The Jaffe Briefing - April 1, 2019
STATEWIDE - Warning! State Police are launching a 30-day speeding ticketfrenzy today! Except... it is not true. Once again, Facebook is filled with this April Fool's Day hoax that State Police secured a 30-car fleet of Crown Victoria cruisers and will be all over the Turnpike, Parkway and other highways to slap you silly with tickets. There's even numbers connected with this tried-and-true rumor. This time, State Police allegedly are planning to generate $12 million in revenue, beginning today, with $1 million paying for all the Trooper overtime to nail you. State Police tell NJ 101.5 that Ford hasn't built a Crown Victoria since 2012, and there are no "new" cruisers ready to pull you over. Apparently, this hoax has been around, annually, since at least 2005. But, hey, feel free to drive slower and more carefully, anyway.
NEW BRUNSWICK - Rutgers has made the Elite Eight! That is, for the number of sugar daddies that college girls are using to pay for tuition. A report is out from "SeekingArrangement," the world's largest "sugar daddy" dating site, listing the "Fastest Growing Sugar Baby Schools." "Over the past three administrations, the overall cost of attending college has more than doubled. Students are tired of hearing politicians campaign on the importance of education, job growth, and opportunity-just to leave promises on the convention floor," says Brandon Wade, Founder and CEO of SeekingArrangement. "The numbers speak for themselves." Rutgers landed in the sixth spot nationally, with 225 new sugar baby sign-ups in 2018 and a total of 684 student members. Proud to note that Rutgers - finally - is tops in the Big 10.
TRENTON - Gov. Phil Murphy is vowing "more of the same" in the next phase of his governorship. That's what he told NJ Spotlight in a sit-down with editors, saying he'll focus on meat-and-potato issues like schools, transit and finances. The governor also shared his thoughts on segregation, municipal aid, the energy sector, tax incentives, and, of course, weed. He also had a thing or three to say about his predecessor. He claims Gov. Chris Christie left an absolute mess when he vacated the premises, adding "You can't even begin to estimate the train wreck we were left with." Assume Christie probably has some choice words about such allegations. Read what Murphy has to say (before Christie does) in this morning's NJ Spotlight.
JERSEY CITY - The homeless were the real winners when a Municipal Court employee got $100 from her scratch-off lottery ticket. Tishanda Page, 47, used her modest winnings to make a deal with a local McDonald's for 100 chicken sandwiches and bottled water that she and co-workers gave away Friday to homeless and needy folks who hang near Journal Square's PATH Plaza. The Jersey Journal says the McDonald's manager was so touched by Page's kindness that his employees threw in a bunch of extra sandwiches, on the house. Page says the "best part (was) seeing people's faces light up ... it felt amazing." Gotta love these happy meals.
MAPLEWOOD - Garage bars are the hot new thing in this quiet, cultured and hip Essex County town. What's a garage bar? Just what it sounds like: Guys with patient wives are turning their two-car garages into fully-stocked bars with neon beer signs, dart boards and plenty of pub kitsch. Besides "Gar-Bar" and "Sloppy Joe's," CBS2 News says there are at least six more garage bars in town. How do they get away without liquor licenses? That's because cocktails and beer are free, patrons are invited guests, and town inspectors made sure these garage bars meet municipal building codes. Next up: garages that actually store cars! You heard it here first.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL. - Just in time for Passover, there's a plagueto report. Thousands of poisonous baby bufo frogs have descended in the area, likely because heavy rains and a warmer winter presented the perfect climate for the amphibians to breed. "I just see a massive amount of toads or frogs everywhere, covering every square inch," resident Jennifer Quasha told WPTV. "You can't even walk through the grass without stepping on one." The toads are not native to the United States, but their presence in South Florida dates from the accidental release of about 100 from a pet dealer at the Miami airport in 1955. Nice going; hope this dealer got boils.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1978 that Velcro was put on the market, setting off generations of complaints from kids who question why they need to learn how to tie shoelaces.
WORD OF THE DAY
Fard - [FARD] - noun
Definition: Makeup on the face
Example: No fard allowed in the garage bar!
WIT OF THE DAY
"All generalizations are false, including this one." - Mark Twain
WEATHER IN A WORD
Brisk
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing exclusive by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
