The Jaffe Briefing - April 27, 2021

TRENTON – Let the party begin! Well, sorta. Gov. Phil Murphy is vastly expanding the size limits for outdoor gatherings from 200 people to 500 people, while the capacity limits for outdoor sports and entertainment venues will jump to 50% capacity beginning May 10. Great news for proms, graduations, outdoor concerts, baseball games, etc. It all just seems so, well, “normal,” as the state’s infection rates continue to drop. Indoor events are also getting a boost, as weddings can have a maximum of 250 people, although you will still need to wear a mask on the dance floor and don’t even think about kissing the bride. 

STATEWIDE – At this time last year, everyone pitied the Class of ’20 – stripped of its prom, graduation and all the other end-of-the-year hoopla. But, as the Record reports, the Class of ’21 may have had an even crappier year, as high school seniors spent most of the year at home and socially distanced. In the debate over who had it worse, the Class of ’21 has some great arguments: Imagine no crowd for live sports or a football season. Imagine not being able to take a live tour of colleges and then committing to a school they’ve never seen. Imagine waiting many more months to get a driver’s license, with all the MVC delays. Imagine all those last-minute efforts to gin up the GPA, while stuck on endless hours of Zoom. And, of course, the constant threat of getting sick. At least the Class of ’21 gets a live prom; these seniors certainly deserve it.

JERSEY CITY – City officials may want to revisit an odd perk for City Council members, using taxpayer dollars to enroll local leaders in college classes. There are plenty of programs through the state League of Municipalities to educate local officials on how to better do their job. So, it makes no sense the city would spend thousands of dollars for this extra education that seems completely unrelated to these part-time positions. The Jersey Journal reports the council president was handed $5,000 for her “Ministry Leadership” course, while another council member was given $3,924 for a class titled “IT Management and Organizational Leadership.” With more than $42,700 spent on classes in 2019 and 2020, Jersey City may want to enroll council members in a course titled, “How Not to Waste Taxpayer Money on Unrelated College Classes.”

BRIEFING BREATHER

Around 16 million people alive today are direct descendants of Genghis Khan.

NEPTUNE – We’re often asked: How do you concoct such a brilliant newsletter every morning? Because this is New Jersey, and the wacky news never ends. Like this gem: Neptune school officials are investigating a middle school vice principal after he appeared on social media throwing beer at restaurant patrons last weekend. He decided to chuck the cup of beer, after his wife argued with customers over an apparent transgender woman using the woman’s bathroom at Fred & Ethel’s Lantern Light and Tavern in Smithville, BreakingAC.com reports. The wife reportedly complained to the waitress, “There was a man pissing in the women’s bathroom. She’s a man. She’s a man.” Read more eye-opening stuff here, as well as video.

OAKLAND – There are likely dozens, if not hundreds, of reasons why you can’t sell your organs. But that’s certainly not stopping a local man from pushing the issue in federal court. After all, he argues, it’s his kidney. He grew it. He takes care of it. He should be able to do what he pleases with it. And that’s why this 37-year-old – apparently with plenty of organs for sale – is suing Attorney General Merrick Garland. According to the NY Post, he is arguing the law is a violation of his constitutional rights to “freedom of contract” in regards to what can be done with his personal property. Other arguments: There’s 93,000 Americans on a waiting list for kidneys, so why not throw out some organs to sop the demand? And, in some places you can sell blood plasma, eggs, sperm, etc. So, why not a kidney?  And, he also argues, what a great strategy to end the black market. No comment, yet, from the Attorney General.

IN THE MEDIA

LINCOLNSHIRE, ENGLAND – You spend plenty of time thinking about the apostrophe. So do we. So, you are joining in memorializing John Richards, a British newspaperman who is considered the “King of the Apostrophe.” He died March 30 at age 97. So much of his passion involved the apostrophe – and the infatuation that it be used correctly. He created the “Apostrophe Protection Society” to fight the “barbarians” attacking a punctuation mark that is a “poor defenseless creature,” the Washington Post reports. His life’s work identified and shamed chronic apostrophe abusers, such as the clown who first wrote, “Diamond’s are Forever,” or “New’s and Magazines,” or, the absolute worst infraction: “Tattoo’s.” We will forever be indebted to “Richards’s” or, um, “Richards’” commitment to correct grammar.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

TAMPA – A published tribute in the Tampa Bay Times for the sad passing of Hugh Cassidy: “He made the family promise to keep him at home all the way to the end. Although we were able to honor that, I am pretty sure he regretted it at the end as he yelled 'yous don't know what you're doing.' We sure did not, but we did hold up our end of the bargain. We may have contributed to his early departure, but ultimately colon cancer was the cause. A frequent TV yeller, never wanting anyone to touch his recorded shows, which included the Real Housewives, to only the highest quality cheesecakes for every holiday, he said he is glad to make it long enough to vote Trump out of office and to flick off his job one last time before retiring. He enjoyed a good argument and was a prankster at heart. It did not take much to get under his skin and most of us enjoyed pushing his buttons daily. Hugh went from cable tech to house flipper to stock broker all in a short amount of time. We have pledged to only buy the stocks he told us to buy. In lieu of flowers, crack open a Keystone Light or piss water as we referred to it in his honor.”

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2014 that Pope Francis canonizes both John XXIII and John Paul II: a special twofer toward sainthood.

WORD OF THE DAY

Epicure – [EP-ih-kyur] – noun

Definition: One with sensitive and discriminating tastes, especially in food or wine

Example: As I make my kid yet another a grilled cheese, I consider myself a home-based epicure.

WIT OF THE DAY

“A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.”

-Prince Philip

BIDEN BLURB

“Well, you know, my shotgun will do better for you than your AR-15, because you want to keep someone away from your house, just fire the shotgun through the door.” 

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Perfect