The Jaffe Briefing - April 23, 2019
BLOOMFIELD - Want to get free statewide attention for your "Help Wanted" ad? Just add this qualifying line: "Males Only." A local gyro joint owner on Bloomfield Avenue is in full crisis communications mode, after passers-by caught his ad, featuring black marker scrawled on orange paper and taped to his window. NJ 101.5 hunted down the restaurateur, curious as to what possible job in a gyro shop would not be fit for a woman. He explained there was some "heavy lifting," perhaps involving a lazy lamb or a feisty chicken. In any case, with growing social media backlash, the gyro guru is now modifying his job requirements, to any "man or woman, girl or boy" who can handle the work.
ON THE ROADS - Garden State motorists will soon have another reason to fret and fume as they sit in traffic, waiting to cough up $15 to cross the Hudson. It's called "congestion pricing" and is coming to the Big Apple to further fleece New Jersey commuters. The scheme allows NYC to charge higher tolls for vehicles headed for midtown Manhattan, with no plan to funnel any funds back to New Jersey. Hand it to NYC: Thinking outside of the box involves throwing our commuters in - and hammering the lid shut. Read the outrage in today's NJ Spotlight.
BAYONNE - We really need cheaper ways to get into NYC - perhaps a gondola stretching from Bayonne to Staten Island over the Kill Van Kull. That was a joke, but apparently no one is laughing in Staten Island, where such an idea is being considered. The Staten Island Advance reports a $168 million gondola plan is in full formation, cutting down the commuting time as workers spend $4-$6 to fly over the gridlock, for a 13-minute ride, to get to work. With the potential legalization of marijuana, and all these people flying through the air, New Jersey promises to get more and more interesting.
ONLY IN NEW JERSEY - There are many, many people who don't give a hoot if a character from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" gets kicked out of the country. With so many real issues, both locally and globally, who could possibly care about something so superficial? Enter Donald Trump. The Guidice family is hoping the President gets involved, as this seems right in his wheelhouse for quick, cheesy news headlines. The Record reports that Joe Giudice, set to be deported after serving 41 months for tax fraud, is being helped by his daughters' pleas to Trump, asking for a long-shot reprieve. It could be a brilliant move, with this ready-made hashtag for a Presidential tweet: #freejoeguidice
BELLEVILLE - Couldn't get to D.C. to see the cherry blossoms? You're in luck, but act fast. This Essex County town prides itself on having nearly 8,000 cherry blossom trees, triple the number in our nation's capital. At least for now, on this beautiful morning, many of these delicate flowering trees are in glorious bloom. Skip work, ignore the kids and blow through all those red lights, as this once-a-year spectacle will be gone within days, or perhaps by lunch.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WYOMING, Mich. - A 5-year-old Michigan boy with a craving for a Happy Meal had a brilliant idea: call 911 and place his order. WZZM-TV reports the boy asked the dispatcher: "Can you bring me McDonald's?" The dispatcher said "no," as apparently that is not part of her job description. But she let police know, prompting one cop to stop at McDonald's, pick up something for the kid and bring it on over. The boy answered the door, very displeased. "My grandma's gonna be so mad, can you please go away?"
ORLANDO - Where is the Easter Bunny when you need him? Likely in Orlando, beating the heck out of a guy in front of a bar. The bunny was caught on Sunday night, on Easter, hopping to the defense of a woman. Bunny bystanders told NBC News that he sprung to action after an assailant spit on a woman and then punched her. As the man and woman fought on the ground, the Easter Bunny began throwing punches at the man in front of the cheering crowd. After Orlando cops broke it up all, the bunny was still hopping mad, throwing shadow punches for those catching the melee on video. "I was at a loss for words," one witness told NBC.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
A very busy Massachusetts Legislature, on this day in 1989, declared it "New Kids on the Block Day."
WORD OF THE DAY
Indemnify - [lə-KYOO-nə] - noun
Definition: A gap or missing element of a logical argument
Example: My professor considered my essay as nothing less than an astonishing lacuna in basic understanding.
WIT OF THE DAY
"The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either'." - Ricky Gervais
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sunscreen
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
