The Jaffe Briefing - May 11, 2021

STATEWIDE – A progressive research group is out with a tax study. OK, that may be the most boring lede ever written. Let’s try again; here we go: If you are deemed rich in New Jersey, you are screwed. That’s according to a new study, that shows President Biden’s proposed tax increases would hit New Jerseyans more than any other state. NJ.com reports that 53,000 “wealthy” New Jerseyans – or 1.2 % of us – would see a tax increase. That may get a collective yawn from the 98.8% of the remainder, eager to get through this Democrat plan unscathed. New Jersey joins Massachusetts, New York, California and Connecticut as the wealthiest states, ironically all Blue states, and the places bearing the brunt. The tax study offers a great quote: “If you are a remotely normal America, you will not pay more.” Sometimes, it’s good to be remotely normal.

LINDEN – All is well? Apparently, things are going just swell at the Colonial Pipeline. Despite a massive cyberattack from the criminal gang “DarkSide” on a critical operation that delivers nearly half of the fuel that we consume in New Jersey, the company says service should be mostly resumed by the end of the week. Of course, there is talk of panic at the pump, hoarding and perceived shortages. True, the main pipeline isn’t working, but all these smaller lines appear to be handling the flow. (Insert confident smile here.) Of course, there’s a much, much deeper story here, as these thugs have figured a way to shut down critical infrastructure that affects the entire eastern seaboard and reveals, again, American vulnerability. Don’t expect an update from the FBI, never one to confirm or deny.

STATEWIDE – New Jerseyans receiving unemployment benefits should expect to see an extra $300 in federal money in their bank accounts today, following a processing delay. That is certainly a relief for many. But as insensitive as this sounds – and with a mountain of hate mail expected – there are countless news stories about employers desperate for employees, especially in the service industry. If there needs to be aid, it needs to include incentives. How about providing a federally-supported bonus to those who are hired, at a higher rate than subsidies for those who are not working? Otherwise, labor shortages make it more expensive for employers, who pass on the expense to consumers. Following this string of perceived logic, working people end up subsidizing non-working people.

BRIEFING BREATHER

No number from 1 to 999 includes the letter “a” in its word form.

STATEWIDE – All of those eerily quiet mega-vaccination centers across New Jersey will soon see a spike in business, as the feds will be allowing Pfizer’s two-dose vaccine to kids ages 12-15. We find out the details tomorrow, when guidelines are announced. This is big news for schools, now already discussing the back to school plans and the hopes for a normal school year. It is also big news for families, worried that their young teens had now been the most vulnerable population – old enough to get sick, not old enough for a vaccine.

WEST LONG BRANCH – With three weeks to go before racing season at Monmouth Park, it’s time to crack the whip. Well, not so fast, there, as the New Jersey Racing Commission has enacted a controversial “anti-whip rule.” Jockeys are no longer allowed to use their whip or riding crop to make the horse run faster. If caught, they could be disqualified. Moreover, under the rule passed in September, the horses will be inspected for whippings. So far, at least six jockeys are now refusing to race at Monmouth Park, NJ 101.5 reports, saying New Jersey is the only state with such a restriction. In any case, Monmouth Park has plenty of other jockeys who are willing to ride horses without beating them.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BUCHAREST – They don’t want to suck your blood, but they wouldn’t mind pricking you. These are Romanian doctors, and they are using Dracula’s castle in Transylvania to serve as a COVID vaccination center. They argue a jab in the arm is much better than a stake through the heart. And that’s why they are using this famous setting from Bram Stoker’s 19th-century gothic novel for “vaccination marathons.” It’s a great deal. It’s free. No appointment needed and you get to check out this storied 14th-century hilltop castle. An added bonus: Everyone gets “vaccination diplomas” featuring a fanged medical worker brandishing a syringe.

LAW TALK

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, do it affect your memory at all?

Witness: Yes

Attorney: And in what way does it affect your memory?

Witness: I forget.

Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

WORD OF THE DAY

Shrive – [SHRYVE] – verb

Definition: To free from guilt

Example: “Once every three months, Pancho took his savings and drove into Monterey to confess his sins, to do his penance, and be shriven and to get drunk, in the order named.” 

-John Steinbeck, “The Pastures of Heaven”

WIT OF THE DAY

“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”

-Corey Ford

BIDEN BLURB

“You ever been to a caucus?…No you haven’t. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Pleasant