The Jaffe Briefing - May 11, 2022
TRENTON – Tampons required in boys’ bathrooms in school? That was the big question at the Statehouse yesterday, as a well-intentioned proposed bill would require some public schools to provide free tampons in all bathrooms, regardless of gender, in grades 6-12. The law is designed so that students would not need to take an embarrassing trip to the nurse’s office or find change for a vending machine. But, NJ.com reports, some Republican skeptics are asking why the menstrual products need to be in all bathrooms, especially as some teen-aged boys would certainly use the tampons to jam the toilets or throw them at girls, as their idiot friends egg them on. State Sen. Michael Doherty, a fringe Republican likely reading talking points from a Fox News briefing, called the measure “the craziest bill I have ever seen,” suggesting it’s part of a “full-fledged assault on families” and “people of faith” in the state. He called for the law to be changed so tampons would just be in girls’ bathrooms. No dice, by a 3-2 vote down party lines.
TRENTON – There’s no question that New Jersey’s Prohibition-era liquor laws need an upgrade. In an era when recreational cannabis is suddenly legal and surrounding states are updating their liquor laws to support homegrown booze businesses, it is now New Jersey’s turn. There are a lot of factions, arguing lots of things. But there are some obvious updates required, such as finally allowing supermarkets to sell beer and wine and permitting restaurants to pour spirits from local distilleries to expand their market. The elephant in the room is the traditional liquor license; businesses have spent upwards of $1 million for the privilege of serving the thirsty masses. Their concerns need to be addressed as part of reform, of course. But the liquor license shouldn’t be a universal roadblock for the state’s growing craft beer businesses, wineries and distilleries to expand to new venues in the state.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The King of Hearts is the only king in a deck of cards without a mustache.
STATEWIDE – If you look practically anywhere in New Jersey, someone is busy constructing high-density affordable housing. And there’s likely someone nearby grousing about how all this state-mandated construction is excessive and destroying the bucolic landscape. But the Record reports the state is nowhere near providing the amount of affordable housing that is desperately required. A surprising stat: For every 100 poor families in the Garden State, there are only 31 affordable and available rentals — less than the national average and among the worst ratios in the Northeast, tied only with Delaware. And the problem is nationwide, with the U.S. needing 7 million more affordable units, and the issue prevalent in every single county in the nation. Again, we had no idea.
TRENTON – Need a hitman? Come to Jersey. A 58-year-old Indiana man will be spending upwards of 18 years in jail, after trying to hire a Jersey guy to kill his ex-wife. NJ.com reports the man and his girlfriend met with a purported hitman at a New Jersey mall in 2018. But “Manny the Hitman” happened to be an undercover cop, who shared with fellow authorities that the defendant wanted his ex-beau dead so he could get the kids and stop paying child support. Manny was charging between $5,000-$10,000 to do the deed (depending on the complexity of things), and accepted photos of the ex-wife, her home address, her work schedule and the layout of the interior of her house. Pretty chilling stuff. The guy’s girlfriend already admitted guilt and was sentenced to five years in jail. Kudos to Manny.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
LYON, FRANCE – A big stink was made when Brazilian defender Marcelo was unceremoniously cut from his French Ligue soccer team last year, but only now are we getting wind that it was because he wouldn’t stop farting near the team’s director and manager. ESPN reports that everyone was aghast (or, a-gas) when the team sent him packing for “inappropriate behavior” last August. Maybe this doesn’t pass the sniff test for Lyon fans, but he was also apparently caught laughing when the team captain was delivering a rousing rally speech. Sick of the flatulating footballer, the team terminated Marcelo’s contract at the end of January and he then joined Bordeaux. To be fair: In a sport where kicking the ball with authority is a great talent, isn’t it possible he simply misunderstood when his coach told him to rip one?
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was a huge day to sell art on this day in 2015: Pablo Picasso’s painting “Women of Algiers Version O” sold for $160 million while Alberto Giacometti’s sculpture “Pointing Man” went for $141 million.
WORD OF THE DAY
Conclave – [KAHN-klayv] – noun
Definition: A private meeting, a secret assembly, or a general gathering.
Example: The Mets had a five-minute conclave on the mound, so I went out for a $13 beer.
WIT OF THE DAY
“I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.”
-Molly Ivins
BIDEN BLURB
“I'm really excited to be here tonight with the only group of Americans with a lower approval rating than I have.”
-Joe Biden, to the media
WEATHER IN A WORD
Pleasant