The Jaffe Briefing - January 3, 2019
WINSLOW TOWNSHIP - Should a homeowner be allowed to adorn his front lawn with toilets? A local resident says "Of Course," and is now suing his hometown for violating his civil rights, the Courier Post reports. The self-proclaimed Trump supporter is claiming "malicious prosecution" after township officials filed charges. The resident thought it was quite tasteful, and quite meaningful, to displaythree new toilets - one white, one red, one blue - outside his home on West Factory Road. The toilets feature a lovely display of plastic flowers, as well as an artistic array of doll parts. There were also some Confederate flags thrown in for good measure "as part of the use and enjoyment of his property," according to his lawsuit. Township residents wisely declined comment.
DOWN IN D.C. - It will become a very different Congressional delegation from New Jersey today, as four new Democratic members officially descend into the swamp. Seconds after they are sworn in to the 116th Congress, they will join a club of 435 House members who have to figure out a way to restart the government, now shut down, for those who have noticed. All four newbies will learn that is great fun to win a Congressional election, but now they are expected to actually solve problems between all the fundraisers for Election '20. And that includes dealing with a, um, less-than-predictable President. All wish them well.
TRENTON - It looks as if New Jersey is headed into the new year with some good news: Salaries are up while unemployment, at 4 percent, is the lowest it's been in nearly two decades. So what could go wrong? Well, state revenue collections are off their pace. Gov. Phil Murphy and the Democratic leadership remain at loggerheads, which is going to make it hard for Murphy to get his $15 minimum hourly wage or legalize weed. Add in a skittish stock market, the what-me-worry Trump administration, and an escalating trade war, and New Jersey's good news could be very short lived. NJ Spotlight has the details.
TRENTON - No longer our problem. That's the message from city officials, who have been able to "relocate" a local bum known for hustling food, money and booze from drivers near Hamilton Avenue and Route 129 for years, the Trentonian reports. Perhaps the breaking point occurred in September, when the man dropped his pants and defecated next to a Trenton police cruiser. NJ Transit has generously provided the man a one-way bus ticket to Florida, where his relatives apparently live, as part of its outreach program to "help at-risk individuals access the services they may need." Here's hoping Florida does not offer a reciprocal program.
STATEWIDE - New Jerseyans are always on the go. That's probably why the Garden State is growing a bumper crop of convenience stores. Nearly 3,300 of these 24-hour-a-day joints dot street corners and highways from Montague to Cape May - a triple-digit leap since 2010 - with even more on the way. The biggies are Wawa, 7-Eleven and QuickChek, but we are also home to scores of Krauszer's, Tiger Marts, Quick & Fresh and others. Need a chicken Caesar salad? Boom. Here. Beef Jerky? Here ya go. We just love the lightening speed. The director of the state's convenience store association tells The Record these stores "capitalize on human nature... we're geared toward convenience, getting in and getting out."
IN THE MEDIA
WEST NEW YORK - A social media 'snack-down' erupted between Jerseyans and Floridians over "the country's best" Cuban sandwich. Star-Ledger food writer Pete Genovese sparked the interstate feud, tweeting a photo of Food Network celebrity chef Carl Ruiz declaring "Cubano" sandwiches from a Palisade Avenue diner, La Pola, as tops. The ensuing Twitter-storm, which grabbed national media attention, included salvos from St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman, Tampa city officials, and scores of Miami residents defending their rights to the savory sandwich that's a mix of ham, roasted pork, cheese, mustard and pickles. For now, our great pork roll-Taylor ham debate is taking a backseat, for the moment. Thank Pete.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
HELENA, Mont. - Montana already has a state song. It also has a state ballad and a state lullaby. But, apparently, that just isn't good enough. And that's why Democratic Rep. Jacob Bachmeier of Havre is pushing a bill to have an official "Rock n Roll" song for a state with more moose than people. He thinks "Hippy Hippy Shake" is perfect, written in 1959 by Chan Romero, when he was a 17-year-old student at Billings Senior High School. Romero, who now lives in Southern California, tells the Great Falls Tribune that, yeah, sure, the state Legislature can use his song.
And kudos to the bill writer: "WHEREAS, Montanans shake it to the left and shake it to the right and do everything with all of their might..."
FLUSHING, NY - This plumber is in deep doo-doo, arrested for stealing toilet fixtures from restrooms at eight fast-food joints in Queens, N.Y. Cops say the Rockland County man, 44, with a plumbing business in (how apropos) Flushing, began his crappy crime spree just before Thanksgiving. The Queens DA tells the New York Post the plumber came armed with wrenches and "didn't even bother ordering food, just made a bee-line for restrooms" at a few Wendy's, Burger Kings and Arby's to plunder commercial toilet flushers worth $250 each. He now faces charges for burglary, grand larceny and other stuff. Silver lining: prisons have terrificcommercial toilets.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2014 that the net worth of the 300 richest people in the world collectively increased by $524 billion, giving these 300 billionaires an aggregate net worth of $3.7 trillion. In other news, Germany announced its entire economy was worth a measly $3.5 trillion.
WORD OF THE DAY
Persiflage - [pərs-ə-FLAZH] - noun
Definition: Good-natured, frivolous banter or lighthearted mockery
Example: All this persiflage over Cuban sandwiches is silly - we all know Puerto Ricans make 'em best.
WIT OF THE DAY
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"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
- Ray Kroc
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THE NEW 60
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by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun