The Jaffe Briefing - August 9, 2021

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – If gubernatorial candidates are looking for meaty, contentious, headline-grabbing issues during the dog days of August, they can thank the pandemic. With the delta variant here, Gov. Phil Murphy and his contender, Jack Ciattarreli seem miles apart on how to respond, the Record reports. You have Murphy considering any and all mandates to get more New Jerseyans vaccinated and protected, even the knuckleheads. Then there’s Ciattarelli, who opposes vaccine requirements and would even broaden the state’s controversial religious exemption to include a philosophical one, thus creating a dangerous catch-all for parents to ignore all routine vaccines, like measles and mumps. Expect some feisty debating and even more glorious news copy.

ON THE ROAD – It’s not easy to compete with Amazon. And no one seems to know this fact better than NJ Transit, which can’t find bus drivers. Money talks, and that’s why our transit agency now must cough up a $6,000 signing bonus for drivers with a commercial driver’s license and $3,000 for drivers who applied for one, NJ.com reports. Meanwhile, as NJ Transit scrambles for drivers to handle all its promised routes, there’s even more competition from UPS and FedEx, as well as school districts, as all schools reopen in just a few short weeks. And you can’t ask the kids to drive the buses. Yet.

STATEWIDE – You can find craft breweries almost anywhere in New Jersey. But can you find beer in bottles? Other states are serving up warning signs, saying local breweries are full of suds, but they can’t find bottles, labels and other packaging. They also can’t get the crowns that go on the glass to hold the bottles in place, or even the glue to hold the packaging together, as that sticky stuff seems only available from China, ABC reports. Meanwhile, bars, restaurants, concert venues, sports stadiums, etc. are all demanding more and more beer to serve the thirsty public. Maybe it should all be BYOB: “Bring You Own Bottle.”

BRIEFING BREATHER

The longest name of a place still in use is a hill in New Zealand: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu

HARDYSTON – He’s the “Wildman,” and that should play well in the prison yard. The Wildman could be looking at 3 ½ years in prison for slugging a Washington D.C. police officer during the Jan. 6 insurrection on Capitol Hill, the New Jersey Herald reports. The Wildman, a local gym owner, was captured on video trailing cops as they walked through the angry mob at the Capitol, yelling “Are you an American? Act like [explicit] ones! You guys have no idea what the [explicit] you're doing.” Then seemingly unprompted, the Wildman pushed an officer and punched his helmet. Since this horrific event, the Wildman has spent months of “critical reflection,” according to his attorney, and believes it is time to assume some responsibility. A federal judge will decide how much reflection the Wildman will require behind bars, as investigations continue for about 140 officers assaulted that day.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

IRON MOUNTAIN, Mich. – Some crazy Baby Boomers are becoming a real nuisance here. No, no one is cranking old Hendrix records. Rather, they are playing pickleball, the Daily News reports, through all hours of the night. Local residents who live near the courts are desperate to move as pickleball players go on for hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack, as wafting odors of Ben Gay make it impossible to sit outside. The mayor vows to try to mitigate the noise somehow, but pickleball players are a forcible constituent base and no one wants to tick them off. The talk now is mandating quieter paddles and – no – the unpopular proposed 6 p.m. curfew is not on the table.

TOKYO – With the Olympics now behind us, there are endless story lines. Sure, there’s Jessica Springsteen winning a silver medal in equestrian sports, Sidney McLaughlin being awesome with the hurdles and the USA basketball team winning another gold, meeting all expectations. But perhaps the most interesting story came from the European Handball Federation, fining each member of the Norway’s Women’s Beach Handball team $177 for wearing shorts during competition. These female athletes are supposed to wear bikini bottoms “with a close fit,” cut “in an upward angle.” Because everyone knows you can’t play handball without a wedgie.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Priscilla Presley hits the open market on this day in 1973, when she and Elvis divorce.

WORD OF THE DAY

Pink – [PINK] – verb

Definition: To pierce, stab

Example: I pinked her pink shirt because I hate pink.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”

– Oscar Wilde

BIDEN BLURB

“Well, I thought the deal was, when you went to work for the government you weren't supposed to make money!”

-Joe Biden 

WEATHER IN A WORD

Rebounding