The Jaffe Briefing - March 8, 2021

STATEWIDE – When the House votes tomorrow on the $1.9 trillion stimulus bill, the typical New Jerseyan will rightfully ask: So, what does this mean for me? Sen. Bob Menendez says New Jersey is looking at an estimated, not-too-shabby $9.3 billion. There will be $6.4 billion handed to the state – a nice little gift during budget time – while the counties and towns will get $2.9 billion. So, that New Jerseyan is still asking: What does it mean for me? The cash is going to target areas based on need, not population. Here’s the explanation from Menendez: “This badly needed federal funding will not just keep the lights on at City Hall, it will also help our communities get more vaccines in people’s arms, keep our first responders, teachers and other essential workers on the job, maintain our infrastructure and critical services, help our small businesses stay afloat, and put us on a smoother path towards economic recovery after the pandemic.” Hope that clears things up.

WASHINGTON – In a rare story, lets talk about this senator’s love for steak. Sen. Bob Menendez has spent more than $298,000 at Morton’s Steakhouse over the past 18 years, averaging a $16,000 annual bill, the NY Post reports. More accurately, the senator’s donors picked up the tab for his expensive eating habits. There’s also the after-dinner cigars, with $3,200 of them purchased at Jamie’s Cigar Bar & Restaurant in Clifton. “He spent enough money on steak and cigars to buy a new house in New Jersey,” one politico told the NY Post. “It’s the best lobbyist-funded lifestyle money can buy.” A Menendez staffer says the steak habit is “no secret,” and perhaps the conversation can be all about that terrific stimulus money coming to New Jersey.

HOBOKEN – A jackass who posted racist and sexually explicit remarks during a virtual City Council meeting will face bias and harassment charges once police track him down. Cops are hot on his digital trail. Vile comments from a user, identified as “iPhone 7,” popped up on a “chat feed” during last week’s City Council Zoom meeting. The Hudson County View says Councilwoman Jen Giattino blocked the chat feature after the meeting’s 22 participants saw posts using the ‘N-word’ and other vulgar sexual comments. Mayor Ravi Bhalla and the council quickly denounced these hateful remarks and Council President Ruben Ramos says: “I want to go to town on that person.”

FAIR LAWN — With no clue who sent him a big chocolate penis, chocolate dog poop and an exploding ‘glitter bomb,’ a 47-year-old businessman is going after two companies that drop-shipped him those unwelcome gag gifts. Patch reports the hapless victim filed a lawsuit in Bergen County, seeking $75,000 to sooth his anguish, targeting two firms in New York and San Diego that got paid to deliver the anonymous “adult novelties.” The lawsuit says he got three packages since 2019: A chocolate penis at his Fair Lawn workplace and two home deliveries in Oakland, including chocolate dog feces addressed to “Fat Midget” and a glitter bomb that exploded in his face. The lawsuit says these novelties are “outrageous” acts of assault, battery, negligence and conspiracy. Surely, no laughing matter, other than the $75k demand.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Most sleep better in a hammock than a bed.

PRINCETON – Glad to see America’s oldest collegiate debate society – home to some of the most brilliant minds – shed a stupid legacy. Sen. Ted Cruz is no longer the distinguished recipient of the “James Madison Award for Distinguished Public Service,” through Princeton University's American Whig-Cliosphic Society. The Daily Princetonian reports that society members are fed up with this 1992 Princeton grad, the latest being his baseless voter fraud claims in the 2020 election and the January 6 Capitol attack. (No mention of his clueless trip to Cancun.) The award — introduced in 1960 — is bestowed upon individuals who have “taken up the arduous but righteous cause of dedicating their life to the betterment of society.” This is the first time in the society's history that members have voted to take back the award – another distinction for the Texas senator.

STATEWIDE – It’s tax time, which promises to be a real eye-opener for new benefit recipients who just assume unemployment checks aren’t taxable. The Washington Post reports many are looking at thousands of dollars in taxes, after receiving all that COVID stimulus in 2020. Less than 40% of those who received unemployment checks during this pandemic withheld money from the emergency aid to pay Uncle Sam. Some members of Congress are pushing for the tax bill to be reduced, as so many jobless people are obviously unable to pay up. But that wasn’t factored in to the $1.9 trillion stimulus plan and it would cost yet another $30 billion or so. Silver lining: New Jersey doesn’t tax unemployment benefits. Apparently, it is a real bargain to live here.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

ROOSEVELT ISLAND, NY – At first, it seemed like a little hole behind the bathroom mirror; no biggie. But then the Roosevelt Island woman – determined to figure the source of that constant cold draft – dug a little deeper. She removed the mirror, peered inside and discovered she was living next to a vacant, two-story apartment. “Curiosity killed the cat, curiosity is going to kill me,” she told NBC. “I can't not know what's on the other side of my bathroom.” So, she was able to wiggle herself through the opening and was able to explore this whole new world, finding just trash bags, an uninstalled toilet and a random, empty water bottle. She awaits a meeting with the building owner, seeking an explanation for the mysterious place she found through the looking-glass.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1968 that a tyro – six-year-old Tommy Moore – shoots a hole in one.

WORD OF THE DAY

Tyro – [TYE-roh] – noun

Definition: A novice

Example: The backed-up golf course was full of six-year-old tyros.

WIT OF THE DAY

"You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy."

-Bill Clinton

BIDEN BLURB

“I am a gaffe machine. But my God what a wonderful thing compared to a guy who can't tell the truth.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Sunny