The Jaffe Briefing - August 23, 2021

HACKENSACK – Crying over spilled marinara sauce? That’s the case for an Englewood woman who is suing Brooklyn’s Brick Oven Pizzeria in Hackensack. She says she dropped the cup of sauce all over her jeans in May 2017 while driving home from the pizzeria, armed with a pizza and mozzarella sticks. She suffered second-degree burns and a permanent scar, the Record reports. She sued the restaurant, of course, arguing a subsequent investigation shows a sample cup of sauce hit 178.8 degrees. An appellate court has ruled her case can continue, despite the fact that she threw out the clothes she was wearing, photos of the burns and even the marinara sauce container, which seems the lynchpin of this whole crazy case. But the scar, obviously, remains.

STATEWIDE – New Jersey sure loves its rules. Now, there are even more of them about tax-generating, personal-use cannabis. New Jerseyans will be able to buy cannabis in many forms, like flowers, vapes, lozenges and syrups. But don’t expect to get baked with pot brownies, cookies or any other baked goods that seem especially enticing to kids. It’s all spelled out in a 160-page rulebook with a heap of regulations to ensure edibles are properly packaged and clearly marked so – no! – they won’t show up at some five-year-old’s birthday party. Meanwhile, legal cannabis won’t be as widespread as many thought, despite overwhelming voter support last fall. At least 280 local governments (about half in the state) passed ordinances to ban cannabis sales or say they are so inclined, NJ.com reports. Great news for cannabis companies that provide home deliveries. That’s also permitted in the 160 pages.

STATEWIDE – Every year, our congressional members’ net worth becomes big news. It is really any of our business? Guess so, as these ladies and gentlemen made deals with the devil to live in a fish bowl. So, if it matters, NJ.com reports that only six of our 14 delegates claim to be millionaires. We would have thought more because, well, they all figured out how to get elected to Congress. Both Rep. Tom Malinowski and Rep. Frank Pallone say they are worth $1 million; Rep. Mikie Sherill and Rep. Donald Norcross are at $1.3 million; Rep. Bill Pascrell is at $2.8 million and the guy who should pick up everyone else's bar tabs is Rep. Josh Gottheimer, worth a cool $8.8 million. Of interest, Rep, Bonnie Watson Coleman says she has no assets whatsoever. Hmm? Again, this is all self-reported; we are suspecting the numbers to be a wee bit, dare we say, conservative.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Taco Bell was named after its owner, Glen Bell.

JERSEY CITY – If your neighbor’s backyard sounds like it’s a barnyard, it probably is. And that’s what authorities found hidden behind a tall wooden fence at a Van Horne Street rental house. The Jersey Journal says they rescued seven scrawny goats, 10 caged pigeons, a duck, rooster and a box turtle. Tenants were also keeping a rotting pile of dead animal carcasses, with their throats slit in apparent ritual sacrifices by followers of Santeria, an Afro-Caribbean belief. Nobody is under arrest just yet; this investigation is far, far from over. Troubled neighbors tipped off police and health officials to the noisy menagerie after they kept hearing bleating, crowing and quacking from behind the backyard’s stockade fence. Yes, somehow in Jersey City.

STATEWIDE – Hard to believe those plastic license plate frames are a big priority for any New Jersey lawmaker. Yet Assemblyman Ron Dancer has had those flimsy frames that car dealerships use as advertising giveaways on his agenda. He tells NJ.com that a recent state Supreme Court ruling may help advance his very important bill, easing those crazy restrictions allowing cops to ticket drivers with frames that obscure anything etched on the plates. Dancer says his landmark legislation would “prevent thousands of drivers from being pulled over for minor license plate frame violations,” adding they “should not have to spend time and money” in municipal courts.

IN THE MEDIA

CENTRAL JERSEY - Newspaper fatcat Gannett has been killing local journalism with its blinding cost-cutting for decades. That’s why it’s great to see the remaining news staff at the Asbury Park Press, Courier News and Home News Tribune take a stand. Thirty-one staff members, many of whom fondly recall newsrooms abuzz with hundreds of journalists who are immensely proud of the daily product, are unionizing. Descriptions of Gannett’s layoffs, buyouts and furloughs sound like something straight out of “The Hunger Games.” According to the APP-MCJ Guild, “journalists who have survived these cuts often receive wages and benefits from Gannett that are not enough to make ends meet in one of the most expensive areas in the country, forcing talent young and old to other outlets or out of journalism entirely.” New Jersey Globe says Gannett refuses to recognize the other unions formed by its ticked-off New Jersey employees, forcing them to hold a vote supervised by the National Labor Relations Board. Here’s hoping for plenty more ink about this scrappy union.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

HENDERSON, Ky. – This racehorse is called “Bold and Bossy.” And one of the reasons this 2-year-old filly has the name is that she somehow got loose from the racetrack in Kentucky and galloped onto the highway, alongside cars with surprised motorists. Bold and Bossy took off on her way to the starting gate at Ellis Park, throwing off her jockey. She then ran off the track and over a levee heading to U.S. 41, as she sprinted down Interstate 69, with a posse of frantic trainers chasing her in vehicles. Bold and Bossy lost two shoes and suffered from hydration when she was ultimately corralled by a man and his wife. Odds are that Ellis Park will now do a better job controlling the horses.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Will the Oakland A’s be playing in denim uniforms? We find out on this day in 1980, when Charlie Finley sells the team for $127 million to the owner of Levi Strauss.

WORD OF THE DAY

Liminal – [LIM-uh-nul] – adjective

Definition: Barely perceptible or involving a transitional or in-between state.

Example: There’s liminal luminosity of landscape lighting on my backyard weeds.

WIT OF THE DAY

“If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn’t plan your mission properly.”

 -David Hackworth

BIDEN BLURB

“Human rights must be the center of our foreign policy, not the periphery. But the way to do it is not through endless military deployments.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Soaking