn), the full name of South Korean K-Pop band “BTS.” There is also Giannis Antetokounmpo (YON-nis AHN-de-doh-KOON-boh), NBA’s “Most Valuable Player” this year, Leonardo da Vinci (lee-oh-NAR-doe dah-VIN-chee) and Mahamayavi Bhagavan Antle (mu-HAH-muh-yaw-vee bag-AH-wahn ANT-uhl), the full name of wildlife park operator ‘Doc’ Antle, who shot to fame in the eye-opening documentary, “Tiger King.”
BAR GRAMMAR
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Need to end a long losing streak in the NFL? Play the Jets, just like the Saints did on this day in 1980, breaking 14 losses.
WORD OF THE DAY
Homage - [AH-mij] - noun
Definition: An expression of high regard; respect
Example: We pay homage to the staff member who reminded us this morning that we initially forgot to add a "Word of the Day."
WIT OF THE DAY
“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.”
-Indira Gandhi
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Vaccines are shipped and on their way, FIVE YEARS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE. Get well USA. Get well WORLD. We love you all!”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sloppy
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com
The Jaffe Briefing closes out the year on Wednesday, December 16 – kissing 2020 goodbye – returning Monday, Jan. 4, 2021.
TRENTON – So, uh, how are New Jersey students faring during this lingering pandemic? Certainly a scary question, but some state lawmakers are still eager for concrete answers from the state Department of Education. There’s now a bill in the state Senate, calling for state educators to study what the heck is really happening with “learning loss” and to concoct a response plan to get the kids back on track. There’s no question this information is vital; the question is the feasibility of putting another burden on local school officials, who have been treading water for months. Student and teacher safety remains paramount, followed by the daily pressures of delivering some form of meaningful education. Then, sure, state-mandated data collection would be great.
CAMDEN – We all take our cookies seriously, and this is not a time to mess with us. So, with word that Pepperidge Farm is dealing with some “supply constraints” at the moment just doesn’t sit well. Some of the cookies, with unique shapes like the Chessman and Bordeaux varieties, have specific recipes that are prompting the shortage says Pepperidge Farm owner, Campbell’s Soup Co. Labor shortages have also been a problem during this damn pandemic. But fear not cookie faithful! Campbell’s expects to fully serve the “expected sustained growth” of “consumer snacking behavior.” Meanwhile, recent demand is up by nearly 9%, as we all obviously need something to dunk in the hot cocoa. And, no, the Oreo just doesn’t work here, in our expert opinion.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Humans are the only animals who like spicy food.
NEWARK – This city has won the vaccine sweepstakes, as University Hospital will be the target of the very first shots, to be given to frontline health care workers tomorrow. Gov. Phil Murphy will be there for the big photo op – for what the media is dubbing “Vaccine Rollout Day” – as the first batch of 76,000 doses will be split among health care workers, as well as long-term care facility workers and residents, at six hospitals statewide. Things start slow at each site, with around 600 vaccinations a day once it all arrives. Murphy believes that all New Jerseyans should have access to a vaccine by as early as April – the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
STATEWIDE – Miraculously, New Jersey restaurants are still allowed to serve diners inside. That’s a big statement, as NYC is forcing diners back out to the cold, just like Pennsylvania decreed on Saturday, to the glee of propane retailers. Gov. Phil Murphy says he can always shut things down if things get worse, but it is surprising that he would buck the mandates of neighboring governors by keeping the indoor lights on. One could only assume that it is an election year, and further decimating the restaurant/bar community is not a recipe for success.
STATEWIDE – And speaking of an election year, is Murphy ready to sign on to another gas tax? Governors throughout the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic are considering this new, regional tax, to fund programs aimed at reducing transportation pollution. NJ 101.5 says the proposal is called the “Transportation and Climate Initiative,” bringing about what could be an additional gas tax of upwards of 17 cents a gallon. Such a plan could bring New Jersey $750 million a year to help us all breathe easier. It is a smart time to do it, as gas is cheap and we don’t go anywhere. And when life turns to normal – and our streets are once again clogged with cars and trucks – that fund would be vital to combat the pollution. But, on top of everything else, are we willing to accept another gas tax?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ON AIR – Not only are Dr. Anthony Fauci and Kamala Harris household names, they have also been deemed two people whose names are most commonly mispronounced. That’s according to the U.S. Captioning Company, which captions and subtitles real-time events in courtrooms. Other impossible names: Bangtan Sonyeondan (PUNG-tahn SOH-nyun-dahn), the full name of South Korean K-Pop band “BTS.” There is also Giannis Antetokounmpo (YON-nis AHN-de-doh-KOON-boh), NBA’s “Most Valuable Player” this year, Leonardo da Vinci (lee-oh-NAR-doe dah-VIN-chee) and Mahamayavi Bhagavan Antle (mu-HAH-muh-yaw-vee bag-AH-wahn ANT-uhl), the full name of wildlife park operator ‘Doc’ Antle, who shot to fame in the eye-opening documentary, “Tiger King.”
BAR GRAMMAR
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Need to end a long losing streak in the NFL? Play the Jets, just like the Saints did on this day in 1980, breaking 14 losses.
WORD OF THE DAY
Homage - [AH-mij] - noun
Definition: An expression of high regard; respect
Example: We pay homage to the staff member who reminded us this morning that we initially forgot to add a "Word of the Day."
WIT OF THE DAY
“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.”
-Indira Gandhi
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Vaccines are shipped and on their way, FIVE YEARS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE. Get well USA. Get well WORLD. We love you all!”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sloppy
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com