The Jaffe Briefing - February 8, 2019
STATEWIDE - Last week, temperatures hovered around zero. Today, it will be in the 50s. And this freeze-thaw cycle is absolutely terrific news for your local mechanic. NJ 101.5 reports this huge swing in weather means plenty of new potholes on Jersey roads. And that means plenty of cracked axels and wacky wheel alignments. And that means plenty of business for the local auto shop. And that means Greasy Joe and his family will be heading to Jamaica on spring break, courtesy of all this new, glorious, unexpected business. Expect Joe's gleeful kids to be screaming from the pool: "Thank you, climate change!"
HAMILTON - It is somewhat amazing that public officials at any level still share stuff on Facebook. Story after story tell of embarrassed local lawmakers trying to explain the humor in some humorless post that they blindly shared while surfing social media during the time-out of a basketball game. That latest - and certainly not the last incident - comes from Hamilton, where the public defender has resigned because he shared a dumb photo comparing the Democrats wearing white during the State of the Union with KKK members. Duh. NJ.com asked the mayor about it, and suddenly the public defender was no longer on the payroll. Silver lining: Plenty more time to watch basketball.
NOT IN STORES - Sadly, it's the "Year without SweetHearts." For the first time since 1886, those heart-shaped pastel candies with sayings like: "Be Mine" and "True Love" aren't on store shelves for Valentine's Day. Their maker, the New England Confectionery Co., went out of business last July and Ohio-based Spangler Candy Co. didn't acquire the brand in time to mass produce SweetHearts this year. So, perhaps your calorie-infused sweetie will accept delicious donuts instead. Starting today, Jersey City's Krispy Kreme outlet is selling four varieties of heart-shaped "conversation donuts" with icing inscriptions that say "Love U" and "BFF." And, Spangler promises Candystore.com that those beloved SweetHeart candies will make a triumphant return for the 2020 Valentine's Day season. Maybe, by then, you'll land a decent date.
PATERSON - Big-dollar donations are music to the ears of youngsters at Public School 24. The school used $83,000 in donations to buy more than 100 new flutes, clarinets, alto saxophones, trumpets and trombones for its band. It also got violins, cellos and violas for its string ensemble, plus guitarrón, vihuelas and guitars for its Mariachi band. The windfall for this grades K-8 school - which houses the district's Performing Arts Academy - came from VH1 Save the Music and the Sound Start Foundation in Mountain Lakes. Band director Nancy Horowitz tells the Paterson Press her students are "devoted to music," but were tuning out because of old, used and donated instruments. "It's tremendous to see their efforts appreciated." Agreed.
TRENTON - Every once in a while, state lawmakers take on a truly profound issue. None more so than yesterday, when the Senate Health Committee heard testimony on the Aid in Dying for the Terminally Ill Act. NJ Spotlight reports that, with caveats, it would allow physicians to prescribe lethal doses of medication to patients of sound mind with six months or less to live. Seven states already have their own versions of such legislation. Speakers for and against the measure spoke passionately. Kim Callinan, a New Jersey native and CEO of Compassion and Choices, said, "The prescription that people are asking for is, quite simply, peace of mind." But Dawn Parkot of the Climb Organization, which advocates on disability issues, said, "There is no way to assure the safeguards will be observed." The committee voted to advance the hot-button measure. Doubtless, it's one of those issues on which to proceed with caution. Take stock at NJ Spotlight.
STATEWIDE - JUUL Labs - which raked in a billion dollars in sales last year - has been all over Jersey media in recent weeks, spending a ton of cash to urge people not to smoke those old-fashioned "combustible" cigarettes. This anti-smoking campaign seems laudable at first blush, as it is dedicated to "improving the lives" of 1 billion smokers. But, like anything else you smoke, this campaign leaves you confused, a bit fuzzy and perhaps with bad breath. Juul says cigarettes are bad. Got that. But then it says its e-cigarettes are not that bad, even though they are filled with the same hazardous, addictive chemicals as cigarettes. So, don't smoke that "bad" product. But smoke our "good" product, with all the new and improved fruity flavors, which will still suck up all your pocket money and put you in the ground just as fast.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ATHENS - Butt out. That's the message from Greece's deputy health minister, reprimanded by the European Union's top health official for smoking in public. Deputy minister Pavlos Polakis was caught doing the deed on video footage this week, holding a cigarette while dancing in a club. (You may recall Greece bans smoking in indoor public spaces, such as the nightclub where Polakis boogied as red napkins fluttered.) The act drew an instant rebuke from EU Health Commissioner Vytenis Andriukaitis, who called the act "shameful." Polakis, who is also a surgeon, took to Facebook with his response: "I'll decide when to stop smoking, on my terms." Juul, anyone?
MADEIRA BEACH, Fla. - Some say local government has gone to the dogs. Well, a local official in this sleepy fishing town has flamed out in a particularly canine manner, losing her job due to her "habit of licking men that either she was attracted to or thought that she had authority over," reports Bay News 9. A state ethics panel wasn't buying City Commissioner Nancy Oakley's denials, remarking that "the act of licking a person on the face and neck is too unusual to be contrived by multiple witnesses and multiple victims," issuing a censure and a $5,000 fine. Let's just make sure to hide the Beggin' Strips at her next job.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was getting a little crowded in outer space on this day in 1984, when a record eight people were floating over Earth at the same time.
WORD OF THE DAY
Abstruse - [əb-STROOS] - adjective
Definition: Difficult to comprehend
Example: Hopefully, for a Friday morning Jaffe Briefing, this issue wasn't too abstruse.
WIT OF THE DAY
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss
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WEATHER IN A WORD
Fifties
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun