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The Jaffe Briefing - October 22, 2021

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – New Jersey is making history tomorrow. Now that we have your undivided attention, we may have over-hyped. But still, tomorrow is the very first day of “early voting” in the state, for the first time ever. And what does that mean? There will be centralized polling locations for nine consecutive days all over for those who can’t wait a second longer to cast their ballots in person. So now there are three ways for you to vote: mail, early voting and on Election Day, Nov. 2. Itching to vote now? Call your county election board for a convenient location.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – A lot has been said about Jack Ciattarelli’s plans to address taxes in New Jersey. His plan is great if you happen to be like most of us and live in the leafy suburbs. But in New Jersey’s cities, with all those darn Democrats? Not so much. He is calling for a “flatter, more equitable” distribution of school aid, with more aid to suburban, shore, and rural districts. Again, great stuff there… for some. But it siphons aid from communities with poorer students, especially in cities of color where every nickel matters. Ciattarelli positions it differently, to his credit, saying it is wrong that the owner of a million-dollar home in Jersey City is paying less in property taxes than someone who owns a $400,000 home elsewhere. That’s true, but the concern should not be the millionaire on the gold coast of Jersey City.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – With just a couple of weeks until Election Day, it takes something truly special to get the gubernatorial candidates to agree on anything. Enter Donald Trump, and his asinine criticism of the late Colin Powell, an American hero who died on Monday. Trump seems to love when prominent people die, as he gets to earn easy headlines by disparaging them. Luckily, GOP challenge Jack Ciattarelli expressed the correct amount of defense, saying Powell was a “trailblazing statesman” who certainly doesn’t deserve “petty insults.” And Gov. Phil Murphy went in for the easy layup, saying Trump’s dumb quotes are “among the worst and most despicable things he’s ever said, which is saying something.”

BRIEFING BREATHER

Horses can’t vomit.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Now’s the time to get your very own “Jack for Governor” yarmulka, as Ciattarelli is squarely focused on Lakewood, perhaps enjoying something with a schmear. That’s because Lakewood has a huge Orthodox Jewish community, which tends to vote Republican. InsiderNJ notes that Trump got 30,000 votes here last year, compared to Joe Biden’s 6,300. With so many red votes for the taking, the GOP challenger was at the Bagel Nosh on Clifton Avenue yesterday, oddly eating a donut, rather than a bagel. (We can analyze that more later.) But he was in friendly territory, with many selfies, etc. Perhaps, just for the moment, locals are urged to vote for Jack Ciattarellistein.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BUNN, N.C. – Bunn High School should adopt the “buzzard” as the school mascot, because these birds aren’t going anywhere. This town is inundated with buzzards and there is nothing the locals can do about it. The buzzards have chosen Bunn as a meeting place for the past year, and they’re everywhere, reports The News & Observer. On Wednesday, a reporter noted 28 buzzards perched on a cellular tower and another 21 at the high school across the street. Meanwhile, a local resident counted 58 buzzards in her yard, on the roof, along the fence and atop the garage, pecking at every damn thing. Townsfolk are getting desperate. Bunn High School fired a propane cannon day and night. That worked for a while. But the scavengers returned. Then the school hung vulture effigies around its rooftop. The buzzards scoffed. Federal and state law outlaws hurting or harassing these birds. And that law needs to change, at least in Bunn, where the rifles are cocked.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1981 that the U.S. debt exceeds $1 trillion. How cute.

(Current debt: $28.9 trillion, or $87,000 per every American.)

WORD OF THE DAY

Zaftig – [ZAHF-tig] – adjective

Definition: Pleasingly plump. (It comes from Yiddish zaftik, which means "juicy" or "succulent" and itself derives from zaft, meaning "juice" or "sap."

Example: Harold slept on the couch for two weeks after informing his wife that he has always appreciated that curvy shape of a “zaftig woman.”

WIT OF THE DAY

“Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.”

-John F. Kennedy

BIDEN BLURB

“I consider myself to be as informed on American foreign policy as anyone in America.”

– Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Delightful