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The Morning Briefing - September 15, 2016

EAST RUTHERFORD – While the owners of the mega, mega-mall in the Meadowlands are trying to get the public to focus on the new “SpongeBob SquarePants” attraction that just signed on, the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority is dealing this morning with something a bit more, well, substantial. Following some very legitimate complaints from a taxpayer group, the agency is holding a special meeting this morning to modify the $1.15 billion bond issue to fund the mall. The group, the New Jersey Alliance for Financial Integrity, is highlighting the fact that no one knows the interest rate and maturity date of the bonds, as well as some other thorny stuff that the NJSEA will attempt to quickly smooth over at its 10 a.m. meeting.

EDISON – The ‘ol “wrong place, wrong time” idiom turned out to be true for a Sayreville man whose wobbly driving was noticed by the driver right behind him: Police Chief Tom Bryan. The top cop, who just left a Township Council meeting Monday night, tried pulling over the 21-year-old for zigzagging, after seeing him toss trash from his car window. Instead, police told Patch.com, the hapless driver careened across oncoming lanes, smacked his Mercedes Benz into a tree, and later got slapped with drug charges after supposedly admitting to using a “bag of dope” before daring to drive into Edison. Chief Bryan says, “it was an unusual evening, to say the least.”

PASSAIC – Sixties sitcom star Larry Storch's triumphant hometown return this week might seem a bit confusing. See, the comedic actor who starred as Cpl. Randolph Agarn in 65 episodes of “F Troop” from 1965-67 never ever actually lived here. Storch told the Record that he was just “ad-libbing” when Cpl. Agarn called Passaic his hometown in a few episodes. That little fact didn’t deter Mayor Alex Blanco from declaring Storch, 93, an honorary native this week with a fancy city proclamation to prove it. The mayor told Storch: “I think because of you, Passaic is mentioned all over the world.” Storch's TV antics with F Troop's cowardly cavalry at Fort Courage are still available on DVD and, likely, VHS, and, likely, on reel-to-reel. And certainly available in black and white. PHOTO TO COME

AT WORK – As you trudge to work this morning, and wonder why you have such a crappy, pointless job, NJ 101.5 wants to make you feel better. So, even if your place of work may be a shallow cemetery, a swamp pit or, worse, a Walmart, here’s a way to make you smile: presenting the five absolute worst jobs in New Jersey.

5. Dishwasher - $20,920

4. Amusement park worker - $20,810

3. Gas station worker - $20,510

2. Professional shampooer - $19,970

And, Number One: Cafeteria worker - $19,840

ATLANTIC CITY – First mistake: Naming a glitzy casino-hotel after a showy mausoleum. But the Trump Taj Mahal took a huge reputation-nosedive after it suffered repetitive blows this summer. That's why the polling firm YouGov BrandIndex, says public perception of this marble giant is far worse than any of the other 1,5000 companies it tracks. First, people started noticing the threadbare carpet on the gaming floor. Then came the striking workers and Hillary Clinton's casino-bashing appearances on the boardwalk outside. Of course, Donald's dubious business record turned a negative spotlight on each of his failed casinos. Losing its billionaire owner Carl Icahn nearly $100 million, the Taj Mahal is to close Oct. 10. A flashy, oceanfront monument to the dead is not exactly what this near-bankrupt city needs. We already have the Revel.

IN THE MEDIA

HACKENSACK – Let’s assume the Borg family will be inviting a team of decorators onto their assumed new yacht to decide between paint colors. Perhaps they will choose “China White” over “Lily of the Valley.” Meanwhile, all the staffers at the newspapers the family sold to Gannett are bracing for the absolute worst, with the new boss planning to fire half the newsroom. Say goodbye to the “family newspaper chain,” as Gannett slashes and burns through 426 loyal employees. There are 327 editorial jobs that will be reduced to 190 during the dismantling of the 121-year-old Record and its sister papers and websites. Sure, the Borg family is walking away from the rubble with $40 million or so and are now plagued with deciding how to decorate the third bedroom on the new boat we assume they own. The Borg family owned the paper for four generations, stretching over 86 years. But, even knowing that Gannett destroys local newspapers, the family obviously placed priorities elsewhere.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

GRAND PRAIRIE, Texas – Hey, a deal is a deal. Topps, the purveyor of baseball cards, is making good on its promotion from 60 years ago. Darwin Day, 70, of Grand Prairie tells the Dallas Morning News that he was cleaning out the house when he found a complete collection of Topps baseball cards from 1957-58. One of the cards touted a contest: "Win These Swell Prizes in the 4th Bazooka Baseball Contest." To enter, he just needed to fill out scores from some professional baseball games and remit the card. Hey, there was no deadline, so Day did as instructed. He then got a call from Topps saying, “ok,” vowing to send him a Louisville Slugger glove, T-shirts, a Bazooka Joe pillow and lots and lots of gum.

IN RUSSIAN CYBERSPACE – Former Secretary of State Colin Powell – best known for his distinguished remarks before the UN Security Council to sell the Iraq War – is now known for calling his party’s Presidential candidate a “national disgrace” and an “international pariah,” while weighing in on former President Bill Clinton’s habit of “dicking bimbos.” His profound remarks, unearthed by cyber-hacking Russians, show that in coining the term “dicking bimbos,” Powell can now be credited for naming the next round of college punk bands. But it also leaves one question: Doesn’t a 79-year-old security expert know not to email anything of consequence? But the world thanks him for the “dicking bimbos” reference, which certainly gins up his $50,000-a-pop gigs on the talk circuit.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1992 that Ted Weiss wins the primary re-election to his Congressional seat in New York City. A great win, but short-lived. He died the previous day.

WORD OF THE DAY

Kibosh (KYE-bahsh) – noun

Definition: Something that serves as a check or stop

Example: I’d put the kibosh on that $1.15 billion bond deal!

WEATHER IN THE WORD

Perfect