The Jaffe Briefing - June 26, 2019
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The Jaffe Briefing will be celebrating freedom next week, returning Monday, July 8
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STATEWIDE - We're from New Jersey, dammit - we don't pump gas, we know all the back roads around our Parkway exit, and you can be sure we know where we are before we order a "pork roll" or a "Taylor ham." We're used to being misunderstood, which is why WalletHub's latest steaming pile of clickbait doesn't faze us. The website ranked states by patriotism, placing New Jersey dead last and deeming it the least patriotic state in the nation. This writer could fill an entire week's worth of Jaffe Briefings with the glaring, fatal flaws in this "study" - we're preaching to the choir. Instead, we recommend a book for WalletHub: The American Revolution in New Jersey - to teach them everything they clearly never bothered to learn about how patriotic New Jersey really is.
ON THE ROAD - Forget commuting to work. These days, it seems like you are better off staying in bed and finding some job, like this one, in which you can type away on your laptop and pray someone pays you for it. Between the crazy traffic, crumbling roads and the NJ Transit trains that just never seem to show up, it is making less and less sense to go anywhere. The latest injustice? The Port Authority wants to hike - yet again - tolls into NYC, in the latest $30 billion money grab for yet more capital improvements. Want to use cash for a bridge or tunnel? Expect to get smacked silly with a $16 toll. Want to hail a taxi at the airport? Pay an extra $4, pal. Hoping for a decent discount on a PATH multi-pass? Ha-Ha. That's a funny one.
STATEWIDE - Chew on this: Millions of tons of food are wasted each year in the Garden State, mostly by so-called large generators - like restaurants, hospitals, prisons and supermarkets. And where does much of it end up? In landfills or incinerators. NJ Spotlight reports on a much-needed effort in Trenton to cut down on all that incredible waste. The result is a bill that lawmakers are expected to vote on tomorrow. But some environmentalists are reaching for the Alka-Seltzer because late tinkering with the bill could mean food waste could still, somehow, be sent to garbage dumps and incinerators. Nauseating.
SEASIDE HEIGHTS - Unclear why any teen would want to party in this town, where rent-a-cops are writing tickets faster than a quick pee on a lawn ornament. This summer, borough officials are ratcheting enforcement up another notch, not allowing any motel room to be booked by minors and requiring a legal, responsible adult to be on premises during the entire debauchery. Landlords and fleabag motel owners are also in the crosshairs, as they will face penalties for renting to reckless revelers. Landlords can also be slapped with tickets for having too many people congregating on the front sidewalk. NJ 101.5 adds that bars are no longer allowed to host "teen nights," where kids can get in, but they just can't drink. (Add chortle here.) It's all part of branding Seaside Heights as family-friendly destination, if that could ever be possible.
JACKSON - Here kitty, kitty. That may be a fine way, for now, to engage with a cute, six-week old feline born at Six Flags Great Adventure. But, this cuddly Siberian Tiger cub is destined to grow into 500-pound adult, one of the biggest cats in the world. The cat - named Carli, after New Jersey soccer star Carli Lloyd - is only the second tiger cub born at Great Adventure, reports Jersey Shore Online. With fewer than 500 Siberians left in the wild, it's likely Carli will become something of a celebrity at the park's Safari Off Road Adventure. Carli, fully grown, will be able to eat up to 60 pounds of food in one sitting, about the same weight as your kid. Enjoy the family trip.
ASBURY PARK - It continues to be a city of haves and have-nots. And nothing makes that more evident than a local GoFundMe campaign to raise money for poor residents to buy beach badges this summer. As the city hears construction plans for gleaming enclaves on the beach, people living just a few blocks away are flat broke. NJ.com reports the "Beach Badge Community Fund" raised $10,000 last year to buy 115 adult badges and 90 teen badges for the season. Lisa Cramp, a local social worker who organized this tremendous effort, is now less than $4,000 away from reaching her $25,000 goal for this summer. "We take the ability to walk on the beach for granted, and once you see how happy people are to receive a beach pass, it reminds me of how lucky and grateful I am to have access to the beach," she said. Give here.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ROM, Germany - A British man on pilgrimage figured the quickest way to Rome would be via GPS, so he plugged in the coordinates and off he went. Perhaps it was an innocent typo in his GPS, which is why this guy ended up 1,000 miles away, in the German hamlet of Rom. The motorist figured something could be wrong when he didn't see signs for the typical Rome highlights, like the Coliseum or the Vatican. Rather, in the middle of nowhere, he drove up a hill, and got of his car to figure out where the heck he was, The Week reports. He forgot to engage the parking brake and his car backslid down the hill, crashing, ironically, into the sign that read "Rom." No one was injured, but the British traveler will never forget the funny thing that happened on the way to the Forum.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Nearly a dozen people actually cared on this day in 1975, when the ridiculously mismatched Sonny and Cher got divorced. Lawyers may or may not have changed their hit 1965 song to: "I Had You Babe."
WORD OF THE DAY
Argy-bargy - [ahr-jee-BAHR-jee] - noun
Example: There was plenty of argy-bargy on the train platform this morning, wondering if the Port Authority hated commuters more than NJ Transit.
WIT OF THE DAY
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"It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk or running for office."
- Shirley MacLaine
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WEATHER IN A WORD
Steamy
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
