The Jaffe Briefing - July 14, 2022

NOT NJ – Gov. Phil Murphy is borrowing a page from the Chris Christie playbook, taking on a national position to build his brand. On Friday, Murphy will become chair of the National Governors Association (NGA), eight years after Christie was named chair of the Republican Governors Association. Fresh from his vacation in Italy, Murphy is already in Portland, Maine for NGA meetings, as he prepares to take over an organization linking the country’s 55 state and territorial governors. Murphy is vowing to be an active chair, doing a lot of bi-partisan stuff. It is a great national perch, in which the governor can travel nationally to promote New Jersey, or national Democratic candidates or himself under some quasi-official capacity.  Just like we were critical of Christie taking on this self-serving role as an aspiring U.S. president, we say the same of Murphy. Run for president or serve the people of New Jersey. Don’t do both.

TEWSKBURY – How hard could it be to get a massage therapy license in New Jersey? Apparently, it’s so tough to navigate the “curriculum” that a local man created a fake business selling training certificates to prostitutes working in New Jersey massage parlors. The 68-year-old man has been hit with 33 months in a federal prison, after admitting that he operated the lofty “Axiom Healthcare Academy in North Bergen” that allegedly provided massage therapy classes, Gannett reports. For a “tuition” of $1,000 to $2,600, anyone could get a massage license, for whatever reason. (Fill in the blanks here, folks.)  The guy even provided course listings and grades to the New Jersey Board of Nursing. Moreover, he gave 10 bogus certificates and transcripts to a former Westwood councilman, who handed them out like candy to hookers working in massage parlors in Middlesex, Union, Passaic and Hudson counties. And now for the layup last line: Glad this story has a happy ending.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.

NEWARK – Airfare is soaring in the friendly skies, as service gets crappier. The airlines have their reasons, such as high fuel costs, staffing issues and enormous demand. So, we apparently need to pity the airlines as we pay dearly for an “economy” middle seat, squeezing next to a guy named “Jumbo” for five hours of egg salad sandwiches. But it is earnings season, so we get to see how the poor airlines are faring. Delta, for one, is reporting $735 million in profits for the second quarter, citing the high fuel costs and 4,000 canceled flights as reasons why the airline didn’t earn considerably more. Look, airlines should make their money; they are for-profit private enterprises. But they need to treat passengers like cherished customers, not third-rate cattle. That obvious fact is not being figured into the calculus, as the bean counters find even more ways to squeeze profits for the third quarter. Two less pretzels per bag.

ATLANTIC CITY – Yet further drama with “Jersey Shore 2.0,” as filming is “paused” on the latest reboot of one of the dumbest reality series ever created, maligning our state with every inane comment. MTV says production in Atlantic City won’t be happening at the moment, to the relief of the original cast of “Jersey Shore,” clearly annoyed that their enormous talent was not retained to squeeze the same juice, again. The hope was to get a younger, cheaper cast to live in Atlantic City and create the same “excitement” as the original cast created in Seaside Heights. Snooki, for one, was upset, telling NJ.com that “we gave our all for 13 years” and helped out a network in need. But the fact that the cast is now in its 30s, with kids and “celebrity status,” it seemed obvious to finally move beyond Pauly, JWoww and the gang.  Time for someone else to fist-pump. But, please, can’t the show move elsewhere?

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

CRESTVIEW, Fla. – Call it a low-speed police chase that still made national news. And how? Florida deputies decided to use a taser to stop a man who tried to avoid arrest by “speeding away” on his ride-on lawn mower on Saturday. Okaloosa County police were trying to serve arrest warrants on the 40-year-old man, finding him on his mower in a backyard. They shouted at him to stop and get on the ground when he tried to drive away.  Deputies chased him on foot – likely by walking briskly – before getting annoyed and just using the taser to end the whole embarrassing scene. Deputies found him with a revolver, a handcuff key and a pipe with methamphetamine residue, all obvious tools to mow the backyard.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1988 that WYHY radio offered $1 million to anyone who could prove Elvis was still alive.

WORD OF THE DAY

Reify – [ˈrēəˌfī/] – verb

Definition: Make (something abstract) more concrete or real

Example: My math teacher desperately tried to reify basic algebra concepts, with tremendous failure.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.”

- Ricky Bobby

BIDEN BLURB

“No parent should have to sit outside a fast food restaurant to use the internet so that their child can do their homework.”

-Joe Biden 

WEATHER IN A WORD

Same