The Jaffe Briefing - May 10, 2021
LINDEN – As everything seems to begin and end in New Jersey, the national news is a pipeline that runs from Houston to Linden. The Colonial Pipeline – the largest of its kind in the U.S. – is shut down, as a Friday ransomware attack has taken down this massive delivery system that provides fuel to states on the eastern border. Yeah, this is an absolute mess, with the White House calling the latest Russian hack to be the priority of the morning. The race is to get the pipeline online by Wednesday, which would mean minimal disruption. But, any later, things can get tricky, with higher gas costs here, and cheaper prices anywhere else that refiners in the Gulf Coast can dump off their production. Translation: our region hinges on 2.5 million barrels delivered through this pipeline each day.
EDISON – First, Middlesex County College changed its name to “Middlesex College.” And, very soon, the sprawling, 200-acre campus could be home to dormitories and residential dining halls, under proposed state legislation that would positively impact all 18 community colleges in the state. It all points to an elevated role of county colleges, historically (and unfairly) dismissed as commuter schools, stepping stones and “13th grade.” Soon, they too, may be able to offer the full college experience, at an affordable price. And for schools with an endless supply of land, heck, why not add some fraternities and sorority houses? And maybe a full offering of bachelor's degrees? And, heck, why not just have these community colleges merge with local four-year universities?
STATEWIDE – New Jersey’s sizzling real estate market is beyond nuts, with the average single-family house now selling for more than $500,000, up 24% over last year. NJ.com is reporting on some crazy bidding wars. There’s the house in Hawthorne on the market for $150,000, plagued with cat odor and fire damage in the attic. After 112 showings in the first weekend and 78 offers by that Monday, the house sold for 53% above asking. There’s also the Belmar house that sold for $400,000 more than what the seller sought and a South Orange house that is blessed to be close to the train station, earning the seller a cool $1.1 million – 30% above a very high initial asking price. Hire a Realtor to sell your tool shed. Market it as a “craftsman’s dream.”
BRIEFING BREATHER
Maryland tried to ban Randy Newman's song "Short People."
LODI – Marijuana is legal now, right? It seems so, unless you are zipping along Route 80 with double-tinted windows and carrying 360 pounds of pot from Canada. The Record reports that two guys were en route to NYC on Route 80 last month, when cops noticed they were tailgating a tractor-trailer. They then caught a whiff of that all-too-familiar odor. Cops then noticed all these duffel bags in the back of the Chevy Tahoe. Then, they saw piles of heat-sealed bags of marijuana, with an estimated street value of $1.5 million. The pair are out of jail now, after sitting in the Bergen County lock-up since April 27. The prosecutor will certainly acknowledge that pot possession under six ounces is now OK in New Jersey. But 13 large duffel bags packed with the drug? Well, hmm, that may be a problem.
IN THE MEDIA
HACKENSACK – After years of bad pay and newsroom cuts that continue to diminish the product, some reporters are rightfully fed up. And, so, it seemed inevitable that staffers at three Gannett newspapers are now creating a labor union. The Record Guild, affiliated with the News Guild of New York, comprises ticked-off reporters and editors at The Record, the Daily Record and New Jersey Herald. Their demands are straight-forward: Pay us more. Give us decent benefits. Promote us and give us raises from time to time. Basic stuff here. And based on the fact the staffers voted 59-4 to unionize, these reporters and editors have reached the boiling point. Gannett could have easily avoided this. And before Gannett assumes it can just easily replace all 82 staffers across three newsrooms, there’s currently a dearth of experienced editorial people who can do the job with competence, provide adequate training or be willing to work for a low-paying, back-breaking news operation.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
NORMAN, OK – The case of the missing “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” VHS tape is finally put to bed. A former Oklahoma woman, who had the VCR tape since 1999, is no longer facing charges for the theft. The case resurfaced last month, when the woman – who now lives in Texas – got married and tried to change her name on her driver’s license. That simple move prompted some computers to start whirring – spitting out the fact that she is on the lam from Oklahoma because she never returned the rental. “The first thing (the woman answering the phone at the Cleveland County District Attorney’s Office) told me was (I was wanted for) felony embezzlement, so, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack,” she said. Authorities had clear-cut documentation that she was a wanted woman for never returning a rental VHS tape of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” in 1999 to a store that went out of business a long time ago. “She told me it was over the VHS tape and I had to make her repeat it because I thought, this is insane,” the thief said. The big news hit the wires, prompting national attention. Cleveland County authorities, in response, announced they are not pursuing the case and are expunging the woman’s criminal record.
LAW TALK
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: 38 or 35; I can’t remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: 45 years.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1994 that Barbra Streisand launched first concert tour in 30 years. Memories…
WORD OF THE DAY
Paean – [PEE-un] – noun
Definition: A joyous song or hymn of praise, tribute, thanksgiving, or triumph
Example: This newsletter is no folksy paean to simplicity. It's a play on all the beauty, everyday, in New Jersey.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Fantasy, if it's really convincing, can't become dated, for the simple reason that it represents a flight into a dimension that lies beyond the reach of time.”
-Walt Disney
BIDEN BLURB
“I know speaking of unity can sound to some like a foolish fantasy these days.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Brightening