The Jaffe Briefing - September 13, 2021

STATEWIDE – Want a no-win situation? Start debating public education during a pandemic. The kiddies are all back at school. But what’s going on, NJ.com asks? School districts are at full capacity. Masks are required. School employees are vaccinated or routinely tested. And there’s no at-home option. So, as Gov. Phil Murphy navigates this minefield while trying to win the hearts of voters, parents, educators and others are questioning this effort at normalcy. On one side, you have people, like us, who say remote learning was an absolute failure. The other side has people, also like us, who question how the heck you can have in-person school, as pediatric hospitalizations are on the rise with all these unvaccinated kiddies, as we careen toward winter. Are kids safe? Are they not? Is education in peril? Is it not? Is the current “solution” the right one? Is anything better? Like everyone else, we don’t know. But we relish a good argument.

STATEWIDE – If you’re one of those fresh-faced young couples looking for a cute, little starter home in northern New Jersey, well, good luck. The Record reports that our unaffordable state is getting a wee bit more unaffordable in this pandemic. Average for-sale home prices have climbed by more than $80,000 in recent months. Meanwhile, on Zillow.com, there are just 37 single-family homes under $350,000 listed throughout Bergen County, with most either tear-downs or requiring extensive renovations way beyond a Pottery Barn run. So, hey, why not rent? Ha. With rental prices climbing and climbing in New Jersey, you would need to earn around $31 an hour, which bounces out teacher assistants, nursing assistants, janitors, etc. And, if you happen to have a minimum wage gig, you’ll be working 107 hours a week just to pay the rent in Bergen County. Let’s see if this glaring issue becomes a slight blip in the governor’s race.

TOMS RIVER – Can a K-9 dog get an unemployment check? Let’s assume “no.” But NBC-4 is reporting that dogs specifically trained to sniff out marijuana may be getting the axe. On the chopping block, for example, is “Stosh,” one of four K-9s in the Ocean County Sheriff’s Office who was officially “retired” because of a lack of work, following the legalization of the drug. Just in the last two months, the state has expunged 362,000 low-level marijuana cases, NJ.com reports. Cops are no longer doing vehicle stops for probable cause. So it doesn’t make a lot of sense to spend $10,000 or so to buy, train and feed a K-9, as well as pay a police officer to be the dog’s handler for most of the year. And, thus, say goodbye to Stosh, now sniffing out another line of work.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The term “winning something hands down” came from horse racing. A jockey who is far enough ahead can slacken the reins and keep his hands down.

STATEWIDE – If you are one of the many New Jerseyans currently without a car, and perhaps lucky enough to be borrowing your mother’s 2013 Hyundai in the wake of this crazy Sept. 1 storm that sent vehicles floating with the current, AAA is making some polite suggestions. How about some basic planning? As this unpredictable weather will not be getting any better, AAA recommends you figure out a contingency plan sprinkled with plenty of common sense. For example, don’t park your car in a low-lying area. Rather, eyeball some nice, high property, such as a mall parking lot or street that is on higher ground. Or, drop a couple of bucks and stick the car in a parking garage. And for those homeowners with a garage, AAA suggests to park your car in there and line the entrance with sandbags. Oh, and, don’t drive your car through floods. Trust us, it doesn’t work.

IN THE MEDIA

STATEWIDE – There's a lot of chatter about how news reporters will one day be replaced with computers, which could somehow cover public meetings, write breaking news and even put together obituaries. Well, here is an obit, courtesy of a computer, featuring plenty of kinks. Feel free to decide the value of professional news gatherers.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. – Maybe he didn’t notice the lights were turned off, the jukebox was silent, there was no bartender and there were no other customers sitting at the bar. A local man still bellied up and helped himself to a frosty beverage. And he is now facing burglary charges for boozing in a closed bar, by himself, after closing time. He was arrested about 5:30 a.m. on Friday, The Argus Leader reports, as the burglar alarm tipped off cops that someone was wandering around in there, perhaps looking for a bowl of pretzels. The big question: With no signs of forced entry, how did this guy get into the bar? He may argue that he thought Happy Hour was scheduled for 5:30 a.m.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1993 that Queens, NY proved itself a pioneer again, requiring mandatory recycling.

WORD OF THE DAY

Fulminate – [FULL-muh-nayt] - verb

Definition: To send forth harsh criticisms or insults

Example: There’s plenty of fulminating, already, about the Jets.

WIT OF THE DAY

“We don’t have time to sit on our hands as our planet burns. For young people, climate change is bigger than election or re-election. It’s life or death.”

-Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

BIDEN BLURB

“Climate change is the existential threat to humanity. Unchecked, it is going to actually bake this planet.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Summery