The Jaffe Briefing - July 28, 2021

STATEWIDE – Gov. Phil Murphy scored some quick mid-summer PR yesterday, dropping a press release announcing that nine rest areas on the Garden State Parkway will be renamed after New Jersey icons. But it may take some time for all to gel. Will we really start saying stuff like, “Hey, hit me up for some nuts at the James Gandolfini" (service area in Montvale.)? Or "do they play Wang Chung at the Connie Chung" (service area at Brookdale South)? Or “I will always love you at the Whitney Houston" (service area in Vauxhall), or “Watch out for those toilet seats at the Jon Bon Jovi (service area in Cheesequake.) “They are slippery when wet.”

STATEWIDE – Don’t shoot the messenger here, but it seems that masks are coming back to the Garden State, again. Yes, sigh, the federal Centers for Disease Control are now recommending that even fully vaccinated people wear masks indoors in areas with high transmission rates. That includes New Jersey, sad to say, which reported more than 53 cases per 100,000 residents over the last seven days, and the positivity rate on new tests is landing north of 3 percent, Politico reports. It gets even lousier: The feds are also recommending that everyone in schools wear masks, sure to tick off any teen who assumed he/she was finally clear of any threat and, thus, invincible. It now all rests with the governor – seeking reelection and the love/adoration of all of us – to decide how to best implement this unpopular mandate, again.

ALL OVER - Gas prices are up by more than a dollar a gallon from this time last year, but that’s no reason to steal an oil tanker and lead police on an eight-hour, 80-mile odyssey. OK, we’re just assuming the outrageous prices at the pump are what possessed a suspect to hijack an oil truck Saturday and go careening through several Jersey Shore towns. Authorities haven’t actually said what the Camden County woman was thinking. But by the time they stopped her in a Wawa parking lot in Wildwood, she had left a trail of smashed bumpers, broken headlights and dented doors. When (if?) she’s released, nobody tell her that gas prices are up a nickel just from last week.

BRIEFING BREATHER

If you count from 1 to 1,000,000, your lips won't touch until you reach 1,000,000.

WILDWOOD – It already takes forever to get a table at a Jersey Shore restaurant, if you are that lucky, and the current staffing crisis is going to get much, much worse. Businesses are cringing as summer workers go back to college next month, just at the point when everyone else thinks it is the ideal time to take a vacation and enjoy all the many amenities the shore has to offer. Operating hours are being cut, cut, cut, while the staff flees daily. Business owners are now demanding the state require unemployed people to actively seek work to continue to collect benefits, while also handing tax credits to financially strapped businesses to pay for the wage increases and employee cash incentives. Meanwhile, enjoy that Ferris wheel, now open every other Thursday for 20 minutes – if that 15-year-old kid decides to show up for work.

EWING – Their house is underwater and now the Trenton Water Works is in hot water. A township couple is suing the utility, claiming their house is a “total loss” when water seeped in through the foundation. The Trentonian reports that Timothy and Kathryn McCool lost their cool, living in the “mold-infested” sunken-ship abode because it can’t be put on the market without significant structural repairs, as the foundation moves and sways. Lawyers are claiming that billions of gallons of water have been running under the house, courtesy of Trenton Water Works. Meanwhile, the city says the water is coming from the residents’ own pipe. “When your pipe breaks in your house, you can’t just blame everything on Trenton Water Works,” a city official said. Now, lawyers want to hire a structural engineer to prove their case, noting the house is worth about $400,000, plus all the pain and suffering, of course, and mounting legal fees.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

MANILLA – Competitive weightlifting never really seemed like the gateway to the big cash, unless, apparently, you have to be from the Philippines. Hidilyn Diaz took home the first gold medal ever for the country, attaining a 280-pound world record for the women’s lift. That earned her $660,000 in cold, hard, tax-free cash, as well as two homes, a lifetime of free flights and, let’s assume, a whole bunch of other stuff from a very grateful country, Bloomberg reports. It’s a small price to pay for a nation aspiring for a gold medal for 97 years.

WORD OF THE DAY

Jeremiad – [jair-uh-MYE-ud] – noun

Definition: A prolonged complaint

Example: Thank you for your scathing jeremiad regarding this newsletter.

WIT OF THE DAY

"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."

-Ronald Reagan

BIDEN BLURB

“Our future cannot depend on the government alone.”

-Joe Biden 

WEATHER IN A WORD

Breathable