The Jaffe Briefing - January 21, 2022
TRENTON – Calm minds may try to keep it all in perspective, others may howl from the rooftops about a toxic chemical detected in South Jersey’s drinking supply. New Jersey American Water discovered “1,4-Dioxane,” a byproduct of plastic manufacturing that is considered a likely carcinogen, New Jersey Monitor reports. The chemical was found in early 2020 (uh, two years ago) in the Delaware River, near the company’s treatment plant that serves hundreds of thousands of customers in Burlington, Camden, Gloucester and Salem counties, as well as 13 million people along the East Coast. The current result: No idea how the chemical got there. And a big, fat question about why no government regulators detected it. State officials response: It appears those high levels did not “pose any immediate health risk.” So, hey, let’s all whistle and move on.
STATEWIDE – Is stealing an Amazon box of soap, Brillo pads and a toilet brush worth up to five years in jail? It seems so, as Gov. Phil Murphy is cracking down on all those “porch pirates” who risk everything to steal concealed boxes from your house. There’s now the “Defense Against Porch Pirates Act,” establishing a third-degree crime for stealing stuff worth less than $75,000. As it seems everyone has a camera connected to their doorbell, thieves need to find a new outlet for crime. Or, hey, sounds crazy, but how about just getting jobs?
TRENTON – When you think of Gov. Phil Murphy, you think of a super-progressive Democrat who considers visiting a wind farm as the ideal vacation. But, environmentalists say our green governor is not as green as necessary. In fact, they are even going to court to demand Murphy do more to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and fight climate change. Again, surprising stuff here, as most assume the governor is leading the charge. Yet, EmpowerNJ, a coalition of more than 120 groups, filed a suit demanding the state adopt specific standards to cut emissions 50% by 2030. Murphy signed an executive order in November to do just that, but there are no enforceable rules in place. The coalition argues a great point: It’s perfectly fine for a politician to promise. But, in this critical case, things actually need to happen.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The Cookie Monster has a real name.
(Sid)
TRENTON – For those keeping track of the state’s finances, it’s all looking pretty good – at the moment. For a state that is perennially broke, it’s amazing to write that sales and income taxes are on pace to beat projected year-end targets. Wow. NJ Spotlight reports tons of people are paying taxes and collections are up by more than 20% year-over-year as of the end of December. Again, wow. But, as this is New Jersey, there are always concerns looming around the corner. Treasury officials are bracing for a big slowdown in the upcoming months, following recently-enacted tax cuts and deep concerns about the economy dragging into a bear market. But, hey, let’s enjoy this rare moment. Aaaah…
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
TULUM, Mexico – The big question remains: What to do with the “cocaine” hippos? Amongst his many riches from international drug dealing, the late Pablo Escobar enjoyed a private zoo on his estate. NPR says it was a wonderful place for drug lords, assassins and their mistresses in the cartel to enjoy zebras, giraffes, flamingoes - and even four “cocaine” hippos, nicknamed because they were illegally imported. But, as NPR reports, after Escobar was slain in a bloody shootout in 1993, most of the animals were relocated - except the cocaine hippos. Mexican authorities thought they would just wither and die in the strange climate. Rather, they multiplied; more than 100 now roam the estate. Some conservationists say they are an invasive species and finally need to go. Others like them. Even others marvel at what an odd legacy this infamous narcoterrorist left the community, following his demise.
WASHINGTON – The House committee investigating the U.S. Capitol insurrection now wants to talk to Ivanka Trump. Let’s just assume the committee is eager to learn about her new, fascinating clothing line, how she navigates business and family with such grace and how she can maintain such perfect beauty at all times, as well as navigate billions in pure profit, as she remains the ideal American woman in each and every way possible. They may also want to hear what she said to her father on Jan. 6, as he was deliberately sitting on his hands and enjoying the carnage on TV. But mostly assume the inquiry is related to the latest spring fashion. Perhaps “canary yellow” is trending.
WORD OF THE DAY
Non Sequitur – [NAHN-SEK-wuh-ter] – noun
Definition: A statement that either does not logically follow from or is not clearly related to what was previously said.
Example: Aunt Myra’s favorite non sequitur food review: “I had eggplant at the local Italian restaurant and it was disgusting. All eggplant is soggy and bitter.”
WIT OF THE DAY
"I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House—with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
-John F. Kennedy
BIDEN BLURB
“The White House isn't the place to learn how to deal with international crisis, the balance of power, war and peace, and the economic future of the next generation.”
- Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Chilly