The Jaffe Briefing - July 22, 2021
DOWN THE SHORE – Sure, you can stay in an overpriced seaside motel that hasn’t been updated since the waning days of the Carter Administration. But, for the same cash – about $250 a night – you can sleep on a yacht. NJ 101.5 reports that Airbnb has a summer listing for a big boat that sleeps five and features three bathrooms. It’s yours with a two-night minimum and one important stipulation: it stays docked. But imagine the fun of swilling martinis on the deck as you poo-poo some of the smaller yachts travelling through. What losers.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – GOP challenger Jack Ciatarelli is asking some tough questions. And why not? His singular goal in life is to make things as tough as possible for our governor. So, he is hitting the radio, asking Gov. Phil Murphy to share his thoughts on such topics as: Should kindergarten students be taught gender identity? Should “the most explicit sex acts” be taught in middle school? Murphy isn’t taking the bait at the moment, responding by saying: “The last thing we need is use of words that are third rail words. Enough already.” Nope, says Ciatarelli. Expect many, many more awkward questions as we move toward November.
PATERSON – In yet another “only in New Jersey” story, city taxpayers are on the hook to pay the legal bills of the former mayor who was convicted of official misconduct in 2017. Try to follow any logic here. Former Mayor Joey Torres is suing the city for retiree health benefits, with a judge granting him the benefits eight months ago. The city stopped providing the coverage in 2019 when it switched plans. Now, besides his legal bills, the former mayor also wants the city to reimburse him for payments that his wife made to her employer, Passaic County Technical Institute, during the coverage gap, the Paterson Press reports. Torres blames the current mayor, Andre Sayegh, for all this, citing political retribution or whatever. Meanwhile, lawyers are on the clock for about $50,000 so far, as “public servants” squabble.
BRIEFING BREATHER
“Go” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
ASBURY PARK – Just because you went to prison doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a job. That obvious fact is not lost on Monmouth County officials, who are now targeting ex-offenders to help fill all these unfilled jobs everywhere. The Asbury Park Press reports on a very successful job fair through the county’s probation office, in which job offers were flying all over to restaurants, supermarkets and convenience stores. One guy who never experienced so much interest in his talents told the newspaper that he landed three job interviews and an offer to work at Great Adventure, with his new employer eager for him to start on Monday. What a smart program.
IN THE MEDIA
TRENTON – Politico may have some competition for its morning newsletter, as a new news website is eagerly collecting email addresses for a launch this month. We know precious little about “New Jersey Monitor,” who is behind it and if it’s not just a cheap front for some political party. The fledgling site promises to “hold powerful people accountable and explain how their actions affect New Jerseyans from Montague to Cape May.” Hey, at least it didn’t refer to us as New Jerseyites. A good first step.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
MILWAUKEE – In what is both shameless and brilliant PR, Chick-Fil-A somehow got Milwaukee Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo to head to the drive-thru and order a bunch of chicken nuggets the morning after winning the NBA title. Of course, this stunt had the local hero snuggling the Larry O'Brien Trophy and the Bill Russell Finals MVP award, with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel conveniently there to capture every single time the basketball star mentioned “Chick-Fil-A” to his 155,000 Instagram Live audience. "Not 51. 50," nuggets he ordered, in honor of his 50-point night on Tuesday. And then, the barrage of product mentions. "That's why I signed in Milwaukee, so I can get free Chick-Fil-A for life," he said. Hey, right now, I'm putting you guys on the spot," he said to an employee at the drive-thru window. "Free Chick-Fil-A for life?" The employee replied, "You win it again next year then you got a deal." Brilliant. We’re sure it's all extremely expensive for Chick-Fil-A, but what a slam dunk.
GARDINER, ME – You can have your cake and eat it too. It just can’t be made of cocaine. That’s the harsh lesson for some bakers/drug dealers, who had this “special” cake seized by drug enforcement agents. Acting on a tip, police stopped the car on Interstate 295 in Gardiner on Tuesday, and a drug-sniffing dog found a marble cake with coffee grounds used to cover up the scent, officials said. It was quickly ascertained that, no, that is certainly not baking powder, and the couple were arrested and expected to show up in court yesterday. No sweets for the judge, who has apparently sworn off coke cake.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Perhaps, on this day in 2014, Apple realized people were going blind with all the time they spend staring at the iPhone 5. And perhaps that was why the tech giant announced the iPhone 6 would be much larger, providing much-needed relief.
WORD OF THE DAY
Torpor – [TOR-per] – noun
Definition: a state of lowered physiological activity typically characterized by reduced metabolism, heart rate, respiration, and body temperature; or apathy, dullness
Example: With all this humidity, it’s sure tough to shake off the torpor.
WIT OF THE DAY
“I’m not only legitimate, but running a casino. And that’s like selling people dreams for cash.”
-Sam “Ace” Rothstein
a.k.a. “The Golden Jew”
BIDEN BLURB
“Over the objections, where they sound like squealing pigs, over the objections of Romney and all his allies, we passed some of the toughest Wall Street regulations in history, turning Wall Street back into the allocator of capital it always has been and no longer a casino. And they want to repeal it.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Summery