The Morning Briefing - September 26, 2016
STATEWIDE – Political signs are just a sign of the times, now cropping up on a lawn near you. Campaign signs may be effective with maddening repetition, but many New Jersey towns prohibit them from springing up until 30 days before an election. The ACLU-NJ – a defender of the campaign sign – argues that such laws violate people's year-round constitutional right to free speech. The civil rights advocates just threatened legal action against Wyckoff, causing that Bergen County town to rethink its 30-day ban. And, the Record says, the ACLU already forced Paterson and Franklin Lakes to do away with similar bans. Sign manufacturers wholeheartedly agree.
ATLANTIC CITY – Atlantic City is losing in its real-life game of Monopoly. A “major” announcement is being promised today by Mayor Don Guardian, who looks like he is going to trade the water works, just like other spots on the Monopoly board, in this marathon game against the state. There are options, as you know. He could turn the card over, giving the cash-strapped city some money. He could tear up the card and run the utility as a city department to protect it from the state. Or, he could also just hand the card over to the state as collateral for another loan. Next up: New Jersey looks to build state-run hotels on St. Charles Place after passing “GO.”
DELANCO – The campaign team for Rep. Tom MacArthur is doing plenty of high-fives this morning, as the media is reporting an arrest warrant issued in 2010 against his opponent, Frederick John LaVergne. The negative campaign mailers write themselves on this one, as the challenger apparently borrowed $4,000 from his 75-year-old neighbor, and then stiffed her, the Asbury Park Press reports. Moreover, LaVergne then ditched court and attempted to avoid a judge’s order. On Aug. 27, 2010, Judge Evan H.C. Crook issued a warrant, stating to cops: “You are hereby commanded to arrest defendant, Frederick John LaVergne.” Meanwhile, LaVergne uses this famous quote on his campaign website: “You can calculate the worth of a man by the number of his enemies...” Again, this one writes itself.
AT THE MALL – Grinding traffic means a whole different thing at Jersey malls, as all the heavy usage of Wi-Fi is gobbling up the bandwidth. Retailers who use complex heat-mapping programs that learn how long shoppers linger are fighting for bandwidth against bored pre-teens gobbling precious data to Snapchat goofy smiles between bites of Auntie Anne’s pretzels. The Record reports some retailers just don’t have the money to upgrade their bandwidth for the latest gizmos to assess customers – like those scary, Big Brother, high-definition cameras that track facial expressions of customers trying on the “newest” color of lipstick.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
POTTERVILLE, Mich. – No need to advertise for a new fry guy at the local McDonald’s, as the franchise owner just scored five new employees: the McCurtis quintuplets. Three 18-year-old brothers, and their two sisters, all have landed their first jobs working at this McDonald’s. Leith, Logan and Lucas work the kitchen; Lauren and Lindsey handle the register and drive-thru. Rather than McDonald’s, “we call it McCurtis,” says Lori Curtis, the quintuplets' mom.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1992 that the Los Angeles Dodgers made the history books – the first time the team clinched last place since the move to LA.
WORD OF THE DAY
Tantivy [tan-TIV-ee] – adverb
Definition: to gallop
Example: Voters will rush tantivy to the TV tonight, to watch the Super Bowl of political debates.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Perfect