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The Jaffe Briefing - November 13, 2019

HOBOKEN – Who hasn’t had wild fantasies of speeding around in an emergency vehicle with sirens wailing? A 30-year-old Lyndhurst man learned this is, of course, highly illegal after allegedly trying to swipe an ambulance from University Medical Center here. Cops helped hospital security remove the loitering man from a waiting room on Sunday. Once outside, police told the Hudson County View that the man locked himself inside an ambulance and tried to start it as cops swooped in. The suspect is now in the county jail on burglary, theft, resisting arrest and escape charges. A silver lining: He got to ride in an emergency vehicle to get there.

 

HASBROUCK HEIGHTS – Yet another elected official is under fire for posting a perceived anti-gay remark. Mayor Jack DeLorenzo took a victory lap on Facebook, saying: “The family values of our town have prevailed” after the Republican won re-election over openly-gay Democratic Councilman Chris Hillmann. The comment received swift social media backlash. The Record says Reps. Bill Pascrell, Jr. and Josh Gottheimer jointly condemned the post by saying “there is no place for anti-gay bigotry in our communities or our political institutions.” And Assemblywoman Valerie Vainieri Huttle blasted DeLorenzo, saying “homophobia, intolerance and ignorance (are) not family values.” Like the congressmen, she suggests he apologize. The re-elected mayor has at least four more years to get around to it.

TRENTON – New Jersey is about to move a teensy-weensy step closer to having what only North Dakota has — its very own public bank. It’s an institution Gov. Phil Murphy has been promising since his days on the campaign trail. For awhile, it looked as if the trail had grown colder than a North Dakota snow peak. But, NJ Spotlight reports, the governor is set to sign an executive order today that will create an “implementation board” to advance the bank by developing a business plan, perhaps offering toasters for all new customers. (We did say teensy weensy.) 

DEMAREST – There’s more news in the saga of that wine-stained Hermes handbag. The Alpine Country Club took some licks in the national press yesterday for going after a waiter who supposedly spilled red wine all over a club patron, her $30,000 handbag and her husband on Sept. 7, 2018. The furious woman sued the club, claiming it was at fault for hiring at least one clumsy server. Now, the N.Y. Post says the country club’s attorney is suggesting the pricey purse may be a fake. The lawyer says it was “examined by an expert” and “there are serious issues regarding the authenticity of the bag.” And, in court papers filed on Tuesday, the club is no longer targeting the butterfingered waiter with legal action. How nice.

BOUND BROOK – We all love our lawyers. Heck, no one wants to tick them off. But, as NJ.com reports, our litigious world has gone way beyond absurd proportions to chase a payday. No, we aren’t talking about a rich lady and her stained bag. We’re talking about the court case against a Bound Brook High School JV baseball coach, in court because he instructed a player to slide into third base. (Yes, really) The kid got injured; his nascent baseball career done. Steve Politi of NJ.com is brilliant yet again, asking how coaches are expected to coach under a shroud of potential litigation if and when the kids get injured. This court case – which no one paid any attention earlier this year – set a dangerous precedent and could have ended youth sports as we know it. Luckily, the jury sided with the coach, while an insurance company spent $75,000 to defend him over a seven-year legal odyssey. Politi was there in the empty courtroom to tell the story. Check it out on NJ.com.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN – A CVS employee is in desperate need of a civics lesson, asking a Purdue University for his “immigration papers” to purchase cold medicine. The student explained he is from Puerto Rico, a U.S. commonwealth, and he is a fellow American citizen, with all the rights and protections thereof, The Week reports. But the CVS employee still rejected his passport and his driver’s license from Puerto Rico as valid ID, clearly convinced that our island is a foreign country. The issue quickly moved up the ranks at CVS, where it looks like some people visited Wikipedia, did some Googling, and ultimately apologized to the customer.
 
As a side note, this is a opportune moment to read about the Borinqueneers; click here.

 

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was on this day, Nov. 13, that Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

 

WORD OF THE DAY

Sinew – [SIN-yoo] – noun
 
Definition: A tendon
 
Example: I’ll make my Thanksgiving turkey nice and juicy; a thin line of sinew as the only unpleasant distraction.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Always remember... Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.” 
 
― Chris Lowe

TODAY'S TRUMPISM

“There were people that were cheering on the other side of New Jersey, where you have large Arab populations. They were cheering as the World Trade Center came down.”
 
- Donald J. Trump

WEATHER IN A WORD

Winter?

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