The Jaffe Briefing - December 7, 2020
The Jaffe Briefing now has more than 40,000 subscribers. Our readers are primarily business and government leaders in New Jersey, affiliated in some way with our clients and other professional friends. What a great, targeted audience for advertising in 2021! Email us at
STATEWIDE – It’s time for report cards from the first marking period. And, as you can expect, it’s not good. With so many kids stuck at home, with many blowing off assignments, cheating off their pals or complaining of shoddy Internet, school districts are handing out plenty more of the red “F” grade this fall, the AP reports. It is hard to point fingers at teachers, who have a hard time trying to figure out who is falling through the cracks, who is actually doing his/her work, or who has fallen asleep when the Zoom camera is allowed to be turned off. Of course, we all love to point fingers, assess blame and demand change. But as the weeks of this “remote learning” has turned to “months” and now “seasons,” the toll has just become too much for everyone. Expect plenty of softer grading, but the rubber will hit the road – with a thud – when it is time for standardized testing and – gulp – the SATs.
OFF THE RAILS – With word the state Attorney General has accused a bus company of ripping off NJ Transit to the tune of $15 million, lawmakers are now calling for heads to roll. Of course, something has to be done, but what? The big, glaring question: How could NJ Transit not know this money was flying out the door? That is why NJ Transit board members, auditors and state lawmakers say it is finally time for an independent watchdog to make sure our commuter rail isn’t blindly writing checks. NJ.com reports this is nothing novel, as Amtrak has an independent “Office of the Inspector General” to make sure people aren’t doing anything stupid. No doubt, this is something NJ Transit needs, as the finally-struggling organization needs to keep every nickel to solve its well-documented ineptness.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The longest word you can type with just your left hand is "sweaterdresses."
TRENTON – Remember when you used to take the kiddies to a restaurant? If you remember, there were two choices: Order them some crappy, fried thing, with a sugary drink, off the kids’ menu. Or spend a whole lot more money to have them order off the main menu, with plenty more food than they can possibly consume. Sen. Joe Vitale – with a child of his own - has taken notice. And that is why he is pushing a bill that would limit the calories, sodium, fat and sugar on kids’ meals, at the right price and the right volume, NJ 101.5 reports. The default drink would be water, skim milk, and real, actual fruit juice. Expect strong opposition from the restaurant association, complaining of unrealistic costs, etc., but with one-third of our kids overweight, and now sitting at home playing Xbox during this lingering pandemic, obesity has become a paramount issue.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
MOBILE, Ala. – Call it insensitive? Yep, that’s the best word to describe the local sheriff’s department, which is decorating their holiday tree with “thugshots” of locals who have been arrested. Someone thought it would be a real ho-ho-ho to use Christmas to highlight the number of “thugs” who “have been taken off the streets of Mobile this year! We could not have done it without our faithful followers!” according to the marketing guru for the sheriff. More than 7,900 people posted comments to her dumb Facebook post, after she gushed about “Thug Thursday.” Terms like “demeaning” and “cruel” were common on the comment string, while the ACLU and the NAACP said these so-called “thugs” need help from the community, not scorn. The sheriff’s spokeswoman weakly argued the mugshot ornaments were only of repeat offenders, rather than first-time thugs. “It’s not their first rodeo,” she said, explaining why it is perfectly fine for law and order to openly mock them.
ALL OVER – Whoever is the current owner of the Flowbee must have made a deal with the devil, or wished upon the right star or is just the luckiest person in the galaxy. How else can you explain why his near-dead company is suddenly the purveyor of a hot, sold-out “precision hair cutting system” that has not seen a sales surge since the mid-1980s. It’s all courtesy of George Clooney, who told CBS that he has been cutting his own hair for 25 years. He explains: “My hair’s really like straw, so it’s easy to cut. You can’t really make too many mistakes. So, years ago, I bought a thing called a Flowbee. It comes with a vacuum cleaner and the clippers. Yeah, I still have it. My haircuts take literally two minutes … Listen, man, it works.” The Flowbee – mocked internationally for decades – is now flying off the shelves – to the amazement of pretty much everyone.
BAR GRAMMAR
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2011 that former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich gets 14 years in the slammer for corruption. All good, until President Trump let him out in February. Why?
“He served eight years in jail, that's a long time, and I watched his wife on television…He was on for a short time on 'The Apprentice' years ago, seemed like a very nice person, don't know him,” Trump said.
WORD OF THE DAY
Tirrivee – [tur-uh-vee] – noun
Definition: A tantrum
Example: I thought the Jets had a win and I could finally celebrate. But, alas, just another tirrivee.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Men are, you know, disposable. But a fine woman like Ivanka? Come on.”
-Rudy Giuliani
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“@RudyGiuliani, by far the greatest mayor in the history of NYC, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election (by far!) in the history of the USA, has tested positive for the China Virus. Get better soon Rudy, we will carry on!!!”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Brr
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com
The Jaffe Briefing now has more than 40,000 subscribers. Our readers are primarily business and government leaders in New Jersey, affiliated in some way with our clients and other professional friends. What a great, targeted audience for advertising in 2021! Email us at
STATEWIDE – It’s time for report cards from the first marking period. And, as you can expect, it’s not good. With so many kids stuck at home, with many blowing off assignments, cheating off their pals or complaining of shoddy Internet, school districts are handing out plenty more of the red “F” grade this fall, the AP reports. It is hard to point fingers at teachers, who have a hard time trying to figure out who is falling through the cracks, who is actually doing his/her work, or who has fallen asleep when the Zoom camera is allowed to be turned off. Of course, we all love to point fingers, assess blame and demand change. But as the weeks of this “remote learning” has turned to “months” and now “seasons,” the toll has just become too much for everyone. Expect plenty of softer grading, but the rubber will hit the road – with a thud – when it is time for standardized testing and – gulp – the SATs.
OFF THE RAILS – With word the state Attorney General has accused a bus company of ripping off NJ Transit to the tune of $15 million, lawmakers are now calling for heads to roll. Of course, something has to be done, but what? The big, glaring question: How could NJ Transit not know this money was flying out the door? That is why NJ Transit board members, auditors and state lawmakers say it is finally time for an independent watchdog to make sure our commuter rail isn’t blindly writing checks. NJ.com reports this is nothing novel, as Amtrak has an independent “Office of the Inspector General” to make sure people aren’t doing anything stupid. No doubt, this is something NJ Transit needs, as the finally-struggling organization needs to keep every nickel to solve its well-documented ineptness.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The longest word you can type with just your left hand is "sweaterdresses."
TRENTON – Remember when you used to take the kiddies to a restaurant? If you remember, there were two choices: Order them some crappy, fried thing, with a sugary drink, off the kids’ menu. Or spend a whole lot more money to have them order off the main menu, with plenty more food than they can possibly consume. Sen. Joe Vitale – with a child of his own - has taken notice. And that is why he is pushing a bill that would limit the calories, sodium, fat and sugar on kids’ meals, at the right price and the right volume, NJ 101.5 reports. The default drink would be water, skim milk, and real, actual fruit juice. Expect strong opposition from the restaurant association, complaining of unrealistic costs, etc., but with one-third of our kids overweight, and now sitting at home playing Xbox during this lingering pandemic, obesity has become a paramount issue.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
MOBILE, Ala. – Call it insensitive? Yep, that’s the best word to describe the local sheriff’s department, which is decorating their holiday tree with “thugshots” of locals who have been arrested. Someone thought it would be a real ho-ho-ho to use Christmas to highlight the number of “thugs” who “have been taken off the streets of Mobile this year! We could not have done it without our faithful followers!” according to the marketing guru for the sheriff. More than 7,900 people posted comments to her dumb Facebook post, after she gushed about “Thug Thursday.” Terms like “demeaning” and “cruel” were common on the comment string, while the ACLU and the NAACP said these so-called “thugs” need help from the community, not scorn. The sheriff’s spokeswoman weakly argued the mugshot ornaments were only of repeat offenders, rather than first-time thugs. “It’s not their first rodeo,” she said, explaining why it is perfectly fine for law and order to openly mock them.
ALL OVER – Whoever is the current owner of the Flowbee must have made a deal with the devil, or wished upon the right star or is just the luckiest person in the galaxy. How else can you explain why his near-dead company is suddenly the purveyor of a hot, sold-out “precision hair cutting system” that has not seen a sales surge since the mid-1980s. It’s all courtesy of George Clooney, who told CBS that he has been cutting his own hair for 25 years. He explains: “My hair’s really like straw, so it’s easy to cut. You can’t really make too many mistakes. So, years ago, I bought a thing called a Flowbee. It comes with a vacuum cleaner and the clippers. Yeah, I still have it. My haircuts take literally two minutes … Listen, man, it works.” The Flowbee – mocked internationally for decades – is now flying off the shelves – to the amazement of pretty much everyone.
BAR GRAMMAR
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2011 that former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich gets 14 years in the slammer for corruption. All good, until President Trump let him out in February. Why?
“He served eight years in jail, that's a long time, and I watched his wife on television…He was on for a short time on 'The Apprentice' years ago, seemed like a very nice person, don't know him,” Trump said.
WORD OF THE DAY
Tirrivee – [tur-uh-vee] – noun
Definition: A tantrum
Example: I thought the Jets had a win and I could finally celebrate. But, alas, just another tirrivee.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Men are, you know, disposable. But a fine woman like Ivanka? Come on.”
-Rudy Giuliani
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“@RudyGiuliani, by far the greatest mayor in the history of NYC, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election (by far!) in the history of the USA, has tested positive for the China Virus. Get better soon Rudy, we will carry on!!!”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Brr
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
TheNew60Comic.Com