The Morning Briefing - August 9, 2016
STATEWIDE - The key to controlling the deer population in New Jersey? Cougars. No, we aren't talking about the middle-aged woman who prowl the bar at a Cheesecake Factory. We are talking about real, live, traditional cougars. A new study says the eastern U.S. could see 155 fewer fatalities, and save $2.13 billion in 30 years, if we just throw some big cats into the wild and have them maul Bambi. Specifically, the savings for New Jersey could net $2.4 million, and avoid 24 injuries annually, NJ.com reports. State officials are quick to note it is a lamebrain idea, as you don't drop cougars into the most densely-populated state just to see if this study may be right. Perhaps Jersey cougars should just stick with "Tini-Tuesday."
TRENTON - One assemblyman is feeling the wrath of coffee-drinkers who've filled his email account with caffeine-charged criticism of his proposed law to broaden the definition of "distracted driving" in New Jersey. Assemblyman John Wisniewski says he's just trying to make the roads safer by barring "any activity unrelated to the actual operation of a motor vehicle in a manner that interferes with the safe operation of the vehicle." Media translation: "No coffee drinking." And, that's something the typical commuter, armed with a 30-ounce Trenta® from Starbucks, just won't swallow. Wisniewski strongly doubts any cop would actually ticket someone for drinking coffee, as cars now come with free cup holders and all. But, we realize that coffee drinking commuters, stuck somewhere on Route 1, aren't known for their sense of humor or patience.
CAMDEN - You never know what you'll dig up in New Jersey. This is, after all, the state that birthed Tony Soprano. We proudly bury everything from our toxic waste and stolen loot to the body parts of people who just won't listen. Still, it was pretty cool when workmen unearthed more than 1,200 ancient Native American artifacts from a waterfront construction site. Dating back to 1,400-to-1,300 B.C, these artifacts included arrowheads, tools, cooking utensils, pottery and remnants of hearths from a time when, a world away, King Tut still paddled the Nile and graffiti of Queen Nefertiti was fresh on pyramid walls, archeologists told the Courier Post. Work continues at the new $260 million Holtec International facility off Broadway, while the state Historic Preservation Office decides what happens to the artifacts. Perhaps we need a new museum called "Stuff We Find in NJ."
TRENTON - Tough to scare up new police recruits in the capital city. Big shock, huh? Maybe it's the city's divisive politics. Or shaky job security. (A third of the police force got laid off a few years back). Or, it's the hundred-plus shootings since 2013. Councilman George Muschal tells the Trentonian the real problem is that too many local applicants are unfit because of their criminal records. Muschal, a retired Trenton cop of 38 years, touched off an uproar, causing outraged residents to demand he take sensitivity classes or just resign. The fuss certainly doesn't help matters. The city is accepting civic service applications until August 31 at www.state.nj.us/csc/. If you haven't killed, beaten or shot anyone, hey, you may have the right stuff.
IN THE COURTHOUSE - It's not worth the paper its written on. That, in a nutshell, is what a Middlesex County judge ruled, giving the heave-ho to a study he says that 280 New Jersey's towns are using to sidestep affordable housing. Superior Court Judge Douglas Wolfson recently fired off a blistering, 100-page ruling, saying a Philadelphia consultant's study is "fundamentally flawed" to artificially lessen affordable housing quotas, the Inquirer reports. A Brielle lawyer for the affected towns shot back, saying the judge's opinion isn't precedent-setting or even surprising, claiming Wolfson was once the go-to-attorney for lots of big housing developers. Could also be why His Honor knows a whitewash when he sees it.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
GREAT FALLS, Va. - Witnesses describe it as a slow motion horror show, watching in shock (and great amusement) as a woman tried to park her red Mercedes convertible in front of a local coffee shop on Saturday. The innocent victim? The $300,000 Ferrari parked on the street. Somehow, the woman backed her car on top of a Ferrari 458 Speciale. As police arrived, the Ferrari's alarm was wailing as the convertible sat on its hood. One onlooker ran up to the flustered woman to pose just one question: "Are you serious????" Interesting to see if this woman's insurance company will raise her deductible from $500 to, say, $5 million.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
You may think "reality television" really began with the likes of "Survivor." But old geezers are quick to point out that they, too, own reality TV, noting it was this day in 1948 that Alan Funt debuted "Candid Camera" on ABC.
WORD OF THE DAY
Kith (KITH) - noun
Definition: Familiar friends, relatives and neighbors
Example: With all these kith standing around my kitchen and eating all my Ho Hos, one must wonder if they actually have homes.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Beach.