The Jaffe Briefing - December 11, 2020
MORRISTOWN – We all hate wearing masks. But perhaps a customer at Fatty’s restaurant went a wee bit overboard, attacking and threatening to kill the restaurant owner after he was thrown out for refusing to wear a mask. The 21-year-old former customer is now facing a ton of charges, like aggravated assault, terroristic threats, weapons offenses, etc., etc. after going berserk Wednesday. NJ.com reports the customer “became disrespectful” after his order was cancelled and his money refunded. That’s when the customer started punching the manager over the counter, whipping out a knife, threatening to kill the staff and then throwing his knife at them. He also hurled the counter’s iPad at the workers, for good measure, before the manager chased him out. Everyone knows Fattys is the home of “fat” sandwiches. They are good. But not this good.
PATERSON – Going to prison is justifiable for disgraced former mayors. But taking their taxpayer-funded health insurance? Well, that is just a little too far. The Paterson Press reports that a Superior Court judge has ordered convicted former Mayor Joey Torres should resume getting free health insurance. The city also must reimburse the Torres family for all its medical costs after Paterson removed the former mayor from its coverage on Jan. 1, 2019. Why is this happening? Because Torres successfully argued that Paterson was wrong when it dropped him from its list of retirees getting free health insurance. The former mayor only learned he was dropped when his daughter went for dental work in January 2019 and the family got a bill for $1,080. Paterson’s policies provide free medical insurance to all retirees with at least 25 years of service time. Apparently, no matter what.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The state sport of Maryland is jousting.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Sigh. New Jersey is joining 19 other states in a whole waste of resources, as the states are asking the U.S. Supreme Court to reject this senseless effort to overturn the 2020 election. There are 18 GOP-run states throwing a Hail Mary, trying to convince the highest court that they should ignore democracy, based on no facts other than the ramblings of the outgoing president. Yes, Trump put three justices on the Supreme Court, but with their lifetime appointments and their credibility on the line, how do the states expect them to rule without a shred of evidence, despite whatever Rudy Giuliani claims may or may not be in his briefcase next Tuesday or Thursday?
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Yes, we are all sick of elections. But it will still be the job of New Jersey Republicans to get us all excited for the gubernatorial election in 2021. There will be a party primary in June. So far, the headliners will be GOP State Chair Doug Steinhardt vs. Jack Ciattarelli, with other hopefuls sprinkled in. The ultimate winner takes on Gov. Phil Murphy next November. While Democrats outnumber Republicans in our Blue state, names like “Gov. Chris Christie” and “Gov. Christie Whitman” show that the GOP can win the big seat, especially when the electorate is thirsting for any change, any change at all. And no Democrat has won a second gubernatorial term in New Jersey in more than four decades. Meanwhile, the state has heaps of debt and this lingering pandemic. Republicans have taken notice.
MULLICA TWP – Mystery solved! Loud, earthshaking, window-rattling “booms” have startled scores of people here and other small Atlantic County towns for weeks. They speculated the source was anything from military jets to dynamite blasts. Turns out, it was just a guy firing off his big homemade cannon. Vineyard owner Rob Butkowski tells the New York Post he uses the “hail cannon” to break up clouds above his Hammonton property and scare off pesky birds that munch on his grapes. Police say they can’t stop Butkowski because his contraption “doesn’t fire projectiles and is not a firearm or explosive.” It uses an acetylene-oxygen mixture in a propane tank to shoot bursts of gas 30,000 feet high in a 1½-mile radius. Butkowski says will keep having a blast: “I’m gonna do whatever I want as long as it’s legal.”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BEIJING – Can working the friendly skies get any crappier? Ask flight attendants in China, who are now being told to wear diapers on their shifts. The nation’s aviation authority has released new COVID-19 guidelines that calls for the crew to wear diapers so they don’t further soil the plane lavatories. The Civil Aviation Administration of China has dashed off some new “technical guidelines.” Sure, there’s standard stuff like wearing masks. But social media is all aflutter over this: “It is recommended that cabin crew members wear disposable diapers and avoid using the lavatories barring special circumstances to avoid infection risks.” How horrible. Meanwhile, passengers are discouraged from ordering the “special” lemonade.
BAR GRAMMAR
A question mark walks into a bar?
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1975 that the price of a first-class stamp rises from 10 cents to 13 cents just before Christmas; grandma is livid.
WORD OF THE DAY
Contraband – [KAHN-truh-band] – noun
Definition: Goods or merchandise whose importation, exportation, or possession is forbidden.
Example: Remember when you used to go to live events and they would check you for contraband?
WIT OF THE DAY
“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.”
-Cheshire Cat
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Now it turns out that my phone call to the President of Ukraine, which many, including me, have called 'perfect,' was even better than that.”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Whatever
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com
MORRISTOWN – We all hate wearing masks. But perhaps a customer at Fatty’s restaurant went a wee bit overboard, attacking and threatening to kill the restaurant owner after he was thrown out for refusing to wear a mask. The 21-year-old former customer is now facing a ton of charges, like aggravated assault, terroristic threats, weapons offenses, etc., etc. after going berserk Wednesday. NJ.com reports the customer “became disrespectful” after his order was cancelled and his money refunded. That’s when the customer started punching the manager over the counter, whipping out a knife, threatening to kill the staff and then throwing his knife at them. He also hurled the counter’s iPad at the workers, for good measure, before the manager chased him out. Everyone knows Fattys is the home of “fat” sandwiches. They are good. But not this good.
PATERSON – Going to prison is justifiable for disgraced former mayors. But taking their taxpayer-funded health insurance? Well, that is just a little too far. The Paterson Press reports that a Superior Court judge has ordered convicted former Mayor Joey Torres should resume getting free health insurance. The city also must reimburse the Torres family for all its medical costs after Paterson removed the former mayor from its coverage on Jan. 1, 2019. Why is this happening? Because Torres successfully argued that Paterson was wrong when it dropped him from its list of retirees getting free health insurance. The former mayor only learned he was dropped when his daughter went for dental work in January 2019 and the family got a bill for $1,080. Paterson’s policies provide free medical insurance to all retirees with at least 25 years of service time. Apparently, no matter what.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The state sport of Maryland is jousting.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Sigh. New Jersey is joining 19 other states in a whole waste of resources, as the states are asking the U.S. Supreme Court to reject this senseless effort to overturn the 2020 election. There are 18 GOP-run states throwing a Hail Mary, trying to convince the highest court that they should ignore democracy, based on no facts other than the ramblings of the outgoing president. Yes, Trump put three justices on the Supreme Court, but with their lifetime appointments and their credibility on the line, how do the states expect them to rule without a shred of evidence, despite whatever Rudy Giuliani claims may or may not be in his briefcase next Tuesday or Thursday?
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Yes, we are all sick of elections. But it will still be the job of New Jersey Republicans to get us all excited for the gubernatorial election in 2021. There will be a party primary in June. So far, the headliners will be GOP State Chair Doug Steinhardt vs. Jack Ciattarelli, with other hopefuls sprinkled in. The ultimate winner takes on Gov. Phil Murphy next November. While Democrats outnumber Republicans in our Blue state, names like “Gov. Chris Christie” and “Gov. Christie Whitman” show that the GOP can win the big seat, especially when the electorate is thirsting for any change, any change at all. And no Democrat has won a second gubernatorial term in New Jersey in more than four decades. Meanwhile, the state has heaps of debt and this lingering pandemic. Republicans have taken notice.
MULLICA TWP – Mystery solved! Loud, earthshaking, window-rattling “booms” have startled scores of people here and other small Atlantic County towns for weeks. They speculated the source was anything from military jets to dynamite blasts. Turns out, it was just a guy firing off his big homemade cannon. Vineyard owner Rob Butkowski tells the New York Post he uses the “hail cannon” to break up clouds above his Hammonton property and scare off pesky birds that munch on his grapes. Police say they can’t stop Butkowski because his contraption “doesn’t fire projectiles and is not a firearm or explosive.” It uses an acetylene-oxygen mixture in a propane tank to shoot bursts of gas 30,000 feet high in a 1½-mile radius. Butkowski says will keep having a blast: “I’m gonna do whatever I want as long as it’s legal.”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BEIJING – Can working the friendly skies get any crappier? Ask flight attendants in China, who are now being told to wear diapers on their shifts. The nation’s aviation authority has released new COVID-19 guidelines that calls for the crew to wear diapers so they don’t further soil the plane lavatories. The Civil Aviation Administration of China has dashed off some new “technical guidelines.” Sure, there’s standard stuff like wearing masks. But social media is all aflutter over this: “It is recommended that cabin crew members wear disposable diapers and avoid using the lavatories barring special circumstances to avoid infection risks.” How horrible. Meanwhile, passengers are discouraged from ordering the “special” lemonade.
BAR GRAMMAR
A question mark walks into a bar?
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1975 that the price of a first-class stamp rises from 10 cents to 13 cents just before Christmas; grandma is livid.
WORD OF THE DAY
Contraband – [KAHN-truh-band] – noun
Definition: Goods or merchandise whose importation, exportation, or possession is forbidden.
Example: Remember when you used to go to live events and they would check you for contraband?
WIT OF THE DAY
“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.”
-Cheshire Cat
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Now it turns out that my phone call to the President of Ukraine, which many, including me, have called 'perfect,' was even better than that.”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Whatever
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com