The Jaffe Briefing - May 9, 2022

NEWARK – Politicians in the Brick City pay little, if no, attention, to what people in Sussex County think – until someone dares cast shade. And that someone happens to be an itty-bitty councilman from Hopatcong, claiming the state’s school funding formula is “raping” his suburban Sussex County school district while sending more money to help “urban crack heads.” He’s even circulating a petition, saying he is “mad as hell” about $8 million in cuts. Oh, boy. Word of his petition traveled all the way to Broad and Market, with three proud Newark women – Senate Majority Leader Teresa Ruiz and Assembly members Eliana Pintor Marin and Shanique Speight – dashing off a statement to Politico. It reads: “The seriousness of the term rape should not be used so recklessly. It diminishes the severity of such an act. Furthermore, we are well aware that the term 'crackheads' is just a loud dog whistle. The current school funding formula provides every student the same funding per their classification regardless of school district.” Congrats on their restraint.

TOMS RIVER – Only in New Jersey.  Only in New Jersey can you be convicted of tax and loan fraud and sentenced to jail for a year, and then still pursue a prominent career in politics. The Lakewood Scoop reports that George Gilmore, 72, the once, all-powerful Ocean County GOP chair who was pardoned by President Trump on his last day in office, is planning a stunning comeback, with an announcement possibly planned for today.  Expect no comment about the expert psychiatric testimony supporting Gilmore’s claim that a “hoarding” disorder made him spend lavishly on personal expenses rather than pay the IRS. The new focus would be on Gilmore going head-to-head against the Ocean County sheriff for the powerful position. So, if it shakes this way, consider it law against disorder.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Alaska is the only state whose name is on one row on a keyboard

CLIFTON – The hot dog wars appear fiercer than ever, as the owner of a new hot dog stand claimed a rival drove a van into his business, destroying everything inside. The owner of “The Original Jumbo’s” claims he has been threatened by those who believe they have the rights to the name, logo and photos from an operation at that same place in the early 1970s. NJ.com is all over this story, hold the onions, reporting that the current owner believes his business was intentionally targeted, but cops are dismissing it as a freak accident. But then a family member of the former owner tells NJ.com “that’s what happens when you disrespect the elders of ... the rightful founders and originators of ’Jumbo’s Italian Ices and Hot Dogs.’” The site had been empty for decades, until the new guy opened up shop under “The Original Jumbo’s,” last month, even daring to feature a photo of the original Jumbo. Another perfectly vague quote from an original family member: “Powers that be somehow stopped him from doing what he’s doing.”

BEDMINSTER – Having a former president in our midst is not cheap. And NJ.com has done a great job tracking what it costs taxpayers whenever Donald Trump decides to swing by his golf club in Somerset County. Last year, that cost was $653,836, with more than half the sum funding hotel rooms in the area for Secret Service.  Of course, Trump’s club had to make some cash here, too, as the facility continually benefits from having a former president at the helm. The total tab from the club last year was nearly $75,000, as Trump still finds ways to monetize the presidency, even now. But things are much better now, as the Secret Service was forced to pay the club $2.4 million during Trump’s term for travel, rental cars, hotel rooms, golf carts and even portable toilets – all at a healthy mark-up, of course.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BERLIN – When education is on the line, call your local firefighter. Some very embarrassed high school teachers were forced to call in the fire department last week, after they were unable to open a safe containing the final exam that students were ready to take. The lock had been jammed – perhaps by some German kid who didn’t exactly study for the big trig final – and firefighters had no choice but to saw through the safe to free the exam.  Meanwhile, as all this drama was unfolding, the students were sitting nervously in their rows, tapping their pencils, having no idea what was happening, as the delay reached an hour. Then, a loud cheer erupted from the staff room when the exam was extracted, unscathed.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It may have been a good time to change your ATM password of “ABC123” on this day in 2013, when hackers used bogus ATM cards to steal $45 million.

WORD OF THE DAY

Bloviate – [ˈblōvēˌāt/] – verb

Definition: Talk at length, especially in an inflated or empty way.

Example: Did anyone bloviate at your Mother’s Day brunch?

WIT OF THE DAY

“Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.”

-Dave Barry

BIDEN BLURB

“I've always believed that good journalism holds up a mirror to ourselves, to reflect on the good, the bad and the true.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Dry