ON THE RAILS - If you listen to Gov. Phil Murphy, things are really on an upswing at good ol' NJ Transit, with new braking technology finally being implemented on locomotives and many bright-eyed, new engineers ready to begin exciting careers on the commuter lines. If you listen to commuters, it was another disastrous weekend, with at least 40 trains canceled because of a maddening lack of "engineer availability." And if you listen to Murphy, well, there's some ever-improving "data," with, um, a "couple of caveats." And if you listen to commuters, there's a never-ending list of "caveats," and, oh, by the way, you can shove that data. The hard, sad fact: Even with more rookie engineers graduating from the 20-month program, it's going to take plenty more before "engineer availability" is no longer considered a viable excuse as you stand among the masses, stranded once again at the train station.
TRENTON - As the days tick down to finalizing the new state budget, it's time to look under the couch cushions for some spare change. State lawmakers think they have found $40 million or so in pennies, dimes and quarters in the state's prison system. The plan is to consolidate empty facilities and shutter underused locations, like the Albert C. Wagner Youth Correctional Facility in Bordentown, NJ Spotlight reports. Forgetting the multimillion-dollar savings for a minute, the scheme is a big thumb's up for penal reform in New Jersey. Drug courts are keeping people out of jail, as are reforms that virtually ended cash bail. The same goes for new programs that reduce the recidivism rate. All great, but Murphy still dismisses the legislative schemes as "magic math." He has a point: hiring a consultant, conducting a feasibility study, and consolidating facilities in one fiscal year is, in the words of one administration official, "completely unrealistic."
TOMS RIVER - It's an off-the-leash idea, but officials hope it chases away flocks of Canada geese that are, literally, crapping up this town's most historic waterfront park. The Asbury Park Press says Toms River will allow 30 dog owners to let their pets run free in 2-acre Huddy Park, hoping the canine scent dissuades Canada geese using it as a frequent pit stop. Town officials already tried wild goose chases like strobe lights and loudspeakers blasting the sound of shotguns and howling coyotes. But, the geese keep coming back and, worse, leaving their droppings behind. An adult Canada goose can drop up to 2 pounds of poop per day. Consider that your Tuesday "fun fact."
NEWARK - Another high-profile public figure got caught misbehavingon a cop's body camera during a police run-in. Rutgers-Newark Chancellor Nancy Cantor has, at least, penned an apology to university police for her conduct, three months after the March 4 curbside commotion, The Record reports. This is the latest incident after a Port Authority official and an Essex County school board member were forced to resign after their curse-riddled outbursts at cops. There was no cursing, but Cantor's "heartfelt apology" says she was not her "best self" when she angrily jabbed a finger at the officer, saying: "If I miss my airplane, you folks are in trouble." The chancellor got cranky when the cop insisted on writing up a report after Cantor's chauffeur-driven sedan bumped the officer's patrol car on a city street.
PHILLIPSBURG - The owner of a streetwear clothing company can remain FUCT, after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled yesterday that he can get federal trademark protection for a name that appears a wee bit offensive. The feds initially denied Erik Brunetti's trademark, finding it "immoral" or "scandalous." But Brunetti told the court the brand is pronounced four letters, one after the other. So, it is F-U-C-T, not FUCT. "You might read it differently, and if so, you would hardly be alone," Justice Elena Kagan wrote for the 6-3 majority. But under the clear protection of free speech, how the brand is read doesn't really matter, LehighValleyLive reports. Banning the brand "discriminates on the basis of viewpoint," Kagan wrote. Fine; now let's see what happens when a kid tries to wear a FUCT shirt to school this September.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WITH THE BARISTA - If you can spend less than $3 for cup of joe at your local coffeehouse, consider it a gigantic bargain. Retail coffee prices go up, up, up, as we insist on being even more darn hip, if that could be possible. Yet your semi-employed barista with the man bun has a nasty little secret: The price of wholesale coffee has been plummeting in recent years. In 2015, the cost was $2.20 a pound; it's now hovering at 86 cents a pound, the Washington Post reports. And why? There's mass production in Brazil and Asia to feed our caffeine addiction, driving coffee farmers out of business in Guatemala, where they haven't squeezed out a nickel in two years. But, hey, you enjoy that $7 espresso.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2016 that the wife of America's lowest-paid governor landed a summer job as a waitress. Ann LePage, wife of former Maine Gov. Paul LePage, served up trays of baked haddock and Maine lobster to save up to buy a Toyota RAV4. The First Lady kept the gig all hush-hush until the governor spilled the beans at a Town Hall meeting, mentioning she'd taken a job to "supplement" his $70,000 salary.
MacGuffin - [mə-GUFF-in] - noun
Definition: An object, event, or character in a film or story that serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite usually lacking intrinsic importance.
Example: I'm kinda the MacGuffin at the office; kinda invisible.
WIT OF THE DAY
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
- Margaret Thatcher
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THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
