The Jaffe Briefing - March 28, 2018
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
JERSEY CITY - If you are a Donald Trump fan who owns all the Trump neckties, eats only Trump steaks, drinks only Trump water and is a proud graduate of the well-regarded and unparalleled Trump University, we have the perfect item for you. You can be the proud owner of a naked, life-sized version of our 45th President, as the statue will be going on the auction block on May 2 at Mana Contemporary in Jersey City. Just think of the possibilities: Move aside that coffee table, rearrange the sofa and chairs, and place your naked Trump smack in the middle of your living room, as you peruse the Marshalls website for last year's Ivanka fashions. Expect to plunk down upwards of $30,000 for the ideal Trump souvenir, further demonstrating your enormous class and refinement.
ON THE GRIDIRON - It has been a little cringe-worthy to watch youth football these days, with Little Johnny pile driving Little Jack to the ground and then celebrating the carnage with his teammates, as blood-thirsty dads shout their encouragement from the sidelines. And so Assemblywoman Valerie Vainieri Huttle is introducing a bill that would prohibit kids under the age of 12 from playing organized tackle football. It is an obvious way to avoid neurological injuries and sends the obvious message that tackle football is a really rough sport. The question is if the sideline dads have the capacity to watch two-hand touch, as they guzzle bourbon from their Solo cups and shout about the ref's wife.
STATEWIDE - Anxious? Have a migraine? No worries, because very soon you will be able to run out for some "medical marijuana," as the state greatly expands who can light up under the state program. Moreover, under the governor's plan, there will be plenty more dispensaries and allow many more pot farmers to grow the plants. With the big expansion, it looks like more than 100,000 New Jerseyans will be able to buy pot as relief for what ails them, as the state steadily marches toward laws that happily provide taxable cannabis for all.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - Democrats statewide will be showering love on Sen. Bob Menendez today, as our senior senator announces his run for a third term. Gov. Phil Murphy will be with Menendez this morning in Union City, Senate President Steve Sweeney will catch up with Menendez at a rally in South Jersey later today. Yeah, yeah, it has been four months since a jury deadlocked on the highly-publicized corruption trial. But Menendez is a Democrat, and the last thing Democrats want is a Republican senator representing New Jersey in the era of Trump-World. So, Menendez is the guy. The question is how much the Republicans are going to throw at this campaign, with the thoroughly unknown Bob Hugin as their likely candidate.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
THE RETIREMENT HOME - Retired Supreme Court Judge John Paul Stevens, a Republican appointee under President Gerald Ford, has some strong thoughts when it comes to semiautomatic guns: Ban 'em. In an op-ed published by the New York Times, Stevens said that students and anti-gun violence advocates should press lawmakers to take on the Second Amendment and go past the discussion of new restrictions on semi-automatic weapons and strengthening background checks for gun purchases. Specifically, the nonagenarian called for legislation prohibiting civilian ownership of semiautomatic weapons, increasing the minimum age to buy a gun from 18 to 21 years old, and establishing more comprehensive background checks on all gun buyers. Take that, NRA, which is now likely in its bunker testing new ads that slam the retired Supreme Court judge, now 97, as certifiably crazy.
TRENTON, MI - Somewhere, the parents of an Eastern Michigan University student are getting a call at home, letting them know of their son's latest "success." The 22-year-old student has become a Twitter star for laying in the road with a spoon and eating a whole box of Lucky Charms out of a big pothole. "It tasted great," he told Mlive.com. "If I was blindfolded I wouldn't know if it was a pothole or a bowl." Silver lining for mom: At least he was drinking his milk.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
The world returned to its axis on this day in 1995, when Julia Roberts divorces Lyle Lovette.
WORD OF THE DAY
Tucket - [TUCK-ət] - verb
Definition: A fanfare on a trumpet
Example: We begin every day in the office with an inspiring tucket.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Mud