The Morning Briefing - July 25, 2016
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Republicans are snickering into their brandy snifters, as today's Democratic National Convention opens in Philadelphia with messy controversies. The Democrats just needed a polished and professional grand opening. Then came Debbie Wasserman Schultz announcing she'll resign as DNC chair right after the convention. It’s apparently over the release of 19,000 hacked emails, some showing the party tried to slay Bernie Sanders' campaign. And, as if Sanders' supporters weren't already so peeved, Bernie fanned the flames by slamming Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine as a disappointing vice presidential choice. Sanders and his sycophants prefer the more liberal, mouthier Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren. With 50,000 Democrats now swooping into the City of Brotherly Love, we can probably expect lots of posturing and jockeying, some fireworks, and even more drama. But, sadly, no Scott Baio.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Forget Chachi, Democrats have plenty of star power lined up to thrill all of the delegates, donors and party faithful in Philly. Today, activist-singer Alicia Keys joins a criminal justice reform panel and Variety says, at one point or another, ready to take the stage at the Wells Fargo Center are actresses Lena Dunham, Debra Messing, America Ferrera and Chloe Grace Moritz, along with TV personality Star Jones, and Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston. Actress Eva Longoria and recording artists Janelle Monae, Katy Perry and Demi Lovato could also make cameos. The convention's top producer says, compared to the last week's Republican show, the Democratic event is positively star-studded: “Coming after Chachi and Duck Dynasty, I think there is a tremendous margin for growth.”
EAST RUTHERFORD – Saying “Sweet Child O' Mine” wouldn't be the best alibi for anyone swept up in a dozen prostitution arrests during this weekend's two-night Guns N' Roses reunion at MetLife Stadium. Solicitation charges topped the charts for State Police busts, which netted everything from one measly pot bust to a few assaults. Overall, there were few problems considering that capacity crowds came to see singer Axl Rose, guitarist Slash and bassist Duff McKagan together again on stage. Opening for Guns N' Roses was rocker Lenny Kravitz, who now heads to Camden's BB&T Pavilion where he and DJ Jazzy Jeff will perform with Lady Gaga Thursday night, energizing delegates and supporters just hours before Hillary Clinton accepts the Democratic presidential nomination.
SEASIDE HEIGHTS – Lifeguards and beach attendants are now enforcing a strict ban on boom boxes and other gizmos that create a racket. Officials in this party-hardy Jersey Shore town want their beaches to be quieter, so the “Jersey Shore” types can quietly sunbathe and nurse their Jell-O shot hangovers. The town has imposed this new 60-day experimental ban, relying on their seasonal workers to make violators comply, NJ.com says. Expect heated run-ins with sun-roasted, spiky-haired, half-drunk day-trippers who want to wheel SUV-sized speakers onto the sand. Maybe the borough can cough up some hazardous duty pay? Or, at least arm their rent-a-cops with Super Soakers.
DOWN THE SHORE – The 10 plagues meet the Jersey Shore. So far, beach-goers have seen plagues this summer of clinging jellyfish, circling sharks, schools of stingrays and plankton that turned ocean waters a strange turquoise. Now, landlubbers are running from horny, timber rattlesnakes in the nearby Ocean County town of Manchester. State wildlife experts say these ordinarily timid rattlesnakes are in mating season and see people as predators (um … based on their extensive snake interviews?) They will strike venomously if spooked. So, what's next at the shore, Godzilla? Or even worse, Snooki??
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
IN THE MEDICINE CABINET – Some arousing news: a daily dose of Viagra may also ease back pain. Researchers in Malatya, Turkey say the wonder drug seems a promising treatment for “sciatica,” lower back and leg pain caused by nerve pressure. Viagra apparently helps heal nerve damage by boosting blood supplies to the affected areas, not just the one, er, affected area. Scientists from “the land of dried apricots” reached their hard conclusions after dosing 30 rats (who had apparently whined about back pains) for a month, the London-based Sun reports. Warning: Anyone who uses Viagra for back pain relief, but ends up, er, at attention for more than six hours should seek immediate medical attention.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1983 that the first non-human primate baboon was conceived in a lab dish in San Antonio.
WORD OF THE DAY
Vatic (VAT-ik) - adjective
Definition: prophetic
Example: When Bernie Sanders takes center stage tonight, will he outline a vatic and ecstatic vision of America, where no one ever needs to pay for anything?
WEATHER IN A WORD
Swampy.