The Jaffe Briefing - March 5, 2021

WASHINGTON – The fall-out continues from the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, with Rep. Chris Smith grabbing national headlines for complaining about the meals handed out to New Jersey’s National Guard members. Smith tells House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that at least 30 of our soldiers got sick from crappy food from a private-sector vendor. There were National Guard members throwing up in the Senate parking lot, complaining of near-raw meat somehow containing shards of shaved metal, ABC reports. The Michigan National Guard was sickened, as well, calling their meals both moldy and raw. Perhaps the caterer was caught off-guard with the attack, like the rest of a stunned nation.

WESTFIELD – Don’t just visit the downtown to shop and eat: stick around for the illuminated, musical seesaws. Fifteen giant illuminated amusements were set to open this morning at the train station, under a “Glo Downtown'' campaign to woo shoppers back after 12 months of closed, pandemic living. "While residents and visitors are in town riding the seesaws,” downtown officials say, there’s hope they will also plunk down some cash at local businesses during this typically slow time of the year. The seesaws, with all the LED lights, were scheduled to open at 9 a.m. this morning – if you are looking for a solid excuse to ditch work. Sorry, there’s a 10-minute limit.

ASBURY PARK – One would assume a guy like Bruce Springsteen wouldn’t want New Jersey to proclaim a state holiday in his name. It’s just not how the guy rolls (in his Jeep.) But that fact is not deterring New Jersey lawmakers, with the Senate passing a resolution that designates Sept. 23 – his birthday – as “Bruce Springsteen Day.” The Boss Bill now heads to the Assembly, where you can assume anonymous, full-throated support. But how do we celebrate? Perhaps with a couple of tequila shots? (or is that quip considered “too soon”?)

BRIEFING BREATHER

Dogs can smell cancer.

STATEWIDE – Those ‘blue lines’ that many New Jersey towns painted on streets to honor their police are now fading. So too, it seems, is support for local police in some towns. A number of towns, like Clifton, Middletown and Robbinsville for example, got pelted with petitions, saying those blue lines have turned into “divisive symbols.” Towns like Flemington already scraped away their blue paint. But, NJ101.5 says Holmdel officials have just decided to buck the trend, keeping its blue stripe painted along Crawfords Corner Road to show support for their local cops. That’s even after Holmdel’s human relations commission called it a “symbol of hate appropriated by white supremacists” and recommended its removal. The deputy mayor has apologized for the commission’s statement, saying it “was hurtful to many and not consistent with the goal of creating unity.” Apparently, the commission crossed the line.

PALISADES PARK – Three heads are better than one. Perhaps cheaper too. This embattled borough – fresh off a scathing state report that detailed mismanagement – has hired three former top cops at $50,000 apiece to serve as part-time police consultants, instead of hiring a full-time civilian police director. It’s a quirky move that Borough Administrator Dave Lorenzo tells The Record comes after a Chicago-based consultant called the 37-member police force a “rudderless ship in a storm.” Its year-long analysis shows this PD suffered a tumultuous decade marred by infighting, lawsuits, suspensions and an unsupervised lack of professional conduct. Borough officials say that mixing the former Union City and Lyndhurst police chiefs with a retired Passaic County chief of detectives may be the right cocktail.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

STATEWIDE – We now hate Dr. Seuss? Guess so, as the good doctor is the latest to be ensnared in America’s growing cancel culture. Dr. Seuss Enterprises, which runs the famous author’s estate, admits to some racial insensitivities, which is why it stopped publishing six books: ″And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street,” “If I Ran the Zoo,” “McElligot’s Pool,” “On Beyond Zebra!,” “Scrambled Eggs Super!” and “The Cat’s Quizzer.” These books, read by generations of children, are now deemed “hurtful” and “wrong,” filled with racist imagery.  Even President Biden is giving Dr. Seuss the cold shoulder, failing to mention him during the “Read Across America Day” proclamation this week. Meanwhile, Dr. Seuss books are flying off the shelf on Amazon; “The Cat in the Hat” is currently the bestseller on Amazon. Something to mull over during this morning’s breakfast of green eggs and ham.

CHICAGO – The courts are trying to figure how to deal with the man caught hiding in O'Hare International Airport for three months, after he told cops that COVID-19 had made him too scared to travel home to California, surviving on food that strangers provided. United Airlines staff finally spotted him in late January and asked for ID; the man presented a badge that had been missing from an airport operations manager who reported it missing last October, the Chicago Tribune reports. Cook County officials say the man is not allowed back in the airport, as the courts now deal with felony charges of criminal trespass and, of course, impersonating an airport employee in a restricted area.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1934 that Mother-in-Law Day was first celebrated, featuring some traditional deep disappointment.

WORD OF THE DAY

Turbid – [TER-bid] – adjective

Definition: foul, muddy

Example: I look forward to one day skimming my turbid pool.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

-Joe Theismann

BIDEN BLURB

“The one thing I want my kids to remember about me is that I was an athlete. The hell with the rest of this stuff.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Bright