The Jaffe Briefing - September 19, 2017
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - Gubernatorial candidate Phil Murphy vows to raise taxes $1.3 billion to pay for his plan to pull New Jersey out of the muck. Meanwhile, his competitor, Lt. Gov. Kim Guadagno, pledges to somehow slash the average tax bill by a glorious $800. One would be quick to guess who is the frontrunner, and one would be wrong. Murphy has consistently been up in the polls by double-digits, perhaps fueled by New Jersey taxpayers tired of shell games that offer voter-friendly tax breaks, yet drive the state farther toward insolvency. Debates are scheduled Oct. 10 and Oct. 18 for voters to try to decipher fact v. fiction.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - Of course, there's really no money around. But gubernatorial frontrunner Phil Murphy says he would like to see tuition-free community colleges across the state. Yes, Murphy said, it would take a lot of time and energy to figure how New Jersey can add to the roster of states that offer this tremendous perk, costing around $200 million a year. Just imagine getting two free years of college for your little cherubs, before they pursue an undergraduate degree. Almost too good to be true, based on the state's financial mess. Interested to hear what all the four-year schools think, as the plan would pull from the freshmen applicant pool year after year. But for families who have no clue how to pay for college, who cares?
WAYNE - Geoffrey could soon be looking for a job, with word that Toys "R" Us is drowning in $5 billion in long-term debt. The toy store we all know and love has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, just as it is about to reap a ton of cash in the upcoming holiday season. Toys "R" Us pledges to stay open - there are about 1,600 stores and a big online presence. All this Chapter 11 stuff is designed to ensure Toys "R" Us can redirect the ship and help ensure we don't lose another anchor business at our highway strip malls.
FAIR LAWN - Alleged idiots should not be soccer coaches. Like the coach for a kids' team in Fair Lawn, who ran across the field after the game, shouting his head off at the opposing players from Midland Park and ultimately head butting their coach, CBS reports. Oh, and then the Fair Lawn coach somehow back-handed the nine-year-old son of the Midland Park coach during the Sept. 10 melee. The coach now faces simple assault charges, with the obvious hope he is bounced from this volunteer gig working with children.
DUMONT - Many are getting a kick out of the mysterious life-sized donkey statue that showed up in town over the weekend. The Record reports it was spotted Sunday, disappeared, then re-appeared, and was rigged with a saddle and stirrups. By yesterday morning, it was decorated in a Stetson hat and a bright pink lei around its neck. Dumont cops jumped on the case. After some intense investigation, authorities confirmed the donkey is the property of the owner of a mixed-use building under construction at 65 W. Madison Ave. Some asses took the donkey across the street as a prank. Case closed.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - There's really no law against this, per se, but Geneva prosecutors are awfully curious who jammed $100,000 into toilets in a bank and three local restaurants. The Tribune de Genéve newspaper, which first reported the, er, unusual "deposits," said the first clog took place right in the toilet that serves the wealthy visiting the vault at UBS bank in the city's financial district. A few days later, three local bistros found their toilets jammed up with 500-euro notes, as well. Authorities had to dig deep into these toilets, pulling out euros and carefully counting the sopping mess. Unclear who will get this super soiled cash, but plenty would want it.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Crowds of people with oodles of free time stood in lines on this day in 2014, hoping to be the first on the block to possess the brand new Apple iPhone 6, as opposed to pre-order and wait six weeks for shipment.
WORD OF THE DAY
Glabrous - [GLAY-bruss] - noun
Definition: Having a surface without hairs or projections
Example: My, my, isn't my cheek just perfectly glabrous today?
WEATHER IN A WORD
Gusty