The Jaffe Briefing - October 25, 2021
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – With President Obama in Newark on Friday and President Biden in the Meadowlands today, what gives? Well, it must be the height of election season and the national Democratic royalty is looking for any reason whatsoever to drop in on New Jersey and smile for cameras with Gov. Phil Murphy. Biden will be here today to mark the strategically-timed beginning of construction of a new Portal Bridge. Democrats are eager to show America’s political elite is in love with Murphy, while the Republicans are quick to say the sitting governor is obviously desperate and needs all these other Democrats to find him a vote, as he limps, battered, toward the finish line. Politico notes there is no current poll that says really anything, with hopes that Monmouth University pollsters provide clarity this week.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – When Murphy mapped out this whole governor thing, he devised the perfect goodies to sell the middle-class. There’s the $15 minimum wage, the free community college, paid sick leave and a chicken for every pot. So, why is there not a Murphy sign on every New Jersey lawn? Sure, Murphy is heavily favored for a second term; his entire time in office is a grand push toward Democrat-friendly progressive policies in New Jersey after eight years of Chris Christie. Yes, we are a Blue state. Yes, there are a lot of bleeding liberals. Yes, there’s a lot of need. And Murphy has worked right out of the playbook of fighting guns, jacking taxes on the rich and expanding voting rights. But New Jersey is a fickle place, and there’s never a roadmap to an easy vote here.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – The newspaper endorsements don’t really seem to be helping anyone, as Murphy and his challenger Jack Ciattarelli are finding little flash they can use for the last-minute political mailers. The Jersey Journal suggests its readers just not vote for anyone, saying “(Murphy) will almost certainly win a second term in Drumthwacket, but we don’t have to help.” The Star-Ledger editorial board – known for its strong liberal leanings – surprisingly doesn’t help the Democrat either, saying “this is a reluctant endorsement, an acknowledgement that Murphy is the best candidate on the ballot, nothing more.” Ouch.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The United States Navy uses Xbox controllers for its periscopes.
LAKEWOOD – It’s amusing to imagine a bunch of off-duty sanitation workers feverishly scouring the Ocean County dump over the weekend for a Lakewood man’s threadbare coat. This forgetful fellow tossed his old coat in the garbage with no thought about the $25,000 he’d hidden in a pocket for … um, safe keeping. The Lakewood Scoop says this panicky person phoned town officials for help after realizing his cash got hauled off with his trash last week. Sadly, he was told chances of finding his pocket money “were slim.” Optimistically, he hopes nice public works employees will find his coat and return every dollar. He didn’t offer any cash such efforts, so we assume their kindness would be its own reward?
LAKEWOOD – Yes, we all know there is a school bus driver shortage, and we should all thank our lucky stars when the bus actually shows up. But shouldn’t we expect some basic stuff here, like the bus won’t jump a curb or take out a Tesla? Lakewood may be setting worldwide records for school bus accidents this school year, Patch reports, noting there have been at least five crashes since the middle of September. Just on Thursday, there were two accidents. It has gotten to the point where the cops are promoting an email account to report the latest fender-bender:
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
COLUMBUS, Ohio – It was the “Wright” plan to honor the Wright Brothers, but state officials are on the wrong side of history with the new license plate honoring the historic first flight. The plate does a terrific job illustrating the rays of sunlight beaming into the sky, marking the “Birthplace of Aviation.” But this license plate sputters, free falls and crash lands in a smoldering heap. Why? Because historians were quick to note the banner should have been trailing the plane. Instead, for some reason, it was attached to the front. The license plates will now be corrected because they are just not Wright.
WORD OF THE DAY
Prestidigitation – [pres-ti-dij-i-tey-shuhn] – noun
Definition: Sleight of hand
Example: Women dig prestidigitation skills and other bar tricks.
WIT OF THE DAY
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.”
—Stephen Colbert
BIDEN BLURB
“Full disclosure: I do not have absolute faith in the judgment and wisdom of the American people.”
– Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Blech