The Morning Briefing - January 4, 2017

ELSEWHERE – United Van Lines is out with its latest out-migration study and no shocker: New Jersey and New York are tied at the top as the states with the most people fleeing. The reasons are obvious: Better jobs, cheaper cost of living, following family smart enough to flee earlier and merciful retirement. According to the 40th annual National Movers Study, South Dakota, Vermont and Oregon are the top places people are headed. Fine, but try to find a decent bagel in Pierre, Pittsford or Portland.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – It’s possible Jon Bramnick is joking, but probably not when it comes to saying he’s the first Republican to withdraw from this year’s gubernatorial race. Bramnick – an amateur stand-up comedian, dubbed New Jersey’s funniest lawyer – tells NJ.Com that running for governor is no laughing matter. So, the Assembly minority leader would rather focus on getting re-elected and helping other Republicans win seats in the Democrat-controlled Assembly. Bramnick says: “It looks like there's already plenty of competent people running for governor on the Republican side.” (That's probably just the punch line.)

EVESHAM TOWNSHIP – Watch out for a really hairy naked guy if you happen to be … well, anywhere in Burlington County. “Naked Guy” has popped up three times here in the past few weeks, recently near basketball courts in Evesham where he got out of his Jeep Cherokee to chase two teenage girls. WCAU-TV says police think the same “heavy-set man with an excessive amount of body hair” also made two appearances in Medford. Once, he displayed his hairy derrière as he bent over behind his SUV and the other time he just got out of his vehicle to stare at a household trashcan. Naked Guy, who sometimes wears only tennis shoes, is wanted for lewdness. And maybe some electrolysis.

IN SCHOOL – Kids are more gullible today than ever before. Apparently, most can’t tell fake news from the real deal. Many think “sponsored content” is actual news and they’re willing to believe almost anything that’s tweeted or posted on social media. These are the scary findings of a new Stanford University education study of 8,000 students from middle school to college. Researchers noted that our most “ill-informed generation” is ready to enter the workforce and vote. They described their own results as “bleak,” “disturbing,” and a “threat to democracy.” Young people, they found, don’t seem to understand why anyone would lie about stuff like, say, presidential candidates.

WEST LONG BRANCH – We know it is sacrilegious to say anything critical about Bruce Springsteen in New Jersey, and we humbly apologize, but we have to wonder why tickets aren’t free for the lucky few who get to attend “A Conversation with Bruce Springsteen" at Monmouth University on Jan. 10. (Tickets go on sale at noon today, and will be sold out at noon today.)  Springsteen had the top-grossing concert tour in 2016, at $268.3 million. Meanwhile, Monmouth University is getting a huge PR bump from this visit. So, c’mon, why charge the audience $75 a pop?

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

AKRON, Ohio – A local home sold for less than a candy bar, following a new state law governing public auctions. The Akron Beacon Journal reports that abandoned homes can be sold for less than two-thirds of their appraised value at public auctions, as a way to get them out of foreclosure. No one challenged Citizens Bank's winning bid of a dollar, making the bank the proud owner of a decrepit 92-year-old bungalow in the middle of Akron. Congrats on the victory.

And, for some reason, that blurb warrants a round of completely unnecessary jokes about Akron. Here we go:

Q. How did the boy from Akron die from drinking milk?

A. The cow fell on him. 

Q: What does the average student from Akron get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

Q: Why do people from Akron have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First. 

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

A not-so funny thing happened on this day in 1998 when “A Funny Thing Happened” closed at the St. James Theater in New York, after 715 performances.

WORD OF THE DAY

Oligopsony [ah-luh-GAHP-suh-nee] – noun

Definition: A situation in which a few exert a disproportionate influence on the market. 

Example: Why is it that liquor stores have such an oligopsony in New Jersey? Why can’t we just buy wine or beer in a supermarket, like anywhere else?

WEATHER IN A WORD

Warming