The Jaffe Briefing - March 17, 2021

Top O' the Mornin'!

CLOSTER – There’s no big issues in this exclusive Bergen County town except for, of course, the llamas. They live on a nine-acre Piermont Road parcel, which allows the owner to pay a greatly reduced tax bill as a working farm, the Record reports. So in a town where the average tax bill is nearly $16,300, the nine acres generate just $123.26 a year, thanks to those llamas. A local resident, known for suing Closter year after year over the past 30 years, is demanding the alleged farmer be stripped of this generous tax break. And by this neighbor suing the town, the taxpayers foot the bill to respond to the legal challenge, meaning that Closter actually loses money every year on these nine acres of taxable land. The plaintiff’s main argument? For land to have a farmland tax break, it must have five acres of farmland. But the nine-acre tract is heavily wooded, in violation of the law. The property owner continually responds that his llamas need plenty of shade. So, there. Expect this case to roll into 2022 and beyond.

STATEWIDE – You still shiver with reminders of all that crushing college debt. Well, as the feds continue to throw piles of money in all directions as part of the $1.9 trillion stimulus, there’s some serious talk about erasing up to $50,000 in college debt. So far, President Biden has just talked about taking on $10,000 in debt, which is nice, but New Jersey’s two senators and others say that forgiving up to $50,000 can be a real game changer for young families trying to exist in such high-taxed, high-cost states like ours. NJ.com reports there are 1.3 million people in New Jersey owing $48.8 billion, with an average balance of $33,000. So, this proposal is substantial, especially when you factor in the high interest paid year after year. And what should the feds do for all those people who scrimped, sacrificed and saved to finally pay off their loans by themselves? May we suggest a smiley sticker?

FLEMINGTON – It looks like “South Pacific” will be following Disney and Dr. Seuss in a public scrubbing, as Hunterdon Central Regional High School will no longer be presenting the 1949 Pulitzer Prize-winning musical this spring because of racial insensitivities, following student and staff concerns, as the show focuses on issues regarding mixed-race children and tired stereotypes, NJ.com reports. So, rather than using South Pacific as a learning experience about some outdated thinking, the school will be presenting this spring “Some Enchanted Evening: A Celebration of the Music of Rodgers and Hammerstein,” which should offer some nice, non-controversial toe-tapping fun for kids of all ages via a safe outdoor concert.

BRIEFING BREATHER

A single sneeze travels 100 miles per hour and shoots 100,000 germs into the air.

MILLTOWN – Local Ghostbusters searching for new headquarters in Central Jersey are in luck. This borough is selling its two historic old firehouses. Milltown’s volunteer fire companies just got brand new digs in the borough’s $15 million public works facility. Officials are now unloading their 1920s-era firehouses: Eureka Engine Co. on South Main Street, and Eureka Hose Co. on Cottage Avenue. Mayor Trina Mehr tells The Sentinel that profits will help pay down debt for the new facility. So, if you ever dreamt of sliding down your very own brass pole: ‘Who ya gonna call?’ Milltown!

NEWARK – Is Queen Latifah everywhere? The Garden State is fast-becoming a guest star in the Newark-born celeb’s new TV action series “The Equalizer,” featuring scenes being shot in Jersey City, Newark, Paterson and Trenton. Latifah just returned to her alma mater, Irvington High School, for a daylong shoot, and her production company has turned the old Izod Center in East Rutherford into its studio. Last week, Latifah turned up at Essex County College for her first COVID-19 vaccine dose, using it to encourage Brick City residents to soon do the same. Irvington’s school superintendent tells Essex News Daily: “It’s good to have our locally grown celebrities come home to show love and respect for the community that contributed to their success.” If you see Queen Latifah on line for coffee this morning, remind her about our book club. It’s her turn to bring cookies.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

CANTONMENT, FL. – Will there be atonement in Cantonment? A school administrator and her daughter, a high school senior, have made a real mess of the homecoming celebration at Tate High School. The mom is accused of using her special school computer access to stuff the electronic ballot box so her 17-year-old would be elected homecoming queen last October. In a story that would even make helicopter parents cringe, the assistant principal is now explaining herself to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, following her arrest. Apparently, supermom used the school district’s internal computers to rig the vote, with her daughter’s full knowledge. Things looked fishy when school officials noticed unauthorized access into hundreds of student accounts, with 117 homecoming votes coming from the same IP address, linked to the mom’s cell phone and computers. All told, mom cooked 246 votes in the homecoming court. Multiple Tate students said the daughter blabbed about using her mom’s access to break into the school’s computer system. Mom is now at Escambia County Jail, while the teen-queen got expelled from Tate High and is now reigning over Escambia Regional Juvenile Detention Center.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Welcome to New Jersey. It was this day in 1991 that tolls on the New Jersey Turnpike jumped 70%.

WORD OF THE DAY

Bulbous – [bəlbəs/] – adjective

Definition: fat, round or bulging

Example: My bulbous nose suggests, yet again, that I may be drinking too much whiskey on St. Patrick’s Day.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

BIDEN BLURB

“Integrity is the minimum ante to get into the game.”

-Joe Biden

WORD OF THE DAY

Warming