The Morning Briefing - August 1, 2016
** The Morning Briefing hits the beach! Returning Tuesday, August 9 **
TRENTON – It is the summer of stalling, as lawmakers continue to discuss, debate, dissect and dismember proposed solutions to fund the Transportation Trust Fund. There seems to be little progress, as new legislation is now working itself through the buzz saw known as the “legislative process.” For those trying to follow along with this on-again, off-again gas tax, the Senate Budget and Appropriations Committee voted 8-4 to amend existing bills, following lots and lots of very important, high-level meetings, and there is still the mountain known as Gov. Chris Christie that must also be conquered. Meanwhile, the statewide shutdown of road, bridge and rail projects crawls into another week of inaction.
CRESSKILL – High school jocks get all the breaks, from the coolest cafeteria tables to their choice of hot chicks. Now, more New Jersey schools – including Cresskill High School – are letting the jocks also skip dreaded gym classes. No need for phony sprains or fake doctor's notes. While the state Education Department requires Phys Ed for all K-12 students, that rule has a gaping loophole. Cresskill's school superintendent tells the Record that giving student-athletes a special pass lets them catch up on their homework in study halls, reducing their anxiety and alleviating stress. That’s also why Cresskill High gives student-athletes “no homework” weekends. Sheesh; what about all the stress in trying to score a date without a football jersey?
PASSAIC – It is like the baseball version of “Hoosiers,” with a newly assembled team of teenaged baseball players in Passaic now taking on some heavy hitters from across the country in the annual Inner Cities World Series. Passaic, with a population of just 70,000, somehow managed to win the regional tournament in Rhode Island and now heads to the 42,000-seat Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati later this week, the Record reports. The team will take on the likes of Houston (Population: 2.2 million) and Phoenix (Population: 1.5 million). The Passaic team, with its brand-new uniforms courtesy of local businesses, has plenty of sidebar stories, of high school dropsouts, a teenaged father and others fulfilling their dreams in college ball. All now have the eye of professional scouts; this could be the story of the boys of summer.
ON AIR – Nothing beats a good Internet backlash to right a wrong. On Friday, we joined the free world in slamming the new producers of Sesame Street for firing three longstanding cast members who have played “Bob,” “Gordon” and “Luis” since the days of Afros and bell-bottoms. Now, the actor who plays Luis tells Fox News Latino that the producers want to have a chat to discuss how to continue the longstanding relationship, beginning with a sit-down next month. Perhaps, after all this negative publicity, these three cast members can walk away with extended contracts and fat raises, ultimately earning more than that rich-ass Elmo.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Hitting TV airwaves in August is a satiric glimpse into a Trump White House, showing our new President still “zinging losers” on Twitter while remaining oblivious to national crises. This digital ad, “Dangerous President,” is courtesy of the pro-Hillary super PAC “Priorities USA Action,” which is spending $35 million to air the ad in a dozen battleground states, CBS News reports. Funny, sure. But maybe Hillary’s supporters should just focus on making her appear more Presidential, and rely on everyone else to mock her opponent. That material, of course, is endless.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – And, already, spoofing this “Dangerous President” has appeared on The Simpsons. Yep, Homer and Marge are joining A-list celebrities now behind Hillary. Marge makes her decision after the new anti-Trump infomercial scares the bejeezus out of her. Homer, being Homer, only goes Democrat when his wife threatens to withhold late night cartoon sex. Check out The Simpsons “3 a.m” video. Oh, as a bonus, it reveals the secret behind Trump's Twinkie-colored hairdo.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Reggie! bars for everyone; it was this day in 1993 that Reggie Jackson was enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
WORD OF THE DAY
Roorback [rur-back] – noun
Definition: A defamatory, false or slanderous story used to gain a political advantage.
Example: With the campaign season heating up, looks like we need to rely on the media to ensure even the most artful roorback gets no traction.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Floods.