The Jaffe Briefing - April 28, 2021
WESTFIELD – Folks here are used to being “Number One” in this, or “Number One” in that, so the fact that the town came in dead last in any national study is a real stinger. Now, before Westfield people get even more enraged, the study is from “WalletHub,” which is not exactly “scientific” when it comes to concocting its internet click bait. Still, things are not sitting well, with the “study” ranking Westfield last among 1,337 municipalities in its “Best & Worst Small Cities to Start a Business” list. Such a claim was enough for astonished soccer moms to spit out their gourmet coffee (half oat milk/half almond milk.) Mayor Shelley Brindle was quick to poo-poo the report, but Republicans seeking to unseat the Democratic majority-led town council seized upon the news, citing the WalletHub report with the same unquestioning respect given the Harvard Law Review.
STATEWIDE – Yeah, yeah, New Jersey has its taxes, and its traffic, and its outrageous cost of living. But we also happen to have some really, really good public schools, evident in an actual respected ranking, through U.S. News & World Report. We even have the 27th-best high school in the entire nation, the Middlesex County Academy for STEM, as well as 38 other super schools that are among the top 10% in the nation. Unlike WalletHub and other bogus research outfits, this study analyzed real metrics, like academic performance, curriculum, college readiness and, of course, graduation rates. The list proudly includes Elizabeth High School, ranked the 13th best high school in New Jersey and 204th nationally, beating out such heavy hitters as Millburn High, Livingston High, Summit High and Glen Ridge High. Translation: You don’t need a million-dollar house for a million-dollar education in New Jersey.
STATEWIDE – Politicians are always talking about finding new revenue here or there. But they rarely look at Uncle Sam, who has been pickpocketed by tax cheats since the first 1040 form was printed in 1914. The New York Times says the Biden Administration hopes to raise $700 billion or so by giving the IRS more teeth to go after Americans who file “creative” tax forms and demand big refunds. It’s widely reported that the IRS has faced massive budget cuts over the past decade or so, losing 18,000 full-time jobs in 2010, and then maintaining the same level of overworked auditors as it did in 1950. This has been a dream for the rich, whose web-like filings are virtually impossible to untangle, leaving the audit rates at a laughable 1.6% for the wealthiest. Experts think the government could reap $1.4 trillion or so if the IRS had modern-day technology, data and a fully-equipped workforce. There’s plenty of gold in these hills, if the IRS could just afford a pan.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The real name of Monopoly mascot Uncle Pennybags is Milburn Pennybags.
POINT PLEASANT BEACH – It’s always difficult to know who exactly runs the boardwalk here: The town, or the private company, Jenkinson’s Boardwalk. But it looks like Jenks may have overstepped a wee bit, dragging the town into federal court in its demand to be able to sell booze on its “private beach.” A judge has dismissed the suit, NJ.com reports, ruling the town is allowed to prohibit booze on its own beach, ban coolers larger than 13 inches wide and allow town cops to patrol this “private beach.” While the judge dismissed Jenks allegations as “convoluted and ambiguous,” Mayor Paul Kanitra described the ruling as “an utter and complete validation for common sense measures,” hoping the ruling puts an end to “undiscussed, unapproved” practices of Jenks beachgoers drinking wherever they want.
WEST MILFORD – A former student has been awarded $937,500 in a settlement from the district. The West Milford High School graduate claimed she was a regular victim of racist taunts and physical violence for years in school, beginning as early as fifth grade, prompting a discrimination lawsuit in 2018. She said she was denied tutoring and driver’s education courses for an extended period, was accused by staff of having sex in school bathrooms, and was physically assaulted. The student also talked of text messages from students that insulted her family and threatened that the Ku Klux Klan was coming and she should "lock the door." The issue was finally put to bed, with the school district agreeing to the settlement, the Record reports. No one is talking on the record; one can only hope protocols have been enacted to prevent others from suffering the same awful experience, and that this student can begin to put her ordeal behind her.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BERLIN – The emergency call came in to the bomb squad on Tuesday: a reported hand grenade that a jogger unearthed in the Bavarian forest. The squad trained for this day; it was prepared. Following all protocol and precaution, the bomb squad was dispatched to a forest outside the city of Passau, near Germany’s borders with Austria, prepared to deal with another hidden munition from World War II. They arrived and squared in on the device, wrapped in a bag. It did look like a grenade, but it was made of some form of plastic. The contents also included some lubricant and a condom. What could it be? “An internet search confirmed the suspicion,” police said. “There are actually sex toys in the form of hand grenades.”
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Baseball trivia nuts get excited; here we go: It was on this day in 1892 that the very first pinch hitter walked to the plate. And that was? Charlie Reilly
WORD OF THE DAY
Rococo – [ruh-KOH-koh] – adjective
Definition: Of or relating to an artistic style especially of the 18th century characterized by fanciful curved asymmetrical forms and elaborate ornamentation.
Example: It sure is hard to find a set of chairs carved in a rococo style at Ikea.
WIT OF THE DAY
“It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”
-Rocky Balboa
BIDEN BLURB
"My dad always said, 'Champ, the measure of a man is not how often he is knocked down, but how quickly he gets up.'"
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Summery