The Morning Briefing - July 26, 2016
PHILADELPHIA – While it can be plenty of fun to be a delegate to a national convention, Mother Nature made the Democrats earn it yesterday. Humidity, brutal sun, a crazy, wind-swept thunderstorm, maddening traffic, and then a sweaty, soaking arrival at the Wells Fargo Center, where the faithful were met with concession stands with 45-minute lines for a bottle of water and a $6.25 hot dog, without the bun, because, oops, they ran out. But then they got to hear from Sen. Al Franken, all was forgotten. Always good to have a comedian/senator to salvage a tired crowd.
PHILADELPHIA – Sen. Al Franken reminded the crowd he is the self-proclaimed “worldwide expert on right-wing Meglo-Maniacs,” with his degree in Meglo-Maniac studies from Trump University, which he funded by emptying his 401(k) and taking a reverse mortgage on his house. Franken said Trump U ranks Number Two nationally in its “School for Ripping People Off,” just behind Bernie Madoff University. Franken said he was proud to learn from such instructors as Scott Baio, Mike Tyson and a life-sized cardboard cutout of Trump, himself. The Minnesota senator noted you could easily find the full Trump library on a bookshelf of the third floor of Trump Tower, and buy Trump’s books at a special student rate – only 10 percent more than retail.
PHILADELPHIA – Man, we miss Cory Booker. He was great at grabbing the microphone during his days in Newark and making a booming speech with lofty goals, broad strokes and terrific hand gestures. He was at full octane last night, with another passionate speech with lofty goals, broad strokes and terrific hand gestures. Reminded us of his 2010 “We will Rise” State of the City Address in terms of performance and content. This time, he called, again, for us to “Rise Together,” sprinkling anti-Trump goodies like, “Love always trumps hate.” And he’s still inspiring for the masses in the crowd and throughout Twitter-land. (Did we mention the great hand gestures?)
PATERSON – The soaking never ceases in the Silk City. Mayor Joey Torres' hair-brained cost-cutting scheme to close two public pools and end 36 youth summer camps in mid-August got slammed by parents and City Council members as “unconscionable,” and using kids “as pawns.” Now, Torres admits he might be sparing the rec programs by cutting hours and staff, and making adults pay admission fees at the pools. Meanwhile, one developer pledged $40,000 to keep kids splashing and swimming, and he told the Paterson Press that local politicians “should hit up all the donors” they lean on to finance their campaigns. Councilman Andre Sayegh also started a GoFundMe page to match the developer's pledge. So far, it's raised less than $1,000. Let Cory Booker make the pitch.
IN THE MEDIA
PHILADELPHIA – Unclear who makes the Democratic National Convention's seating arrangements, but it appears the overflow of Bernie Sanders supporters was assigned to fill in the extra seats in the press section. To the left, a sweaty 19-year-old in flip-flops; to the right, an elderly woman who only seems able to say “Bernie! Bernie!” The theory was tested: “Excuse me, ma’am, can I pass?” Her response? “Bernie!” Or, “Ma’am, are you drinking from my water bottle?” “Bernie! Bernie!” If convention organizers want some pro-Hillary coverage on press row, how about throwing some supporters into the media section for tonight’s show. “Hillary! Hillary!”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
LAS VEGAS – A local judge is doing a robbery suspect a huge favor – ordering a cosmetologist to cover up his neck and facial tattoos that feature a swastika and the words "Most Wanted." The Las Vegas Review-Journal reports the jury won’t see all the crap inked onto this guy’s face and neck. No one will see the swastika inside a clover under his eye, or the words "Skin Head" on his eyebrows or "Baby Nazi" scrawled across his neck. The good news: once this white supremacist is convicted for this crime, or the next one to come, the make-up artist won’t be following him to jail, where Mongo don’t like Nazis.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
“Hwack!” was the quote of this day in 1981, when New York Mayor Ed Koch is given the Heimlich Maneuver in a Chinese restaurant.
WORD OF THE DAY
MacGuffin (muh-GUFF-in) – noun
Definition: An object, event, or character in a film or story that serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite usually lacking intrinsic importance.
Example: Plenty of MacGuffins in the early hours of last night’s speaker list to launch the Democratic convention.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Phew!