The Jaffe Briefing - April 3, 2019
SANDY HOOK - The next time you go down the shore, it looks like you'll only be able to frolic and have fun. The U.S. Parks Service is becoming a real buzzkill, announcing that drinking booze will no longer be part of your day at the beach. "Sandy Hook has become a party beach," Chief Ranger Greg Norman says. "People don't come here for a beer, they come here for a six pack." So, with this federal edict, if you are caught guzzling a beer, you'll get a warning. If they catch you again, you'll get a $50 ticket. (So figure you can enjoy one last hurrah, courtesy of Uncle Sam.) Meanwhile, thankfully, the famous, all-nude beach, Gunnison Beach, remains. But you can no longer rely on alcohol to help with the view.
DOWN THE SHORE - A fake $100 bill, a Philadelphia rail token from the Great Depression, the door from a portable restroom, a plastic pig, and a sex toy are just some of the items that volunteers have gathered from New Jersey beaches as part of clean-ups in 2018, NJ.com reports. The annual report from Clean Ocean Action is out, showing the amount of garbage on our treasured sand. Some important notes: Condom collection is up an impressive 56 percent. Baby diapers are up a disgusting 78 percent. Balloons are at an all-time high. And the biggest concern: Plastics comprise 82 percent of the 454,365 pieces of debris collected from our waterways. In summary? Clean Ocean Action describes us all as a "wasteful, sloppy, and pretty gross bunch." Yup.
TRENTON - Ever since he hugged President Barack Obama - and took a lot of heat for it - former Gov. Chris Christie is probably pretty picky about embracing politicians of a different stripe. Definitely, we don't expect him to get cuddly with his successor any time soon; he and Gov. Phil Murphy have made their disdain for each other's policies quite clear. NJ Spotlight reports today on a move by Murphy that should cast him completely out of the Christie hug zone: He has quashed a pair of Christie-issued executive orders, which critics charged the Christie administration essentially used to roll back a raft of regulations, principally in the environmental arena. For a full report on the Murphy squeeze, go to NJ Spotlight.
SECAUCUS - Two, 14-year-old freshmen have a future. It is just unclear if this duo has a present, after they have been caught repeatedly hacking into Secaucus High School's Wi-Fi network to avoid internet-based tests, worksheets and other school work. Disciplinary action is certainly warranted, as their stunt made it impossible for teachers and kids to do online work. In many classes, where teachers were relying on the Internet, kids just sat there, as frustrated school officials reset, reset and reset the router. The boys will be appearing in family court in Jersey City to respond to criminal charges - if the Internet happens to be working that day in the courthouse.
HOLLYWOOD - Gov. Phil Murphy wants more lights, camera and actionin New Jersey. That's why he hopped a red-eye to Tinseltown to pitch New Jersey as a premier backdrop for more films and TV shows. Murphy spent Monday on-location at meetings with top studio execs from Universal, Disney, Paramount and Warner Brothers to plug the state's film tax credit program he revived last year. And perhaps he took a moment to pitch his own script about this super rich guy, who happens to become New Jersey governor, then happens to save the planet and ultimately secures a winning women's soccer team.
LINDEN - It's rare to read any "breaking news" when it comes to the glorious 1986 World Series, as the last "news" was, well, in 1986. But now there is a brouhaha between Mets pitcher Ron Darling and Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra. Darling claims Dykstra was a crazy racist, spouting Jackie Robinson-era slurs at Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd of the Red Sox at Fenway Park. Dykstra, in response, called Darling a liar. Darling says other '86 Mets would "have my back" on these claims. Dykstra says no one has any memory of this, 33 years later. Next up: Late-breaking news from the 1990 Giants.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
HAMBURG, GERMANY - There are cheap airline seats, really cheap seats, and now engineers have designed what must be the most ultra, extra, super-duper cheap seat. That's because passengers would essentially be standing for hours. CNN reports airline passengers would be perched on a bicycle-like seat in this "cattle class" on the airplane, in an effort to cram as many ticket-paying bodies on board as possible. Figure these passengers would not be entitled their own bag of pretzels, but certainly would be allowed to sniff the bags. They can also have water, but only from a communal hose connected to the bathroom sink. Inventors of this thing say it takes up way less space than an average economy seat, at just 23 inches, if that's actually possible. There's been a lot of interest among the airlines in this standing seat, of course, but thankfully, for the moment, it appears, no takers.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1973 that the very first cell phone call was made. It was made on the brick-like "DynaTAC," costing $1 million, weighing 2.5 pounds and a height of 11 inches.
WORD OF THE DAY
Hoodwink - [HƱD-wink] - verb
Definition: To decieve with a confidence trick; to scam
Example: "Hoodwink" once meant to cover the eyes of someone, such as a prisoner, with a hood or blindfold. Now, it means, "Hey, I just got a really cheap seat on this German airline. Hope I'm not hoodwinked!"
WIT OF THE DAY
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired." - Jules Renard
WEATHER IN A WORD
Warmer
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing exclusive by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun