The Morning Briefing - September 6, 2016
BACK TO SCHOOL – As your kids trudge to the bus stop this morning – and you drink your first mimosa to celebrate – the debate is about what happens when the kiddies return home with a pile of homework. Researchers say this generation is getting too much homework, as compared to perhaps our lazy, know-nothing generation of clueless, dribbling slobs. NJ 101.5 reports the National Parent Teacher Association is telling teachers to focus more on quality, than quantity. And, if you are going to assign homework, Mr. Jones, please at least take a few minutes to see if it was actually done. The national group is suggesting 10 minutes of homework per grade level per night. And don’t make us parents look even stupider with all that fancy new math. Long division will always rule the day.
WEST DEPTFORD - Know how veteran political journalist Michael Kinsley defines a gaffe as "when a politician speaks his mind?" Well, one candidate for Township Committee in West Deptford has a sick, depraved mind indeed. Mike Krawitz, a local attorney, took to Facebook to blast a Daily Beast reporter, opining that he "hope[s] somebody rapes you today" and wished for her to "get raped by a Syrian refugee. :)" (Yes, the smiley face was actually in the original post.) Such a comment – managing to pack racism, expletives, sexism, and violent stupidity all in just 16 words (see the originals here) – was removed a few hours later following strong condemnation from the township's GOP committee and a claim by the candidate that the offensive messages were due to a hack of his Twitter account. This, in spite of the fact that the comments first appeared on Facebook, not Twitter. Stay tuned for Krawitz's promising second career as a Kentucky-based shock jock.
LAKEWOOD – There are plenty of raised eyebrows in Lakewood, as a hyperlocal news website reports about the odd policy of an Israel-based seller of designer children’s clothing. The website – Shan and Toad – has no problem with happily granting a full refund “for any reason” for unsatisfied customers. But, wait, there is also a blurb on the site that notes a teeny-tiny exception: You can’t live in Lakewood, Passaic or three hamlets in New York, which all happen to be home to a large concentration of Orthodox Jews. NJ 101.5 called the retailer to ask why people in these zip codes get store credit, rather than a refund. No response yet, or likely ever.
NEWARK – The school floors have been spit-shined, the bulletin boards are fully adorned and the urinal cakes are all certified as brand-new. It must be opening day for the Newark Public Schools. But don’t expect the little thirsty cherubs to find working water fountains. They are still turned off, following the spring lead scare, meaning all the students should expect bottled water for at least a month. In October, a grand opening is expected for the water fountains in all 30 schools, as they are expected to be deemed “safe.”
BELMAR – The feel-good story of the Labor Day weekend is likely the touching reunion between a man and a wooden bear. The carved artwork, which was left out on the porch on September 1, had been a gift to the resident from his late wife, NJ.com reports. After the theft, the man posted on social media about how precious the bear was and offered a $100 reward. Yesterday morning, when the man went out to his porch, the bear was back. No questions asked.
IN THE MEDIA
EAST RUTHERFORD – Let’s just hope it was the slow news weekend, and the hurricane that never was, which prompted Beyoncé’s postponement of her Meadowlands concert to be “breaking news” statewide. Media pounced on the news that Beyoncé needed to postpone her concert tomorrow night to give her voice a rest; apparently doctor’s orders. Such big news affects 55,000 or so people in a state with 8.9 million people. Or, like 0.6 percent. But, again, let’s chalk up the hype to a non-existent holiday news cycle.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The city is finally backing down in its war with a two-year-old toddler accused of being a litterbug. At first, reports The Washington Post, the city was eager to slap the toddler with a $75 violation after a city inspector discovered some unopened envelopes on the ground with her name on it. But then the case got murky, as angry mom is an attorney, angrier dad was posting the story all over the Internet and now-even-angrier mom was about to do a TV interview. The city, mercifully, is dropping its case against the toddler, with assurances from her parents that, no, she is not a litterbug.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2010 that China figured, hey, maybe they should do some background checks on commercial pilots, after it was learned that 200 or so lied about their experience on their resumes.
WORD OF THE DAY
Quotlibet [KWAHD-luh-bet] - noun
Definition: A whimsical combination of familiar melodies or texts
Example: Hey, should I name my dog “Quotlibet?”
WEATHER IN A WORD
Clouds