The Jaffe Briefing - March 19, 2021
NEW BRUNSWICK – For this brief, shining moment, let’s ignore the price tag. Rutgers basketball is finally – and gloriously - back in the big dance, with tip-off tonight (9:20 p.m. on TBS) against Clemson to begin the team’s valiant march toward the NCAA championship. (OK, there may be some over-enthusiasm here.) But let’s take a moment not to read the front-page story in today’s Star-Ledger, detailing the millions and millions of dollars that have been invested to elevate this basketball program to respectability. Rather, for the moment, let’s just enjoy this long-awaited slice in time, as all of us long-suffering fans have already paid dearly over the decades.
WALL TWP — There’s many who would like to erase the Trump presidency from memory. But erasing a Trump t-shirt from a 2017 high school yearbook will cost this town’s school district $325,000. NJ.com says that’s the cash settlement the school board is giving a retired teacher who was instructed to digitally erase the “Trump Make America Great Again” slogan to make it appear a student was wearing just a plain navy blue T-shirt. The teacher’s lawsuit claims she was routinely forced to edit yearbook photos to remove anything controversial. But, the teacher rightfully argued that “yearbooks should reflect reality.” The school district also paid to reissue the 2017 yearbook with the student’s original unaltered photo, as this old story once again has new legs.
BRIEFING BREATHER
In his obituary, a lifetime Cleveland Browns fan and season ticket holder requested "six Cleveland Browns pallbearers" at his funeral. Why? "So the Browns can let him down one last time.”
STATEWIDE – Every once in a while, there’s good news in the endless battle against guns. In another valiant effort to fight the tide, New Jersey authorities have smacked down a California company that recklessly manufactures “ghost guns” – which you can actually build yourself and do not have serial numbers. As part of a settlement, this frightening company has been booted from doing business in New Jersey and is paying a $70,000 fine, after the state rightfully accused company owners of pedaling illegal weapons in one of the most congested places on the planet. The silver bullet? When an undercover cop was sold a kit to assemble an AR-15 rifle in the comfort of his living room, the state had its case.
IN THE MEDIA
TRALEE, Ireland – People are fiercely loyal to their weekly newspaper; The Kerryman has been reporting on all local news since 1904. But now – in this era of gender equality – one politician is calling for this tiny newspaper to be renamed The Kerrypeople. That’s prompted a bunch of colorful quips from the good people of County Kerry. One newspaper salesman called the idea “balderdash,” another said the idea was akin to renaming manholes as “person holes.” One reader called the suggestion “political correctness gone made,” while another wondered if this politician had any other matters of pressing business to address. Meanwhile, this maligned politician, Josepha Madigan, is also suggesting that the terms “chairman” and “spokesman” also be scrubbed from County Kerry, prompting some more colorful language from The Kerryman faithful, as the stout flows.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BALTIMORE – An Asian fusion restaurant delivers, but nobody knew exactly how far. So, when it was learned that a long-time customer suffering from terminal lung cancer had a hankering for the signature broccoli tempura entree, the owner sprinted into action, the Washington Post reports. It just so happens the customer’s son-in-law was emailing the request from Vermont and was just asking for the recipe. But the request prompted the business owner and two helpers to jump in the car, drive six hours and prepare the meal in-person. (Take that, DoorDash.) For the past few years, whenever this broccoli fan would visit Baltimore, her first stop was this eatery, Ekiben in Fells Point, ordering her favorite entrée topped with fresh herbs, diced onion and fermented cucumber vinegar. The woman joked when she was on her deathbed, she wanted to have that broccoli. She got her wish, made freshly on the tailgate of a pick-up truck, on March 12.
BOSTON – Stick this in your Funk & Wagnalls. That’s precisely what siblings, Jonathan and Hilary Krieger, want for the word “orbisculate.” It’s a word they used all their lives, but never realized it wasn’t a real word until after their father, Neil Krieger, 78, died last April from COVID-19. The Kriegers tell the Washington Post their dad had a “wicked sense of humor,” and made up that word to describe squirting citrus juice in his face while spooning out grapefruit, a favorite breakfast. The Krieger kids are now trying to convince dictionaries to add ‘orbisculate‘ to our lexicon. But finicky folks at Merriam-Webster and snooty old Oxford have strict rules for adding words: Honoring dear old dad isn’t among them. So, Krieger’s family launched an online petition and they’re selling “orbisculate” shirts to benefit one of their father’s favorite charities.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Burger King was downgraded to Burger Jack on this day in 2012, when Wendy’s took over the No. 2 spot among fast food burger joints in terms of sales.
WORD OF THE DAY
Defenestrate – [dēˈfenəˌstrāt] – verb
Definition: To be thrown out a window
Example: When I messed up my wife’s birthday, I was defenestrated.
WIT OF THE DAY
“My choice early in life was between whether to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.”
- Harry S. Truman
BIDEN BLURB
“First, that nobody, no group, is above others. Public servants are obliged to level with everybody, whether or not they'll like what he has to say.”
-Joe Biden
WORD OF THE DAY
Whipping