The Jaffe Briefing - July 10, 2017
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
ON THE RAILS - Welcome to the first day of the "Summer of Hell" for commuters. This morning, three tracks at Penn Station in New York will be shut down, as workers try to jam two years' worth of work into eight weeks, mercifully slated to end Labor Day weekend. Workers will be in the bowels of the 112-year-old station, working on the maddening maze of tracks and switches - like unraveling a plate of sticky spaghetti. If you rely on the Morris and Essex line, that's going to be the worst. Consider a hot-air balloon which, if the winds are just right, will get you to work in time for morning coffee.
GIBBSTOWN - One of the newest real estate listings in town is going to be one tough sell. It was built in 1638, back when South Jersey was called New Sweden; not only is it fused together by clay and ancient logs, but the sellers want an incredible $2.9 million for the 1.3-acre property featuring a "new" addition in the 1700s. Oh, and when you plunk down your cash for this money pit, the condition of sale is that the current owners will live there until they die. Huh? Yup, that's the deal, reports Philly.com, with the owners living there since 1968 and worried that buyers would mess with the upkeep. So, they are sticking around. But make sure to bring the whole $2.9 million to the closing. Let's assume it's non-negotiable.
TRENTON - With all this talk about selling the governor's fancy beach house, maybe it's time to get rid of the helicopter, too. It seems the chopper is always an issue, with Gov. Jim Florio famously using it 2,319 times in four years, The Star-Ledger reports. Then, Gov. Jim McGreevey used it 277 times in his first year in office, and, of course, Gov. Chris Christie famously used it to get to his son's baseball game in 2011. Since it is such a showy, expensive luxury and always ticks people off, is it really worth having? Unless there is a true emergency, can't the governor just FaceTime?
POINT PLEASANT - It's taken five years for the locals to recover trom the black eye known as the "Jersey Shore." But, dammit, the dumbest reality show in history is back. Cast member Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and the gang are planning a hairspray-filled reunion - based not on popular demand, but on interest in chasing a paying gig. So, get ready (again) for the likes of Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Mike Sorrentino and Vinny Gaudagnino, seen filming at Jenkinson's Boardwalk last month. That's The Situation.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ROSS, Pa. - The beeping began in September 2004. That's when a homeowner tied a battery-operated clock to a string and lowered it inside his wall, hoping that the beeps would help him pinpoint the spot to drill for a TV cable. Well, reports KDKA-TV, the clock fell off the string and the clock has been beeping in the wall ever since, at 6:50 p.m., or 7:50 p.m., depending on Daylight Savings Time. The homeowner just figured the corroded battery would finally die at some point, and was just waiting it out. KDKA reported the story, prompting a local contractor to volunteer to remove the clock, which was extracted through a garage vent. And then, finally, there was silence.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 1850 that Millard Fillmore was sworn in as US President, upon the death of Zachary Taylor. Another great Presidential lookalike for Alec Baldwin. (Seriously, the below photograph has not been photoshopped or edited at all - we promise.)
WORD OF THE DAY
Bosky - [BAHS-skee] - adjective
Definition: Having abundant trees or shrubs
Example: I just found last Sunday's newspaper in the bosky side of my house.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sweaty